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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Tantrums at 1 year old?

12 replies

nannynickers · 15/12/2006 15:27

DD is showing signs of becoming a diva. She has learnt how to scream in a high pitched & shrill way when she doesn't get what she wants and has also pinched and smacked on a couple of occasions when she didn't want to be picked up or passed to someone other than me.

I don't know how best to tackle this because if I smack her hand for being naughty it may teach her that it is ok to hit people, also do I shout at her for the screaming or does this just give her the attention she's looking for?

DH & I agreed last night that we should decide a way to deal with each of these things - Sreaming, Pinching & Hitting and then we can all respond in the same way.

But which is the best way for her to learn that it in not acceptable to do those things?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LIZS · 15/12/2006 15:38

Avoid any eye contact, shouting or attention when she does it , just for example remove her from your lap and do something else or distract her with a toy when she calms down. You don't say how old she is - the nearer 2 the more you can expect her to understand action/consequence whereas a just one yr old will most likely forget the "lesson" very quickly which will be frustrating. If she is nearer 1 than 2 she may have a touch of separation anxiety and not want to be held by others , that is just normal for many children I'm afraid and "punishing" her for that could be counter prodictive.

MerryMellowmas · 15/12/2006 15:42

My ds was a bit like this. He used to bang his head on the floor

I agree no eye contact no attention. I had to walk away from ds when he done it. He soon grew out of this phase and moved rapidly onto his next.

Screeching & spitting!!

Original poster

nannynickers · 15/12/2006 15:52

She is 13 months I think she has a streak of my stubborness in her.

My mum cares for her 3 afternoons a week whilst I work, but when I pass her over to 'Nanna' she bats her in the face with an open palm as if telling her off for taking her away from me, she does the same thing to DH!

I suppose in a way I am flattered as it makes me the favourite but everyone wants their LO's to be lovely, friendly children don't they so I really want to nip this in the bud!

So you think ignore the screaming, but I'm still perplexed on the hitting & pinching.

I must admit I did laugh when my mum told me she (dd) was hitting the nurse to stop her from giving her a 2nd injection the other week,

OP posts:

LIZS · 15/12/2006 15:58

Same with hitting and pinching. Remove her and ignore.

Original poster

nannynickers · 15/12/2006 16:18

Ok but ignore for how long, I know already that if I tell her firmly 'NO' and put her on the floor she will cry, how do you know how long to leave it for or the difference between ters of indignance or genuine I'm getting into a lather her and am really upset tears????

Blimey, when will you be able to buy the complete guide to parenting off Amazon?!

OP posts:

LIZS · 15/12/2006 16:25

Ther eis no fixed rule , but of course she'll cry - she isn't getting what she wants and that is the only way she can express herself! There is a difference between being temporarily put out and being distressed though. As she calms down you (or your dh or mother)can start to distract her with a toy or getting on with your normal routine.

MerryBiglipsmas · 15/12/2006 16:32

i just ignore her like i did with my dd at that age and just carry on as normal but had to keep an eye on her incase she did summat silly!

Original poster

nannynickers · 15/12/2006 17:11

Will give it a go! Ignore ignore ignore! So hard though when you are used to jumping to assist them as they cry, better for her in the long run as no one likes a stroppy, spiteful little madam. Thanks for your help ladies

OP posts:

MerryBiglipsmas · 15/12/2006 18:09

it will be hard at first then in the end the tantrums may come shorter as they know that "mummy is not paying attention!!...oh forget it!"

LIZS · 15/12/2006 18:17

I doubt she's being spiteful at 13 months or even deliberately stroppy. In some ways her pinching, shrieking etc is her being naturally inquisitve and expressive. It is simply she has become aware, through your reactions thus far, that such behaviour gets a reaction and attention from you. By ignoring it, you remove that and divert her interest. But in a child so young it will take time for this to be remembered and the behaviour to change, so persistence and consistency is important.

tinkerbellie · 15/12/2006 18:30

hi
i also have a fifteen month daughter and she is behaving like this too
she is extremely high pitched and when something is taken from her that she shouldn;t have or if she is told "no" she will bite the thing nearest to her or my five year old son if she can get hold of him. she also just on occasion will go up to him and pinch him or bite him for no particular reason,when she is told no she will throw herself on the floor then go and bite the sofa

maybe this is a girl thing because ds never behaved like this

Original poster

nannynickers · 19/12/2006 00:46

Probably is a girl thing the same a boys are boysterous all those little hormones!

Things are going well with DD, the Christmas Tree is a challenge though, hows it going with you tinkerbellie?

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