What would you do?

[Lollypop]

I was in the supermarket queue the other day when the mother behind me pulled her child (about 3)and said 'Stop that you little sh*t'. I've no idea what the poor kid had done but no one deserves to be spoken to like that. I couldn't believe it and just gave her a really nasty stare but she didn't seem to notice/care. Should I have said something?

I hate to say it but it would be a complete waste of your time. If she thought there was anything wrong with what she was saying she wouldn't have said it in the first place. A stranger in the supermarket unfortunately isn't going to change her behavior. The mother of my two younger stepchildren is constantly swearing at them and around them and is forever complaining to my husband that the kids swear at her. And despite however many times he points it out to her she can't see the connection. I just don't think she knows any better.

Lollypop, have a look at the hotly debated 'mothers ignoring children' thread...unfortunately it's a fact of life that people do have different standards about what is acceptable in parenting, and it's hard to act unless you see evidence of actual physical harm.

I agree with SofiaAmes and sniksnak. As awful as it is to witness a child being spoken to that way, there's little you can do about it. It's tragic, but to that particular mother, that is a "normal" reaction, and the child probably hears it all the time. Hopefully, s/he can switch off to it to some extent but like all child abuse (and mental abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse IMO), it will leave some scars, such as low self-esteem. You can only hope there is some adult in that child's life who is kind and patient and loving, and who makes that child feel worthy and special.

Our neighbours (to the rear) have very foul mouths on them, both the mum and dad. When they moved in the children were about 2 and 4, and the way they yelled at them and the names they would hurl at them would curl your toes ("You're a f*in' d*kead" for example). I used to cringe whenever I heard one of them, especially out in their backyard, since my kids would be able to hear them word for word. I spoke to someone in a children's services dept and they said unless there was evidence of physical abuse there was little they would do since there were so many more severe cases of abuse to be handled. Very sad. Now I hear them playing out the back (now 4 and 6) and they call each other idiots and worse, or dish out vengeance on the poor dog. And yet to see the mum down at the school, you would never guess the things that come out of her mouth at times! We all "lose it" sometimes, but there is no need and no excuse for language like this to be aimed at a child. Unfortunately, not everyone feels that way I guess.

I was in the supermarket recently and could hear a woman swearing at someone, obviously a child - she was calling him a fing this that and the other and saying how many times have I fing told you not to do that. I got a bit annoyed because my dd is repeating everything at the moment so I went for a sneaky look and there was a boy of about 7 who had bumped into his mum with the trolley and she was pushing her mother in a wheelchair. Obviously they all speak to each other like that - I know my mum would have given me a piece of her mind had I behaved like that.

Very difficult situation Queenie, certainly I am with you it makes my skin crawl to hear parents swearing at children. I wouldn't know what to do either, if you said anything you would probably just get an earful back.

What I usually do if I hear anyone swearing within earshot of my dd is simply say "Excuse me could you not say that please, she is picking everything up at the minute!" as nicely as I can, this usually shames them into apologising and I just hope that next time they'll take more care.