am I normal?

[Ladypug]

I'm pretty sure I'm not normal - I have a 2 week old baby who has crying fits (colic). I've not really been out in public yet, only a handful of times and each time I get really nervous and on edge that she will cry, I try to get the shop done really fast so she doesn't kick off. When inevitably, she does kick off I get really nervous and anxious, I feel very flustered and can feel people looking at me and getting annoyed with her crying. I've started to fear going out - is this normal? I can't just avoid life forever but she might be like this for months!

You are normal. People do look. You do panic, not knowing what people think, panicking because your baby won't stop. BUT, everyone was a baby one day. EVERY baby cries. Just stop what you are doing, and calm your baby, you are allowed! If you get fractious, your baby will get worse. I didn't know what I was doing with my first baby, and felt awkward because I wasn't confident in doing certain things which just makes simple things look awkward and it all gets too much, but your baby is your priority- don't feel you have to shut her up for everybody else's benefit. Some people might offer help, that is so reassuring! Be confident you are doing everything right, and you will be fine. If you are planning a big shopping trip, make a wee plan in your head, if she kicks off, take the trolley with you to the changing room and lock the door. Allow time so you can stay until she is fine, then head back out. It might take you 2 hours to get round the supermarket, we've all been there, but that's absolutely fine! Or if you are in the town centre, work out where all the changing rooms are, or Mothercare (ours has a lovely feeding room, they probably all do), and plan your trip, have a back-up and a contingency plan too.
YOU are in control, you have the power, and YOU can do this. Please don't shut yourself off from the world, you need to get out and so does your baby. And, it is possible. Enjoy your baby while she is still that. I hope this helps. I'd love to hear how you get on!!

When dd was 2 weeks old, I only left the house with her when I was with dp who was on paternity leave. And that was him driving us to essential things like dd needing to get checked over and registering her birth. We went out for a walk to the park once and I could barely walk, I was still injured from the birth. When dp was back at work I think it was quite a while before I dared to go out. I was scared of her crying, scared of breastfeeding her outdoors, still in pain, scared of bothering people, just like you.

You've just had a baby and your hormones are probably all over the place. Give yourself a break. Don't lock yourself away but don't feel obliged to go out. She's 2 weeks old that's nothing. I don't think it'd fully sunk in that I had a baby by then. I spent all my time watching dvds and breastfeeding.

When you're up to it, start with small trips to local shops or parks. Take your baby to get weighed. If you have a partner/mother/friend/other family member who can come with you a few times that might help you build confidence. Don't worry if not, you've already been out on your own, you're already way ahead of where I was! You can travel further for longer as she gets bigger and you get more confident - which you will. Remember in these early days getting out is more for your benefit, as I said before don't feel obliged. I used to feel guilty for not taking dd out but I look back and see that was silly. She loves running around outside now she's 15 months but at 2 weeks she didn't know she was born, literally.

And don't worry about other people. Trust me most people love to see babies, especially really young ones, most people have been there themselves with a newborn and know what it's like. They'll either smile or say awww what a gorgegous baby, or they'll ignore you.

Speak to your health visitor if your nerves and anxiety does not get any better but honestly you sound completely normal. Most new mothers feel like this to start. Most people have no idea I felt that way apart from my dp, just because another mum might look confident and together etc doesn't mean she is. Congrats on your baby op! Enjoy these days, I really miss the days when my dd would stay cuddled into me on my lap for hours. Once they start crawling, it's game over! My dd has colic too, it doesn't work for everyone but infacol was great for her. X

Thanks guys this really helps! Glad I'm not alone. I like the idea of planning a route etc - thank you! X

No one's annoyed with her crying. if they're like me they're wishing they could give her a cuddle (I love the newborn stage) and thinking how brave you are to come out so soon.

Maybe I can make you laugh with my dd2 having a scream story.
She was born without a hand. At 5 months she got given a prosthesis, which looks good enough to pass at first glance. Mostly she pulled it off and chewed it.
But I also had problems with her climbing out of the buggy, because she could get her little arm out of the straps easily and then the rest of her followed.
So I used to put her in the buggy, put her prosthesis on, give her something to hold and bring her coat sleeve down over her prosthetic hand. that stopped her getting out.
Now she used to cry by going from peaceful happy, to full loud screaming in about 2 seconds flat.
So I wasn't too impressed when she was screaming and I was hurrying to get to somewhere where I could feed her (out town has carefully arranged all feeding places down the same end ) and I got stopped by an anxious old lady.
"Your baby has broken her arm," she said.
I wasn't into conversing so I just said "no she's hungry" and continued fast.

Got to the feeding place and found her prosthesis had bent the wrong way so it looked like her arm was bent backwards.

Hehe thanks witch end, that made me laugh and feel better! The health visitor said today that it's worse because I'm in tune with her cry so I hear it more acutely than anyone else! I have never judged anyone for a crying baby so I'm not sure where this irrational fear has come from but its heightened by the fear of feeding in public which I haven't really done yet (I escape to mothercare but it's not always going to be possible so I have to get brave!)

Definitely normal! Getting out and about does get easier the more you get used to it. I was terrified at first and like you, I was worried about reactions to crying and feeding. I've not had a single bad reaction (DD is 5 months), people aren't interested or they just smile and tell me she's cute!

Thanks touch, DD cries a lot (colic) but I hope I get the same response!