Can't discipline 7yo without him making the situation worse

[Mrswinkler]

Ok, so this morning after a lovely cuddle he asked could he use the iPad. (Yes, because I'd like a chill out in bed myself...). It needed charging so I said I'd get the lead, it was downstairs, whilst I make a brew and did he want a hot chocolate, which he did. All well.

Upstairs I find he's on my phone, I asked him to plug the iPad in. He refuses and continues on my phone. I repeat it and he says no so I take the phone off him and ask him to get plug it in and he can have it back. Cue him kicking off, and throwing the lead when he realises there's no plug on the end (it's on the bed next to him where I put it). After a massive strop where he plugs it in. I said because of the strop he's not having the phone he can wait until the iPad is charged.

He swears at me (recently started this). So I say no iPad. He then just kids off again more swearing, snatching book off me, throwing pillows. I tell him he's not doing himself any favours, he continues.

I stay calm and ask him why he gets so angry, tell him he could have had the phone, iPad he just chose to misbehave and that was the consequence. He just continues 'but I didn't want a hot chocolate, I'm going to pour it down the sink', more names...

He quietened down then after a while asked if he could have the iPad when it was charged. I said no but if he calmed down and was good for the rest of the morning he could have it later. Well, that's just not good enough is it. More bad behaviour, looking round the room seeing what he can do to upset me. Kicking me...

Throughout all this I've stayed calm and stuck to my guns. But the penny just doesn't seem to drop with him. He continues to do bad stuff and I ignore him unless it's dangerous or damaging.

What am I doing wrong? I know it's well out of order and I need to nip it in the bud. He hates being told off this happens a lot, he's just constantly fighting me when I do rather than accepting he was wrong.

I left to go to another room, he follows me. I tell him to go and watch TV and calm down. That's not good enough. 'I'll turn the volume up loud'.....

Anyway I explained to him I was being fair, he huffed off to watch TVs and hasn't put it on loud. I'll go down in a bit and carry on the day as normal.

I try not to blow up and get mad but stick it out and then speak to him about his behaviour when he's calm. He won't get the iPad today now, he's blown that.

What else can I do, he really can't control his anger and emotions or am I expecting too much?

Slightly different suggestion here - when my DD6 kicks off I often have to read between the lines. I would say about 80% of the time it is not really about the issue at hand but something else entirely - e.g. feeling left out, jealous of little sister. Sometimes the situation diffuses itself when I simply say that it would be nicer if you just said you wanted a hug rather than kick a huge fuss.

I think sometimes it is easier to go down the constant punishment route and eventually find yourself in the position that you are constantly nagging... which in return can cause more challenging behaviour. Pick your battles, when you say no stick to it but try not to sweat the small stuff. In your particular example I would have pointed out that it is ok to change his mind but he would have needed to ask if he could have your phone instead. And don't forget humour - what would have happened if you had for example said to him that because he took your phone without asking for your permission, it is now tickle time?