3.5 yr old meets new baby

[hisandhers]

i've recently had a baby - a beautiful girl who is proving the easiest member of the household! her brother, however, is cheekier than ever (kind of was before too..), more volatile and refusing to do as he's told. i initially thought it might be linked to her arrival but now im not so sure as we arent actually doing anything different with him and trying really hard not to give him any less attention (altho, naturally, he's bound to be getting a bit less). we had a big hoo-ha tonight over not touching the xmas treee baubles in case they got dropped and smashed on the floor - he wouldnt take my instruction not to handle them and got extremely narky. he then refused to come upstairs which was met by MY volatile reaction of banging his tractor off the floor and lifting him upstairs in a state of some fury. i find that the little irritations throughout the door eventually build up to a HUGE explosion and i end up not enjoying my children as much as i should. angst filled mother of hisandhers. x

This is normal hejust knows that things are different and this new baby is taking up his mummy time. It happened in our house too but it does get easier. I just tried to give my ds plenty of attention when his sister was sleeping and gave him plently of kisses and cuddles. We also got him invlolved in helping with his sister, good luck.

i am going through this too, but ds1 is only 2. Ds2 is now 12 weeks.
I have noticed a definate change in his behaviour, he is pushing the boundaries no end. I actually started a thread on this earlier in the week as I'd had a particularly bad day and feel like I am constantly thretening DS1 with the naughty step / no beebies / no story etc...and the advice i was given was to try not to react too harshly (not easy I know) as it is the biggest upheaval of their lives to have a new brother or sister and that distraction is better than punshment also you can expect it to last at least 3 months or so but things will settle down. One very good piece of wisdom I was given was that it is amazing with toddlers how much thry reflect your mood, so try and stay calm. Hope this helps and lets hope we both come out the other side in 1 piece!!!

Oooh, that heady mix of Threenagerishness and having a new sibling...I can relate. dd is very nearly 3, and her little sister is two weeks old - there are times when dd1 is her usual sweet self, but others when she is challenging everything in her world, me especially. It started a couple of weeks before baby arrived - she could sense something coming, and probably picked up on my and dh's excitement/anxiety - with disrupted sleep, and clinginess. Now, as she comes to terms with sharing her Mummy (and Daddy, but less so) she can be provocative and volatile, and just plain bloody hard work.
I find staying calm really helps (not easy or even possible at times when utterly knackered and/or sore) but the best tip I've had is to turn a blind eye to any but the worst behaviour, give her lots of leeway, masses of affedtion, and focus on the positives. Luckily, there are lots of them - she's also funny, affectionate and bright. And trying SO hard to be independent it hurts.

Someone once said having a new sibling and people expecting you to be happy about it is a bit like your partner coming home and saying 'guess what darling, we're going to have a new wife/girlfriend! Isn't that exciting?' and expecting you to behave well about it That image helps me be a lot more forgiving with dd, at least some of the time...

Oh, and I was told to expect it to take six months to settle down - and even then, rivalry will flare up at key points eg when baby starts crawling/walking/talking. Will be using MN a lot I think...