daughter child interaction

[suzannah198]

Hello, I need some advice please.My daughters son aged three, is behaving like a typical 3 yr old, but she and her husband, have stopped correcting bad behavior, and its worrying me greatly, as they all seem unhappy.its been deteriorating for some time, and other family members are also seeing this. I am finding it really hard to describe what is happening, its as though he is an emperor, with a vile temper who must be obeyed at all times, and his parents are slaves,to this.How do i begin to talk to my daughter about this without it sounding like she is a bad parent? I have never given any opinion on her mothering, as i am not the interfering sort, but I feel i must say something, as she has been a brilliant mum, but something has shifted.All advice gratefully received

It's hard to advise without some examples of the "bad behaviour". That's because your idea of bad behaviour might not match your daughter's idea of it...and her husband's idea of it.

Hi, its just the normal bad behavior, eating with hands, when he used to use a spoon or cutlery, the father may say, "now we dont use hands" but the child continue to eat with hands, and nothing more is said. Child refuses food, at meal times, generally screaming , crying etc, then is offered snacks.I haven't seen him eat any more than a quarter of any meal, for a year.Have tried gently to suggest that the snacks be withdrawn to allow his hunger develop, and he may then eat more food.And dont feel i should keep on this tack, but should i ?He isnt underweight, so thats not a concern.
If the child shoots a toy at his grandfather, this seems to be ok, where this was once put a stop to with the explanation of dangers of firing into someones face, but not any more.If i or the grandfather try to reason with him, he screams , and sulks..he never says please or thankyou, as he once did, i have to remind him several times before he remembers, his parets rarely say this, He snatches, toys etc, or screams he wants it, parents just give in to whatever he is asking for regardless, if they are busy, haveing a rest or eating...its very uncomfortable to watch, as no-one seems very settled or happy as they once were

Nose out, suzannah198. Visit your dd when the baby is out or in bed.

I doubt it's the lack of correcting "bad" behaviour that's making them unhappy. Something else is probably going on (money / relationship issues etc etc) that is causing a lot of stress behind the scenes and maybe they just feel unable to cope with yet another battle with their son.

I wouldn't say anything, you risk pushing them away further and it's not your place to tell them how to parent as difficult as it may be to see them do things differently to you.

Thank you, that makes sense, I did fear, that there are perhaps relationship matters going on, (As does her sister, )as they have no money worries, live in a beautiful place, great friends/neighbours, etc.

So how do i handle it if she asks my advice, we are close, and i feel she may do so...

Visiting only when baby is in bed , isnt possible as we live too distant,(hour and a half drive) so we generally are there for the day, and when they come here they stay for a couple of days. same thing happens when they visit my other daughters, always staying over, due to distance. the visits are very regular, but we have been going less of late due to the strain of being there.

Thank you it has really helped to discuss this with young mothers, as i am well aware that parenting has changed in the last forty years, since mine were babies!!However hard it is to keep it buttoned, I shall.

its pretty rotton to dread a visit , from my beloved daughter, though!!

Are you sure they aren't trying to ignore the poor behaviour. You also need to be clear that some behaviour like eating is not unusual at 3 so tolerable whereas firing toys at someone's face is dangerous and needs intervention. If it happens at your home why do you feel unable to say something, he may listen to you more than parents. Or meet on neutral ground like at a park until you feel more comfortable.

More good advice, thank you, it is a little easier when we go out, without the father , strangely..And i do recall the food battles with my own children, so its not the childs behaviour, rather its the parents that troubles me.

When the child stays here on his own, everything improves!! we manage to play etc, without the screaming/tantrums etc, he goes to bed easily, and is charming almost all of the time!

When all are here, and i attempt to guide him a little, i am always interrupted to be told, he is tired/unwell, or some other reason ..

I shall plough on, and hope matters resolve them selves, as I am moving to be closer to them, and may take some of the day to day caring on, to give the parents more time to them selves.

Thank you everyone.