DD's bad behavior at school - Attention seeking or bi-polar?

[Charltonangel]

DD was 4 in August and started primary school in September. We were a bit worried about her starting school as she had displayed some bad behavior at nursery - hitting, wetting herself, occasionally biting. DH and I worked together and with her, to try and address the issues and things improved dramatically.

So her first parent's evening came round just before half term and the story isn't great. Essentially, she can't stand not being the centre of attention. If a teacher asks a question and she isn't called on to answer it, she shouts the answer out, or gets cross with the child who is chosen to answer. She pinches or kisses (!) children in assembly. She then answers back to teachers - when they call her out on her behavior, she tells them "No i didn't do [whatever it is they've just witnessed her doing]". Today it came to a head when she called one of the teachers a bitch in front of the class and the head called us in

She is not an angel at home but her behaviour is never as extreme as it seems to be at school - by and large I don't have any problems with her. My husband thinks she may have some kind of behavioural or mental health issue, whereas I think it's attention seeking.

Either way - what can we do? She's only four - I don't want her to be the naughty kid

dunno then Charlton. I agree this sort of pattern is worrying in a 4yo. Hope you sort it out

Yes funnys, although in my house we count to three - I rarely get to it!

Leavingsosoon I guess it's objective isn't it - as I've said, she isn't always perfect but she's generally an engaging and loving child with me and I am mortified about the way she has spoken to her teacher - I'd like to think she's well brought up but then I'm biased.

although I hesitate to say it being surrounded by teachers, DH,DM,Dsis etc Maybe the school isn't great? Our school would be all over this type of thing and would have certainly spoken to me to sort it out the very day it happened

I just don't know what to do.

Did the head give examples of strategies you could use with her teacher?
Have you looked at parenting courses / 123 magic?

Where did she learn the word bitch from? you need to get to the bottom of that.

What strikes me is the incidents mentioned aren't the kind that can't be ignored/dealt with by a mild warning. What happens at home when your attention is elsewhere and she has to wait? How does playing with other children outside school go? Does she go to any clubs? I would be hammering home turn taking and waiting games. Possibly look into social stories around those topics. Don't be alarmed that social stories were designed for children with ASD - just might be a useful resource for your DD.

I am not sure what you solve by taking stuff away eg if she is hitting. To me that requires different strategies eg putting her in a time out so learns that hitting = no one wants to deal with her until she can be nice (while explaining why she is in the time out).
The idea being that see makes a clear logical connection to something.

Same for biting.
For not listening, our preschool enforces "good listening" which works very well. There's no "punishment" for not listening - they just have to wait their turn and are acknowledged but ignored.

So I think I'm driving at taking stuff away only gets you so far. It doesn't teach the core of good behaviour and why you should behave (ie to take consideration of others) - it just teaches that you should do something otherwise there's a threat of losing something (which means you only think of yourself and what you lose)