Ds wants me to go away and Dd1 hates me......what the hell am I doing wrong ??

[nutcracker]

I have done a bloody parenting course for gods sake and yet I am still messing in it up big time.

Today has been full of tantrums from Dd1 who has acted like a 2 yr old instead of the 9 years that she is. She told me she hates me, told dd2 she hates her and will never like her and basically that she doesn't care what anyone thinks about her.

Ds (4) told me to get out of the house cos he doesn't like me. I asked him who would do his breakfast and wash his clothes etc and eventually he said, ok you can stay for that. It's not what he said that upset me, more the way he said it.

Yesterday he told me that daddy left cos I shouted at him alot and also said you don't like daddy but i do.

I am very careful not to dsicuss how i feel about xp in front of the kids but obviously they all blame me for whats going on anyway.

They all speak to me like i am a peice of shit especially ds who does seem to be struggling with the whole situation. I have said before that he regulalry tells me to shut up, calls me stupid and an idiot and actually called me a peice of crap the other week.
I donot use the word idiot or tell him to shut up, call him stupid etc but his sister does seem to I have noticed.

I just don't know why I am bothering anymore.

Have tried reward charts, praising good behavior etc but nothing works.

It's nothing you're doing wrong as such. Kids are like that - they've seen a weak spot in your armour and are going for it.

nutty, poor you. It must be very hard for you because you do all the hard work with the kids yet they seem to throw it back in your face.

But they're not - really, it just feels like it! They shout and scream and are rude to you because they feel safe doing so - they know you are not about to turn round and leave them/chuck them out. It's their way of venting their frustration at the situation they feel they can't control.

Add to that - it's coming towards the end of a very long term, they are all tired, they've all had birthdays and now Christmas is coming up, which is a double-edged sword because they are up and down like yo-yos in terms of emotions!

And I know that even though all of that probably makes a lot of sense, it doesn't undo the hurt you feel. So have a big ((((((hug)))))) from me

Thanks, I think it must be me or something I am doing wrong though, how can it not be, I am the one they spend the most time with.

I feel so tired and worn out with coping with them at the moment.

I don't do anything with them cos I always scared (not right word) that it will all end in tears a sone will start sulking if they are losing etc or one will suddenly play up or just be generally ungrateful.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong.

You're the only one there to take their frustrations out on, I'm guessing.

They're saying this safe in the knowledge that you won't stop loving them, you won't be leaving them, and you won't thump them for it.

I don't know what to suggest, sorry. I think you just have to weather the storm. Ignore, ignore, ignore etc. Also, a timely reminder that Father Christmas only delivers to children who don't say mean things to mummy?

Good luck.

If it is any consolation ds age 12 (13 next week) told me to go screw myself today. I was not impressed. Feel exhausted at the prospect of adolescence already.....

i think its something in the air today...

i dont think you are doing anything wrong either,well,if you are,then i am too,cos my dc's are exactly the same to me.dd1(8) always tells me she hates me and that her life is a misery cos of me.you would think i starve and beat her every day the way she goes on sometimes.she threw herself on the floor kicking and screaming like a 2 year old tonight cos i told her to get her spellings to practise for the test tomorrow.

does your ds see his father?if so then maybe thats where hes got this idea of him leaving being your fault cos you shouted at him etc?(after all,men never do anything to contribute to the breakdown of a relationship,do they?).i have found my ds1(nearly 9)talks to me like crap the way his father used to,ie demanding i do things for him and blaming me for everything.i have a new dp now and he thinks ds1 has got it into his head that hes the man of the house and so should take over from his father.

a couple of weeks ago ,after dd1 had called me a stupid bitch(again),i asked her if she'd speak to her teachers like that.she replied, 'no!i'd get into trouble if i spoke to a teacher like that!'.so i think what somebody said about your dc's feeling safe enough to talk to you like that hit the nail on the head really