Angry toddler...is his behaviour normal?!

[jellybean321]

Hi hope you can give me some advise or reassurance. I have son who is just over 2 and half and has always been a handful..but his behaviour is awful at the moment. He shouts at us all the time and is very angry about everything! He never sits still and often climbing all over us..runs off in shops/street still and has epic tantrums ..he points his finger aggressively at us a lot and at other people and has started shouting to shut up. He hits out at us and hardly ever follows what he is asked..whining and arguing about everything. He get cross if we don't follow what he wants to do..even like going to the zoo the other day (his fav place) he had a set agenda where he wanted to go and what to see and wouldn't follow the rest of the family. He is very strong willed and wont be swayed or compromise. He would do anything he doesn't want to do or fit in with others ideas. Is this normal behaviour for his age? im so exhausted with his behaviour. He demands all the time and shouts ..never talks so loudly. If he decides he dosent like someone (which is often) he kicks his legs out to push them away, screwing up his face at them and shouting no...pointing his finger at them which is so embarrassing:( Is this normal behaviour or not? Is there any light at the end of the tunnel ? Any advise how to improve and deal with it? We try the ignore, thinking step, distract..with no look. The other day at the zoo we went through the shop at the end and he started grabbing handfuls of every toy and wouldn't let go..thinking he could have them all..he would listen, started to create and scream so I had to carry him out kcking and fighting to the carpark..he then pulled and screamed and wouldn't get in the car seat and was hurting my back trying so I had to out him on the floor next to the car ..he then tried to escape around the car park so wasn't safe. I eventually got him into the car and he screamed at the top of his lungs all he way home:( sorry for the very long post!

And by the way then he can have nearly a week where he is loving and smiling and polite before it starts again...almost in cycles ? Is this usual behaviour? We can't find a route to the cause...he sleeps well, his diet is watched carefully etc thanks

Do you let have some choices so the blue top or the green top, sometime let him.choose which route to take home, which park to go to, what snack (from two you think are ok) etc?
Also how much do you explain to him beforehand so do you tell him we are going into the shop every child can pick one toy and pay the lady. You can't take any more. Or first we are doing x and then we will do your thing y

All the time winchester1 ..he gets choices and I explain and talk to him about and before everything but he stills sticks to his own ideas .:(( I talk about changes, what we are doing next, what I expect when we get to somewhere but it dosent make a difference ..today he goes to a childminder and she was says he is the same there at the moment..a very angry little boy who is cross about everything which is so sad to hear. He hits her aswell and hits out at other children.

Anyone any idea what to do:( tonight I picked him up from childminders and he hysterically screamed all the way home and had t carry him into the house still at itbefore he tthrowing himself on the floor and into the door and tried to break his bottle and slam the door etc.. Screaming top of his lungs and nearly sick from it! Is this normal tantrum behaviour for some toddlers?! X

Maybe you could try some PDA techniques? It might be worth a try? (google PDA resource)

With toddlers, it's always worth checking whether hunger or tiredness underlies a tantrum. My DD has screaming tantrums when she's tired.

You need to explain less. He's 2 a so direct, simple instruction is more effective im my experience. I had a very unruly 2yr old and changed to this tactic...helped lots. Its a phase that most go through at this age, so dont be too hard on yourself! Before you leave for the zoo, you very briefly set the agenda "stay close to mummy, no running off etc and then you can choose 1 toy in the shop if youre a good boy etc". Let him know what to expect before you even head out.

Ill google PDA thanks. Anything as his tantrums are so extreme recently and nothing g else seems to be working. I really don't think its tiredness or sleep with the ones at the moment as know he has plenty of sleep and food but thanks anyways for commenting. Afropuffs I'll try to reduce how much I say but to be honest I already say things simply as he has speech delay and needs things explained like that. Akot of these incidents don't seem to have any reason really behind them...I'm most concerned about how extreme his tantrums have become ..last night it was quite scary ..and very tiring. I'm concerned they aren't normal but I've been to the doc and they say leave him till he is 3 .

Any help x we used the timeout step yesterday which had some effect but not sure how to tackle things when we are out and about? I don't really want to use the same idea say in the supermarket and wait while he screams the place down x

Could the behaviour be due to speech delay, is he frustrated at not being able to communicate? DD has speech disorder and she is often angry and frustrated and does hit out and scream. Does noise affect him? As in is the behaviour worse if you are in a shop rather than outdoors? DD can't stand the echo in shops and often kicks off. We were advised to use ear defenders (her wear them, not us lol) then she is in control of the noise - she likes to be in control! DD is often better if she has something to fiddle with/hold when she may be angry/anxious.

Hope you find some help

I think I would try to avoid places where he has to conform. Just go to parks and woods for walks.

I have two DGCs (different families) around this age and they have some dire tantrums - imo it's because they can't express what they want to do/know. Eg hysterics when having to get into car. I think annoyed because they don't want this to happen but have no way of explaining and feel out of control so get angry/upset.

I am assuming that they will disappear over the next 6 months or so when they learn to articulate their wants and understand when things are explained to them. So hopefully things will improve soon for you. It's very upsetting though, best of luck.

My DCs did this, of course, but their lives were much simpler, less going on, less need to do as they were told. And they grew out of it though too long ago for me to remember the timescale.

Thanks memom I definetly think the speech delay contributes to the anger and frustration. I'm hoping that will help as he improves with his speech .he has had glue ear so I'm sure that doesn't help but sometimes it is just because he doesn't want t do ashe his ttold ...as skl kids do but he totally loses control! Ssargassosea thanks for replying ..when I can I avoid structured places he has t conform but there are times we have no choice and Ifeel he needs t go these pplaces sometimes t learn how to behave(though I wish I hadn't taken him there when I do!!;) I just hope he growsout of it! Today we went t the baths and he was OKtill we went t get out then started kicking off because he didn't want a shower..didn't want t get dressed. Etc it went on in the changing rooms for 45 min ! X