How long do tantrums last-what should i do ?

[naughtymummy]

DS is upstairs having a`mega tantrum (2.8) this has been going on since 1020.
The trigger was brushing his teeth and going to the loo so we could go out (to a toddler group at the library which we will have now missed). He is still lying on the floor crying if i go near him, he starts screaming again, he is still refusing to brush his teeth so we are at a stand off.
I am gutted as his sister( 8 weeks old) will wake up soon and I wanted to give him some nice one on one mummy time (at the group )while his sister slept, instead he has yelled for 40 mins. It has never gone on this long before, I usually just ingnore it and say talk to me when you are calm, but don't back down on the request eg; teeth therefore teaching him that throwing a strop do es'nt change anything he usually calms down quite quickley eg 10 mins or so. I find i ca n't reason with him whilst he is tantruming as I just get angry and i don't think shouting at a worked up child helps. Today it is just all going pear shaped and i do n't know what to do help please .....

Stick your headphones on and listen to some Coldplay - on second thoughts the screaming might be a better option.

just ignore and get on with some housework.My ds had a 90 min one the other day,I got loads done!

naughtymummy, can't really advise as my dd 3.2 still does not brush teeth on a regular basis (she will flatly refuse).

I think when your ds is tantrumming for so long, he is as frightened and perplexed by the strength of his emotions as you are. I would just keep offering cuddles periodically (between ignoring and getting on with your other chores) until he is willing to accept it. And probably not press on the brushing teeth front. You can do that again tomorrow - chances are he will be much more amenable then.

You are a lovely mum for thinking of one-on-one time with him. He will come round, hth.

my ds1 (3.4) had a great one this morning - nearly 40 minutes of 'I don't WANT to wear my tracksuit bottoms, I WANT MY KHAKI TROUSERS'!

I tend to ignore, but if it goes on too long I give him a get-out option by saying in a loud voice (but not directly too him) something like 'I wonder whats for snack/lunch today?' or 'I wonder where that (favourite toy)is?'. As soon as the howling stops and he starts to look interested give praise for stopping the silly noise and get him distracted quickly .

Generally speaking I ignore too for however long it lasts, but there are the odd occasions when the dcs (3 and 2) completely lose it and are utterly and totally hysterical and incapable of calming themselves down. When this happens, I can't just leave them and will just sit and hug them in silence - as soon as they calm down I ask if they are going to do whatever it was that started whole nightmare in first place - usually they will, but if not, I will leave them alone again.

ignore.
Then when it reaches hysteria cuddle in silence til it turns to sobbing and heavy hearted breaths. aaah.

When they are big and shouting talk to the hand Ma! you will miss these tantrums honestly!

Thanks all. Also those who posted earlier but have bizzarily disapeared. Eventually after going up there every 10 mins or so he did calm down and brush his teeth and do a wee.Then we had a nice time playing before his sister woke up. The sears website was particularlily good -a pity the post has gone, I think as mathlide says there is a point at which ignoring needs to turn to comfort for everyones good maybe i wait too long (getting on with other things ) to reach that point.
For the record we went on to have a brilliant day realy helpful and kind and very, very cheerful -so maybe ignoring is the best policy. Did teeth tonight with no fuss at all (puzzled face)