3yr Old won't sleep

[larn555]

My wife and I are having a hard time with our daughter, she has a good routine of dinner, TV, bath or shower, then to bed by 8pm with a story, usually audio. By 12am she will wake up and demand another audio story, she gets one and will fall asleep again, then wake by around 2am, sometimes she asks for milk or water and needs the potty, then she sleeps again until maybe 4am wakes up crying saying she is scared, put another audio story on then she falls asleep again. wakes up at 6 and maybe sleeps until 7 or 8.

I work a night shift, so my wife is alone dealing with her on most nights, my wife likes to have some time to her self and goes to bed from between 1 to 2am, she then deals with her and by 8am she is trying to make her go back to bed.

I came home today at 7.40am and she was crying, i held her for a bit and my wife came in and told me she had been waking up all through the night, so i asked my daughter to go back to bed for a bit, but she went crazy and looks very awake like she was ready to get up. I then argued with my wife, i told her she should just get up with her and then later tonight go to bed at the same time as her, so she can get herself into a better sleep pattern.

I believe the problem to be my wife, surely 1 to 2am is too late? I wonder what most mums do that stay at home? she shouted at me and said it's not her fault. When we have talked to the health visitor, they never blame her when i bring this up, I think they seem sexist towards me like I'm just the dad ! what do i know about it?

So i wonder if there are any suggestions? or opinions about what we might be doing wrong.

thank you

Sorry, no advice, but just had to comment "it's surely my wife's fault" bit. What a shitty thing to say.
Your DD has an established bed routine, it's a shame she keeps on waking up, but your DW did a good job establishing one and putting it in place every night.
Speaking from my own experience with a 2.5 yo and a newborn, the reason I go to bed at 1am is mainly so I have SOME time for me, when I don't have to entertain my toddler or bf my newborn as I know she will then sleep a good 3hr stretch without demanding for a feed.
The fact you work nights means you don't really see what it's like to have to wake up for your DD night after night, and that's on top of the everyday mundane tasks that sahm moms encounter.
Instead, you should be thinking of treating your DW to maybe a nice spa day, give the woman a break.
Good luck either way.

I have a night waking toddler and am in bed by 9pm most nights! Sod the 'me time' - sleep is much more important to me and this life stage really doesn't last long. I get the 'me time' when my toddler is napping or in the weekend when DH will have both our children for a few hours.

I don't think your DW should be imposing her sleep pattern on your DD, it is natural for young children to get up for the day between 6 and 8am. Forcing her to go back to bed when it's light outside and the day has started is not fair, or natural - kids don't do lie ins!

Maybe leave the audio story playing all night? That way you won't have to keep going in and turning it on when it finishes.

my wife gets a break when I'm off, I have a least 3 nights a week at home, so I know what it's like, but I get to bed earlier. I let my wife do her diy creative stuff she wants to do, then I get to know how it feels. The thing is, my daughter respects me more and doesn't play up as much, when she wakes I put her back to bed and she doesn't complain. So I think there is something lacking in their relationship and that's why she gives my wife a harder time.

I find it very odd that she expects the little one to sleep past 7.40 in the morning? That's a lie in in our house! Sounds like she doesn't understand how it works, she needs to go to bed at a better time. Surely midnight would be enough alone time?