Feeling sad about lack of development in my 2 year old

[Pidapie]

I'm feeling very sad about how my 22 month old son seems to be slow at developing. I am in toddler groups with similar aged kids who can count, recite alphabet, talk with a great vocabulary, and build whatever they want in duplo. My little one can do none of those things. He can build duplo if I hold a piece for him, and he puts another on top, so he can build little towers, but needs assistance. Same with puzzles, he can do them with some assistance.

He has had maybe 15 words in total, though he's stopped using any of them. He does respond to things I say even when facing away (such as "Let's go change your nappy"), so I know his hearing is ok. He doesn't even say "mummy", but calls banana "mammii" for some reason

We're not due the 2 year check up just yet, but I dread them saying he's too slow, needs SALT or something, and a lot of extra stuff, when to me it's hard enough being a parent without thinking about all that extra teaching. I try to talk to him a lot, describe what we see and count things with him etc. I have some signs that I should try to use more, but I just forget...

I don't know what I can do to help him more, and I don't know if I am overly worried for no reason. My friends' kids seems so much further developed than my son, and it worries me that he will struggle at school. I know it's bad to have high expectations, and it sounds like a brag, but I'm very intelligent so expected him to be the same. Now I'm not so sure, and I don't know how to "relate" to him the same way, because he might not "see the world" the same way I do. It probably makes no sense. He was early with gross and fine motor skills, crawling at 6m, walking at 9.5m, so it's not like he's slow with everything - it just seems to have stalled now.

Please can someone offer me any reassurance or some good advice? Sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

It's well-established, I think, that bilingual kids speak later - it's certainly been the case with the two I know and their mums have read up on it. So that's one worry to cross off your list, I think. If you've not read up on differences in language learning for bilingual kids, it would be well worth it I think. Some really fascinating and useful info out there. (My DS, alas, hasn't the benefit of a bilingual mum - I'm quite jealous of my friends who can pass this on to their kids.)

I will do that, HJBeans :) I hope he will catch up with the other kids at school though!

I was concerned about DD1's speech until she was about 2.5. A SALT friend reassured me that as long as she was understanding things, that was most important at that age. She was right. All of a sudden we had the "language explosion" that you read about and she started talking loads. Keep doing what you're doing with talking to him and ask the HV at the 2 year check, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Ds didn't speak until over 20 months, by the Christmas of reception he was free reader and could read Harry Potter with just a few unknown words per page. He wasn't bilingual or any other reason. If it was good enough for Einstein....

OH GOD - YOU POOR PARENTS THAT WORRY, WHEN THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO NEED TO !!!

As long as you play with him, read and sing to and with him, take him for walks or to play in the park, show him interesting things (animals, birds, insects, trees and flowers), let him play in sand or water, and try to give him 'choices' so that he has some 'control' over his life, and let him know he is loved and is 'important' to you, that is all that is needed.

Letters, numbers, colours, shapes and other 'learning' items are not important yet - wait until he is five and at school.

My DS lost speech at 26 months and was diagnosed with autism a few months later. By 2 he could read some words, knew alphabet, recite books and songs, count. I thought he was a genius, then with the loss of speech I realised it was something else. He was more interested in patterns and objects than people which is why he developed all these advanced academic skills.
If you even suspect something is not quite right then do look into it. Early intervention makes a huge difference and giving a child speech therapy who turns out not to need it isn't going to harm them.
If he has stopped using 15 words then that may be because of the bilingual issue, or he is concentrating on another area of development (sometimes one area slows just before another explodes) but loss of language is a red flag and if I were you I would raise it with HV.
You can look at an assessment tool called MChat which is what HV or GP should use.
Much more important than the academic stuff is the social interaction - will he respond if you sing songs and rhymes to him or initiate play, bring you things to look at, point to things, or babble back in conversation.
Many areas do speech therapy and HV drop in sessions where you can just call in.
Loss of language at any age is a concern and should be checked.

Agnes, he loves it when I sing songs and rhymes etc with him, and he's definitely more interested in people than patterns and objects and so on. He has however come on in leaps with more physical things, since stopping his talking, so it might be just that he's focusing on something else. He brings me stuff to look at all the time, and babbles loads too. He's a right chatterbox, it just that it is babbling rather than proper words. He was saying "bubble" today when we were playing with the bubble machine, so that's a positive :) I am waiting for the 2 year check up and will see what they say then. Thanks for all advice!

That sounds positive on social side which is better indicator of asd type issue than language. Can he use a straw or blow bubbles? Some children struggle with the motor skills to get your mouth in the right shape to say words.
Hopefully it's nothing more than putting his energies elsewhere
Sometimes I found my kids went back a bit just before a big advance.
But I think a mums instinct is rarely wrong so go with your gut. HV etc won't mind you raising concerns, it's what they are there for.

Teachmetotalk is a good website with milestones on it (by which I mean minimum progress before you should worry milestones).

The only infant mile stone linked to bring "clever" when they get older (I mean properly statistically relevant) is early crawling. Not walking, talking, toilet training, etc.

I thought this had been thoroughly debunked? What study is this from?

Hmm... He can use a straw and is getting there with blowing bubbles, still practicing that one. I might contact my HV and see what she says, either to put my mind at rest or give me more resources to help my son. I looked at Teachmetotalk, seems a good website, and he does have a couple of the red flags listed, so I will ask my HV for advice. I can't afford to buy any of the books etc. unfortunately, but hopefully I can educate myself by reading online and through HV so I can help him learn better instead. And cross fingers it's nothing wrong, and just him being a bit slow with this particular thing.

I don't believe that crawling is an indicator of intelligence, that seems a bit random to me.

Pidapie, you are doing the right thing talking to the hv and looking into this now and I really hope all will be well, language really can happen all at once. However, what you wrote about intelligence in your op struck me. My personal opinion, and it is just my feeling from years of toddler groups etc so may be rubbish, is that at this age, it is possible to say that a child seems bright or intelligent, BUT, it is not possible to say that a child is not intelligent. Their development can happen so differently and equally, they can display it so differently - some children like to display everything they can do, others are quiet observers - that is simply not a judgement it is possible to make based on seeing children at toddler groups, friends houses etc.

I'm glad to hear that, Swirling :) It's just another worry - I'm a massive worrier, so it all adds up tbh. I don't know what is to be expected of him at this age, so I don't have much to compare it to other than my friend's children!

I don't know any 22 month olds who can recite the alphabet or count! I think you clearly live in a very advanced enclave, or perhaps your anxiety has skewed what you are noticing? Your ds sounds like a typical 22 month old to me.

I have heard it myself, but perhaps these children are exceptional! I simply don't know what's normal and not :/

My DD could definitely count but it was no different to her knowing the words to twinkle twinkle little star - she didn't get the concept of numbers being 'things'. She just watched lots of people singing counting songs on YouTube.

OP, I have a child with ASD and regression is a big red flag. I would discuss it with the GP.
Have a look at the M-chat (autism screening questionnaire). you can do not online (just google it) and if he scores in the 'risk' range then let the GP know.

as for 2 languages: it has long been established that bilingual upbringing does not delay speech and language development (rather the opposite and my neuritypical multilingual child was talking well before any of her monolingual friends). Do not make the mistake and do not seek help because you asume the languagea are the cause.

I would not worry about the 15 words vocabulary as such but that he stopped using them would worry me.

Another here to say - my DS is a similar age and although he has loads of words, plenty of them are made up 'mishous' anyone?
He also doesn't know his alphabet, more than two colours or his numbers.
He doesn't build things either.

Your LO sounds okay to me

dd2 didn't babble until 18mo
didn't talk until she was well over two, and was really hard to understand when she did

she didn't concentrate on listening to stories like her older sister did, or seem to remember songs/rhymes. For a long time after she could talk she struggled with counting - instead of "one, two, three" we had "one, 'nuvva one, 'nuvva one".

she was referred in to Speech Therapy, but by the time she was eventually seen at nearly 3 was just about ok (although very much towards the bottom end of the normal spectrum)

When she started reception this year, she was in the top quarter of the intake. Turns out she crammed pretty much all of her preschool development in between about 3.9 and 4.9.

Not read the full thread but my 2yr 4mnth old is also learning two languages and he dis the same thing with dropping words and learning a few diff ones. In the past few weeks all the old words have started to come back without new ones being dropped and his understanding in both languages has come onloads in the last few months. Stick.with it
He cant do Duplo but will happily build a tower of wooden blocks, watch out for smaller children not hurting themselves, do.little.jobs in the house etc. I suppose your kids similar, you've just taught him different things to the people in your olay groups.

My brother didn't say his first words until 3. I didn't walk until 2 and a half. My neice didn't really crawl. One minute she was sitting and the next walking. All kids develop at different rates so don't worry. I think the fact that he can do 'normal' stuff with assistance suggests there isn't a problem.

I have done the M-Chat test and he's in the low risk category. I was pretty sure before that he is not ASD, because I have experience with a relative with autism, so knew what to look for already. But atleast that's one box to tick off, he's not got that :)

Glad to hear of others replacing some words with others. I have managed to get 2 different words out of him the last few days, from reading one particular book over and over. He's also suddenly started to say mummy! :D I will still contact HV just to have her do an assessment and give us some advice, and have contacted the I Can Charity for advice.

My dd1 was one of those describe. She knew her alphabet-and yes, she could link it to the letters upper and lower case, was reading simple words, counting, and adding/subtracting, speaking in full 8+ word sentences "Actually I am doing it because I want to" was a response at about 20 months...

I had a friend at toddler group whose dd1 was 3 weeks older. At 2yo she got referred to SALT for lack of words. I think she had 2.

We lost contact and at 4yo re-met - you couldn't have told the difference in their speech between them, and they're coming up to GCSE now and both aiming at an A/A*.

As far as I'm concerned I think generally early speech is just that: early speech and not, in general, a sign of intelligence or otherwise.

Check out this short video to cheer you up! My girl is bilingual and almost 2 and nursery was worried about her lack of words but you have to trust that they will develop at their own pace, laugh at it and wait for the 2yr check results to make a plan if that is even needed. Big hug.

Here's the link for my video exactly on your question: