"I hate you mummy, you're the worst mummy ever"

[rhubarbcat]

My DD is 5 going on 15 and her temper is going from bad to worse. Thankfully she is very well behaved at school and childminders and she is good when I take her out shopping or to a restaurant.

However she is very naughty towards me (not as bad with her dad), and I just can't think why she is been like this with me. My mum reckons she is naughty with me as she feels comfortable with me and knows she can push me away without me actually goig anywhere????

Every morning when I go in her room she screams at me to go away and that she is not getting up. She shouldn't be tired as she's had 11 hours asleep. So I tell her she can have 5 mism and then go back and get her, she has normally calmed down when I go back. But the hatred when she screams at me is very intense, often door slamming and stomping about as well!

When I pick her up from te childminders she often screams, or hides. She's happy once she's home but seems to be peeed off that I'm disturbing her tv watching/playing. I can understand that, but I'm not prepared to be hit/have things thrown at me like the other day. After this last (worst) time I took her home and talked to her about how upset/sad she'd made me and gt her to say sorry. 5 minutes later she threw a book at me "for looking at her" - so she went on the naughty step for 5 mins. Afterwards I talked to her about how I wasn't really a horrible mummy, and talked through all the nice things I do with her, how much I loved her - I thought we'd made a connection and it was cuddles all round.

Today she was late coming out the classroom and I could see her running about in her vest in the room after the other kids were out. So went in and she went beserk infront of the teacher - screaming, biting ,throwing things, chucked herself on the floor. It was sooooo embarrasing - I tried talkign and in the end picked her under my arm and marched out with her - all the mums in the playground watching.

Is this normal? I'm getting very worried! What can I do - talking and naughty steps don't seem to be helping. God knows what she'll be like when she's a teenager!!!!!

oh twirly, don't worry - I'm sure he's haring round at school not thinking about it at all. Of course it's a one off; it's a good way for you to remember that it's not worth getting caught up in these things; just walk out of the room in future, don't get drawn in.

Let them come to you for help a bit more? DS2 could have yelled for you if he was walking around blinded by his hoodie?

lol the image of ds2 wondering around with hoodie. thanks again. Definite lesson learnt here today.xxx

tantrums on the floor i used to just stand bored until they finished.

"ihate you" comments i still get ( teenagers) and sweetly ( sickly sweet) i say " ah, but i LUUURRRVE you" to which i got " i still hate you" and iw ould say " i still love you" this goes on until you distract them

i think your punishments are right. may i also add i use this comment - dont shout just strong and firm " that behaviour is completely unacceptable" to show your annoyance before the commencement of naughty step or time out

Rhubarbcat, I have children who don't want to get up in the morning, but not with this aggression, which must be upsetting for you.

Once I accidentally forgot to get dd2 up until 15 minutes after her usual getting up time so she had to rush. She told me off about it. I know dd2 is 10 which is very different to 5, but might it be worth "accidentally" oversleeping yourself one day and then make her rush round doing everything fast, not having favourite things for breakfast etc?

The other thing you might try - quite the opposite - is to go in and lie down next to her in her bed and say give mummy a cuddle - so that she can wake up gradually. I do this quite a bit esp with the youngest who is 6.

Back to your 5 yo dd: this may be quite heretical on MN, but I would take offence at this unwarranted rudeness first thing in the morning and make sure she knows it. Never mind low blood sugar - if she has the energy to behave like that she can't be too sleepy. And as you say, has had 11 hours sleep.

I've got one of these kids as well! My DD1 is 8 and is an angel at school and a nightmare at home. We get all the teenage-type stuff (I hate you/You're a terrible mother/I want to be fostered) everytime she doesn't get her own way. She has always needed constant stimulation and we think that's why she is so happy and well-behaved at school.

I blame myself (don't we always as moms?)but I have never been one to give into her tantrums, and just lately, my DH and I have been taking away her privilages (no friends round or activities) but her behaviour shows no sign of improving.

She was a lovely child aged 2-6, but then the change started! I'm told that children have a rush of hormones around 7/8 years old, but I don't know if that's the whole problem. DD1 has a very happy home and school life and we really can't figure out why she treats us so disrespectfully. At other times she is extremely loving and affectionate, so we never really know where we stand with her! Our DD2 (3)is easy peasy by comparison - very cheerful and easy-going.

I'm afraid I can't give much advice at this stage - we are trying different methods one by one, but no great result yet. Will keep you posted of any progress.

CarofromWton - are you me? I am so thankful to read this thread to know that I am NOT the only one going through this. My DSD, 10 yrs, is the same - sweet and angelic one minute, the devil incarnet the next - throwing things, kicking and punching; all because there was no butter in the house for her toast. I have had the "I hate you; I want to live with foster parents; you are pathetic" - where do 10 yr olds learn this behaviour and language? She is the same towards her father as well, acting out in the grocery store.

We always assure her that we love her but I agree with the advice given - I let her know in a firm voice that I do not appreciate her behaviour and then I leave the room before it escalates any further.

I am dreading the time when she starts her cycle...