3.5yo sons behaviour, reassurance

[awittyusername]

Ladies, I have a lovely 3yo boy, he is loving and funny and friendly. A couple of things he does has me wondering if it's normal and that's why I've turned to mumsnet.

He talks non stop from morning to night. He commentates on absolutely everything he's doing even if I'm doing it with him or watching him do it. He always starts everything with "mummy" or "daddy" or the name of whoever he's speaking to, and you absolutely have to respond "yes" before he can tell you what he wants to say. If you don't say "yes" he'll keep saying "mummy mummy mummy mummy", getting louder and louder and more frustrated until you answer. This happens even when it's just two of us in the room. I've tried saying to him, it's ok, it's just us here I'm always listening to you, you don't have to hear me say yes, just tell me what you want. But it never changes. Typing this I realize it might sound dumb, but I'm often on my own with him for 12hrs a day, 5 days a week and it gets exhausting.

He's very particular about how he wants people to respond to whatever he's saying, or how he wants them to do when playing a game with him. This causes problems with other kids as for an example they might want animals to go on the car garage instead of cars and he'll get frustrated and shout that only cars should go on the garage, or grab them off the garage upsetting the other kid. It's like he's learned things a particular way and that's how it has to be, absolutely no scope for others imagination!!

He does often get frustrated if he can't do a particular thing, you can see the red mist descend and the strop coming, he gets angry and cries, we tell him to ask a grown up for help and try not to lose his temper, but it doesn't work. Is there anyway I can help him to manage his temper?

Does all this sound quite normal for a 3yo? We were with his cousin yesterday (same age) and she sits quietly by herself content at playing, whilst our son is running a commentary demanding people listen and getting frustrated. He also has a few other 3yo friends that we see regularly and I don't witness these behaviours from them. I'm just worried I'm screwing my kid up!

Hi, sounds exactly like my ds1 at that age, if not a bit earlier. Especially the "mummy mummy mummy" until I said yes. Made me so frustrated, as you say, especially when there were only the two of us in a room. Now ds2 is going through the same phase. I often say "no" instead of "yes" which puzzles him but makes him think a bit about what it is he wants.
The game playing is completely normal and if comparing to other children, just a symptom of a bright and imaginative child. Some children are far happier to go along with another's game, just different characters. I would still gently point out though that getting angry or refusing to play with others is not the way.
I really wouldn't worry, and definitely don't compare to other kids, you can drive yourself mad!

It sounds normal but irritating.

However if you continue to be concerned then do go and see your GP, and hopefully be referred to a paediatrician. A parents feeling that "there is something different" should always be taken seriously, as the first signs of so many things can be a bit vague.

He sounds exactly like my 3.5 year old. Are you in the UK? If do definitely get your 15 hours early years education in, 2.5 days a week at preschool it saves my sanity!

I feel the same! It's ok most of the time but if I'm stressed (from work) and it's just the two of us, I find myself getting really on edge.

I am going to go against the grain here and suggest you go to the GP and request a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

Research ASD, ADHD and dyspraxia and list any symptoms that you recognise giving one or preferably 2 real life examples. It is helpful to video concerning behaviours too.

Very normal and VERY exhausting. My DD is still like this at 4. She will repeat the same statement over and over and over even if I acknowledge it or repeat it back to her. It drives me properly insane. Especially, like you say, when it's just you and them for nigh on 12 hours

I agree with Starfright. From your posts it sounds like you suspect that your DS's development / behaviour isn't neurotypical and a mother's instinct is usually right. You lose nothing from having him assessed - if he is developing within the 'normal' range then great your mind is put at rest and you can just enjoy your inquisitive little boy, but if there is a developmental delay or learning difference then the earlier this is diagnosed the better. Early interventions can make the world of difference. Good Luck xx I have two boys 7 and 9 who both have ASD and I knew from very early on that they were different and special - I just wasn't ready to accept it and hoped that if I just parent them better then they would grow out of it! When they went to school, especially Year 1 their differences were too obvious to ignore and they just couldn't cope without support. I wish I would have done things differently and sought help earlier. Of course I do not know enough about your little boy to suggest he also has SEN I'm just sharing my experiences. My best advice would be to listen to your gut instincts. Good luck x

He sounds just like my almost 3.5 year old DS - except whereas you describe your DS talking non stop, my DS shouts non stop all day! It does get very wearing, constantly having to say 'I'm right next to you, please don't shout... Yes, sweetie you already told me that five times...' and so on. His hearing has been checked and he's fine, just very loud and talkative!

My ds, who is just over 3.5yo, also does the mummy thing and talks non stop. He also occasionally gets upset at noise...he makes plenty though and can be very stressy over things being a particular way. He had the cheek to tell me ssshhh you talk to much mummy the other day!

Your son sounds exactly like my DD was at a similar age. She's now 9 and still expects me to answer "yes" before proceeding with her questions. My youngest (aged 7) never wanted my attention for anything other than toys, drinks, snacks etc. She played alone for hours on end. She's the one with ASD.

I have a 3.5 year old dd just like yours. Completely exhausting. I dread to think how many times she shouts out 'Mummmmmy' in one day. Also, gets very frustrated when things don't go her exact way. Drives me totally bonkers. Has a super stubborn streak too. I guess on the plus side she'll never get pushed around in life but I reckon I get a new grey hair every day!

I hear you, I really do!!

My 3.5 yo DS is exactly the same as you describe.
I do sometimes wonder if his behaviour is normal.
DS is very particular. In his eyes everything is black and white. Animals absolutely do not play on the garage, that is for cars and totally unacceptable. He likes things done as he thinks they should be and gets very frustrated if he sees something as being done wrong.
He's very stubborn. But he's also very sociable, outgoing and (mostly) kind to others. He has some epic tantrums though. I feel like DS is full of contradictions. Some of his behaviours concern me, and then others make me think it's all totally normal and this is just him. Nursery don't seem to have any concerns so I just don't know.

I feel your pain with the talking nonstop. We also have constant questioning and by the end of the day I'm exhausted.

Also the red mist. I can occasionally snap him out of it if I catch him early enough but he tends to have to scream himself out. The only thing that helps is keeping him busy because he's worse when bored. Which is all well and good but some days I just have to do shopping/housework/some work and can't be keeping his brain busy all day!

It truly is exhausting and by the time I've got him in bed all I want to do is go to bed myself!

My mothers's instinct is telling me nothing is wrong with my little boy, but my DS age nearly 4 does ALL the things you mentioned, including being very particular about how to play with his toys. I.e. I am only allowed to hold X car today, this alien needs to go in this rocket, the alien dog can ONLY go in the other happyland rocket, the dinosaurs cannot play with the Lego people etc etc etc. So many rules! He also has his own variation of the mummy thing, gets very whiny at times and is generally fairly hard work! Bless him! (He's still super cute now he's asleep though!)

I didn't mean to offend when I said to the OP it "sounds like you suspect that your DS's development / behaviour isn't neurotypical and a mother's instinct is usually right" and I'm sorry if it came across like this. I was just sharing my experience of feeling that way when my boys were that age - and it turns out that I should have listened to my instinct as they do have autism. From all the posts above it sounds as though the OP has nothing to worry about at all and most likely she has a typically developing, inquisitive little boy. Best wishes to all x