DS (aged four) is breaking other children's models at school

[Helpmeout81]

The teacher is concerned about it and says she's never seen this type of behaviour before.

I feel sick with worry.

She says she's never come across the deliberate nature in which he has done this. She also says he then says 'bad dreams' have told him to do it!

He's said this at home before and although I was shocked I thought it's a clever way of shifting the blame and an overactive imagination! He's so gorgeous and clever.

She's also said he's a lovely little boy (he is), clever, well liked and really improved generally behaviourally.

Please be gentle with me. Feeling very anxious.

Any advice appreciated.

First thing, don’t panic, at 4 imagination and reality is hard to distinguish, so voices and things are perfectly normal. I just want to reassure you of this.

That said, you also might want to repost this in "SN children" as the advice there is fantastic for behaviour like this.

Thank you. I am so panicked! I feel sick and of course in my head he'll be probed and prodded by a psychologist. I'm also thinking this MUST be something I've caused!

Help take a step back. Your DS is your DS and whatever faults and failings, for want of better terms, he has are part of him. My DS is under assessment for ASD, getting my head around it has honestly been the hardest but now he is back to just being my lovely little boy. Btw if your son does need some interventions down the line you will have time to adjust but there is not much evidence yet to say he will. Has the teacher suggested any other professional input at this stage?

I think the teacher may be over reacting slightly. Is she new to the eyfs? It can be very normal for a child to be distructive of other children's models at this age as they consolidate boundaries and learn empathy.
Has she tried behaviour charts/rewards etc and focusing PSHCE lessons on boundaries and behaviour?

It's probably not something you've caused honestly. Things like this happen, He is 4, lots of weird things go on in 4 year olds heads.

Thank you everyone.

She says that they've not had much luck with behaviour charts.

We've had quite a bit of involvement with the school due to challenging behaviour which we've supported the school with 100%. I feel a bit like now things are being 'looked for'.

Not 'looked for' in a conspiracy type way - I mean in terms of this being quite a normal if quirky thing for his age but it being picked up on as we've had involvement in the past IYSWIM

Is he tired? My DS of the same age becomes aggressive and does things just to get a reaction when he's tired.

She says he can be fine, will do something like this, and then go back to being his happy self.

I haven't asked the frequency of this actually...

Is construction/model making an area he lacks confidence in/does he get frustrated by his own efforts not matching up to his expectations? Is he breaking other people's models because he's jealous, or because he wants their attention (is he feeling left out)? Often with destructive behaviour, it's more about how the child sees themselves in relation to others. It's within 'normal behaviour' for his age, am surprised teacher is surprised!

Maybe suggest to the teacher that whatever sensation he enjoys when breaking things could be substituted for something similar that isn't other people's models e.g. rummaging in.lego, tearing paper, squashing playdough?

Keep trudging - I think it jealousy! I then think he's trying to explain this with his 'bad dream' as doesn't have the capability yet to express this emotion.

I then think he's trying to explain this with his 'bad dream' as doesn't have the capability yet to express this emotion.

See the Bad dream could be that he imagined his model would be better, and he gets frustrated when it isn't. But of course can't express this is our terms.

Ahh! That's interesting. Yes like he feels similar when he has bad dreams and so he's using that by way of explanation?

It's only the 'better than his' models funnily enough!

The more I read help the more I think you might have an over zealous teacher in this instance. We had something similar with dd1. The teacher asked her to colour in yellow, not pink her favourite, DD was stubborn and coloured in yellow but drew a pink outline. The teacher pulled me in to meet her over this incident and told me 'in all her years of teaching she had never come across a more wilful or challenging child'. Thankfully she was a substitute but she was a retired experienced teacher so I admit I was worried.

Never once from that moment on have we ever had a complaint about Dds behaviour from a teacher in fact her compliance has been lauded time and again over the many years since. The teacher was way off the mark about her.