My 18 month old is a biter - help!

[fimrie]

My 18 month old son is generally v happy and sociable but has just started a v disturbing habit of biting other children. I took him to a toddler group this morning and he had a really bad incident where he really sank his teeth into another boy's arm, when the other boy wouldn't let him into the wendy house. I was horrified but the situation wasn't made better by the other parents exclaiming 'he's bitten him!' in real shock as if they'd never seen this situation arise before, and the boy's grandmother made a real fuss, insisted on showing me the bite mark (it was bad) and took my name + phone no. in case his mum wanted to contact me. I handled the situation beautifully by bursting into tears (I am 7 months pregnant so that's my excuse). When this has happened before I have removed my son from the other child, said 'no biting' very firmly, and sat him on my lap as a time out, but the message doesn't seem to be getting through. In fact it seems to be getting worse. I really don't want to stop taking him to groups because I don't think that will help him to learn how to behave but I'm finding it really stressful now. Also, my new baby is due in Feb and I'm really worried about this this will affect his Hannibal Lecter-like tendencies, Any advice would be very gratefully received!

To be honest there is nothing you can do apart from what you are doing already, this is a phase that a lot of children go through. My son is forever getting bitten at nursery by the same child (he's 21 months) and the nursery staff remove the other child and tell them NO. It's not very nice for either parent (the biter or the bitten) but I think the boys grandmother handled it very badly. If it happens again just explain that it is normal for this age and do exactly what you done before. It will pass eventually!

DS has started biting particularly when tired and or frustrated. He picked it up from a younger child where we live.

I know it's a phase and it will pass. I say 'no biting' or 'keep your teeth safe' A behaviour improvement teacher at his school (he only bites me or DH, I just sought advice) told me that when a child bites you, don't remove the bitten part but continue to gently push it into the mouth. This overwhelms them and they release their grip (like holding a cat's nose to get it to swallow pills I suppose. While they are still shocked you can tell them what they have done wrong.

It does work. DS progressed from biting as a rule to only when tired and narky.

I think your handling it well tbh. It's the huge fuss that others make that makes you feel bad. It's not like you send your child out to bite is it!

Best of luck with it.

Thank you, will try that. I have calmed down a bit now, and hopefully it will be a short phase!

Hi Fimrie, my ds is 25 mths and went through a phase of biting for about 5 mths AARGGH and just like yours, the message just didn't seem to be getting through. The nursery were at their wits end and we tried everything - time out/chill out time, NO firmly, removal from main play area, baby sign language, turning biting into kissing, and trying to give him other ways to express himself if he was being robbed (usual trigger for him, and nursery is a bit "wild west" in that respect, they tend to leave the kids to sort their own battles over toys etc...different country different ways I suppose )...

...with ds part of the problem was communication, he's quite a late talker. However, about a month ago we took a look generally at his routines, sleep, eating etc etc and made some changes. He went into his big boys bed, we transformed his lunch into 2 smaller snacky meals at 11 and 3 (seemed to be what he needed!) and tried to make sure he gets a sleep at the same time every day instead of sometimes early sometimes late. The old way had really worked for him but it was just time to change. Weirdly within a week he had stopped biting completely, and now seems to understand if he does something wrong (usual type of thing, robbing toys or pushing at nursery eg) and says sorry with a hug.

Don't know if anything in this really long ramble has helped, but I wanted to be reassuring that it WILL pass even though it doesn't feel like it at the moment! ..and also that maybe there's something else you could change in order to change his day slightly, make things fresh again and stimulate him to progress a bit with it. Good luck, really know how you are feeling ! x

Hi A bit late I know but if you check again you'll see my thoughts! My son 23 mths is biting too. Only occassionally when overexcited by a game or tired but upsetting nonetheless. We (DH and I) have jointly decided what we'll do to be consistent at home and elsewhere. We will pick himm up immediately say no biting loudly and at hoome put him in his playpen for about two three minutes (which has no toys in and is now seldom used). When we're out we will take him from what he is doing and either put him in pushchair and hold him against wall or in another room. The only thing about putting him on your lap is its a bit like a cuddle IYSWIM. HTH Hasn't bitten for three days after we did the playpen twice one day so hopefully.....