Disciplining a 2 year old

[tryhard]

DD2 has just turned 2 and she's increasingly aggressive. I know this is normal for this age, I went through it with my first child, but I feel exhausted by it and its getting me down (my as my eldest didn't come out of this phase really until 3.5!) So today, for example, she ran up to one of those ride one in the supermarket and hit the kid who has already in it because she wanted a go...the mother was lovely, I was truly mortified, pulled her off to the side and told her no but then they left so DD got her turn (in hindsight I should have left and not let her have a go even when it became free)...then later at a cafe a little boy came up to our table and DD2 went to hit out at him and shouted (I think because she thought he wanted her sandwich!), again I was mortified, apologised to the mother etc. I'm a SAHM & she doesn't go to nursery but I'm starting to feel like I need to avoid playgroups for a while as I just gave to follow her around making sure she doesn't hit anyone. At playgroup I tell her that if she hits, we leave, and I do follow through with that. She's always hitting out at her big sister, I tell her no, separate them, take the toy off her etc but I feel like I'm getting nowhere & that everywhere we go has the potential for being unpleasant :( what more can I do?

I was truly mortified, pulled her off to the side and told her no but then they left so DD got her turn

You rewarded her for hitting a child! You are teaching her that bad behaviour gets her what she wants.

Not the best lesson.

Yes in hindsight I realised that because they left and it became free she then got a turn and I should have just taken them straight home, that's not the usual reaction for me, I was taken aback and embarrassed & the mother was so nice about it. Normally, like at playgroup, she gets told to share and if she hits we go straight home.

I think you need to try and stop being embarrassed. Easier said than done. All toddlers will tantrum/hit/shout etc when out at some point. You just need to keep a consistent hard line that she hits and then she goes home/time out/anything boring. all very easy for me to say as my 19mo hasn't reached this stage yet and I'm not looking forward to it!

This too shall pass. In the meantime get some in for after bedtime?

Does she care if you cry? When DS hits me I pretend to cry or if he's about to him me I tell him I'll be sad and he stops and says sorry and gives me a hug. Same for other children I tell him it will upset them and he stops. Well, most of the time. If there's chocolate at stake then according to da anyone is fair game
It did take a fair few months of me and dp being whacked in the face though before he understood that it hurts us, toddlers are mini psychopaths they don't really understand others have feelings but they grow out of it, until then you seem to be doing the right thing in leaving when she does it.

Oooo I haven't tried crying, Ive no idea how she'll react so I'll give that a go. She tries to comfort her sister if she's hurt (ironically!) so that might be worth a go. I know I need to let go of the embarrassment, if she tantrums I'm as cool as a cucumber but I do feel people are judging me and how I handle her, and this morning I didn't react as I would have normally done as I was just surprised. She doesn't normally get to that point at playgroup because I'm stood over her and if I see she's going to hit, I warn her then we go. At home with her sister I seperate them, and we leave the room so the idea is she doesn't get to play with her sister if she's being mean. I'm just feeling a bit exhausted by it!