Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Soooooo fed up of daughter's behaviour

13 replies

Taler · 10/12/2015 19:31

Me/DH: would you like Shreddies, Cherios or banana porridge?
DD: nana porrie
But as soon as we put it on the table for her it's "no" "no" "no". Sometimes followed by tears sometimes not!

We don't pander to her and when she's like this we tend to ignore it and either walk away and/or say something like "ok you don't have to eat it".

Sometimes she'll then start eating, other times she'll have a full on melt down.

This tends to happen with most things we offer her and we do offer her a choice, which I'm told is a good thing to do!

Anyone have any words of wisdom please or suggestions?

TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

elelfrance · 10/12/2015 19:38

how old is she?

Original poster

Taler · 10/12/2015 21:41

2 years old

OP posts:

scratchandsniff · 10/12/2015 21:47

They all do it. Don't give her options. Put the breakfast in front of her and make it clear its that or nothing, she will get on and eat it if she's hungry. I find if we carry on getting our breakfast and don't pay DS too much attention when I look round a bit later he's tucking in.

Original poster

Taler · 10/12/2015 21:54

But have been advised that giving them a choice is good as some of the reason they do say no a lot is because they are trying to assert their inependence, they don't always wanna do what we want them to do and when we want.

Although certainly feel like NOT giving her a choice at times!

I know most toddlers do this but find it really tiring!

If after a while she clearly isn't eating and I go to take the bowl/plate away she will sometimes cry about that, so I'll say "do you want it then?". She'll say yes but then when I give it to her again she doesn't wanna know!

It's like she is really confused too yet she's creating the confusion (indirectly).

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 10/12/2015 21:57

if you have to give her choices, give her two choices. But, actually, at 2, I would not give choices if it causes a meltdown. Independence comes later. And you don't need to encourage it, as soon enough, it'll be upon you.

ffffffedup · 10/12/2015 22:01

I agree don't give her a choice she's only 2 probably doesn't understand the meaning and consequence of choosing

YeOldeTrout · 10/12/2015 22:02

Oh, I'd just keep asking again & again. It will be something minor to do with presentation that she's unhappy with but can't explain.

"Ah, so you said banana porridge? Here's the banana, did you mean this the of banana? Watch me prepare it, Are You Sure? Shall I peel it now? Where do I put it next? In this bowl on that plate in her hand? Which bowl? The blue bowl? Ah, you mean the red bowl. This red bowl?" I know it sounds tedious (I don't always have time), but mine were late speakers so was good excuse to help them with listening.

"These are the oats, here's the bowl, the spoon, the milk. Next step is pour the oats, now do you think it's time for the oats?..." Talk thru every step for her approval.

I find it correct to assume it's me that didn't understand

YeOldeTrout · 10/12/2015 22:02

(ah, splendid typos of mine...)

scratchandsniff · 10/12/2015 22:04

My DS does exactly the same. Always breakfast, not too bad at other mealtimes. He's often better if he doesn't have breakfast straight away I.e. watches a bit of cbeebies or plays for a bit first. Gives him more time to wake up properly I think. Distraction is also another tool I find handy, maybe try changing the subject completely and start talking about what the day has in store. Also getting DS to help get his breakfast ready seems to help. For example I'll let him put his hand in the cereal packet and put out into his bowl.

Original poster

Taler · 10/12/2015 22:09

Thank you for responses.

We also let her put her hand in the cereal packet and have a few Shreddies/Cherrios while we get it ready.

Also ask her whether she'd like the red or yellow bowl etc etc.

Am thinking maybe NOT giving choice is a good option for us but as she's been used to choice would this not make things worse if we suddenly remove it?

OP posts:

Ferguson · 10/12/2015 23:07

Hi 'kids' !

Maybe only give her choice between two things, and not three, as that makes it more difficult to choose.

I agree it's good to let children have some 'control' over their life, and in the long run it probably produces a more responsible attitude, and a happier person.

I remember it was a mild, sunny Boxing Day, when our DS was two or three and we asked him where he would like to go, if we went out. He named somewhere MUCH further away than I was expecting, (half way across Dartmoor, in fact), but we went, and had a great time. So I think it is important the child's decision is honoured, if at all possible.

[How is 'bed' going? And you still haven't told me about birthday yet. Send me a PM sometime.]

PavlovtheCat · 11/12/2015 12:06

Oh, I'd just keep asking again & again. It will be something minor to do with presentation that she's unhappy with but can't explain definitely something in this. My DS is 6 and still has this problem. This morning, I asked what he wanted in his porridge, he said either sugar or honey. he then saw me putting honey in, and went into complete meltdown, 'i don't want honey! you never said you were putting honey in it! I won't eat it!'. It turns out, when he finally calmed down, quite a while later, that the problem was not the honey, but that I had used honey from a pot that had gone quite solid, so it was not the liquid that he was used to seeing poured in and it freaked him out. And he is 6!

PalcumTowder · 11/12/2015 18:44

I think you're right to give a choice. They have so little control over their own lives, my theory is if they feel in control of he little things they won't mind about the big things so much.

It seems to be working with my 2 yo anyway! Although the no no no phase is till totally normal. It's so ingrained in DS now that he says "noooo-YES!"

Flip