3 yr old hitting/pushing/snatching

[hannahncakes]

Hi all,
my youngest son started pre-school in September and we have had constant bad reports about his behavior. He hits, snatches, pushes and shouts at the other children. He sometimes does this to his older sister at home also.
He gets very frustrated when he cannot get his own way and often has explosive tantrums which I believe result in the hitting.

I am very upset because at home and with adults he is a very kind, warm and loving child who loves colouring quietly and having big hugs. He just doesn't seem to be able to interact with children of his own age.

When I ask him why he does something (eg "why did you hit Thomas today?") he just responds with "because I did" and refuses to say any more. He doesn't seem bothered when I say it hurts other people or it's not kind and he just laughs when I attempt to role play situations with him or act it out with toys.

We have talked a lot about having kind hands, tried putting him in time out, ignoring the bad behaviour and talked endlessly about it but he will just say he knows it's wrong and he's sorry then do it all over again.

The school seem to be getting very fed up with his behavior and when I pick him up they just say "can you talk to him about it because he's not listening to us."

I really don't know what to do any more. I feel sick when I go to pick him up from school because I'm so worried what they'll say. I can't take him out of the setting either because I work so need the childcare and also he'll be starting reception in September coming so I feel he needs to be used to being around other children by then.

If anyone has any advice at all I would be very grateful, I feel like I'm failing him by not being able to help :(

Well its the terrible threes, isn't it? You're not going to get a sensible answer about why he's doing these things, because he is not old enough to rationalize that yet. And I feel for you because my DD had terrible threes for a whole year and I was beside myself and then it stopped suddenly, thank god.

You have to be very firm. You say "no" you remove him from the situation, or the object which is being snatched. You repeatedly talk about sharing and being kind and gentle. You demonstrate this in your actions with him.

I think you need to form a plan of action with the nursery workers too, so that everyone is being consistent in terms of actions and how to deal with things. Is there a naughty step or similar at nursery? Are you able to have other consequences, like no TV (or whatever) when things go wrong?

Sorry, not got a lot of suggestions, its not that easy giving advice because each child is so different.

I read a book called Discipline the Brazelton Way and it was really helpful. It helped my stop my kids from whining and also dealt with sibling rivalry. It has everything I thought I'd need in it, if you can get your hands on a copy?