new baby and toddler not coping

[mabel1973]

I have a 2 year old (just) and and 11 week old. DS1 seemed to be coping quite well at 1st, just a little rough with DS2 at times, but his behaviour stayed the same, but in the last couple of weeks he has started to do purposefully naughty things, he seems intent on pushing all my buttons, and I am trying my hardest to stay calm - very hard when you've had a sleepless night. I am really trying to give him plenty of attention and make sure we play games together and do things that he enjoys. but i seem to spend half my time either putting him on the bottom step or using bribery (if you don't stop X you cars will be put awayetc..).~He seems very emotional at tim es and although has always been clingy with dh, this morning he spent 15 minutes kicking and banging the front door and screaming after dh had gone to work.
I would like some advice about how to deal with him, i am aware that it is a vunerable time for him, but i feel i need to draw a line somewhere with his behaviour. Or just if soemone could tell me that this is normal and it will improve????!

Mabel, I can't offer any specific advice on the behaviour issue - someone who can will come along shortly I'm sure - but I went through a terrible time when #2 arrived. So so difficult...tiredness, all routines (you've worked so hard to establish) shot to hell.

Later someone with 3 kids told me that with every new addition everything goes totally haywire for at least 3 months then DOES settles down. And it does! Try not to let it get you down.

I would reassure as much as possible and include him in baby stuff if he is interested.

Does he get any one on one tine with you or dh?

Taking him out might help - boys indoors tend to be loose units

Take care

Hi Mabel. This is normal and will improve. I went through all this last year. Mine are 3.5 and 20mnths now and it is soooo much easier. I think you just have to ride the storm. My DS started playing up at meals, getting out of bed constantly, unless we sat with him until asleep, tantrums, naughtiness, clingyness etc. I could never tell if it was just terrible 2s or reaction to new baby. I tended to give him the benefit of the doubt and avoid punishments if possible, trying to steer round trouble with distraction, lots of playing together etc. Poor baby didn't get much look in until DH came home and could take over with DS. Now he is lovely lil boy, most problems just blew over (stil doesn't sleep well though). They play together alot (and are naughty together). What is your baby like? Mine was v. placid which helped. J

Jackie - yes ds2 is very placid - such a completely different babay ti his brother, such an undemanding little thing, feel so guilty for leaving him under his gym constantly.
Papillon- i take him to mother and toddler group twice a week and try and get to park etc weather permitting and my mil has hin one day a week. i have not had any time when it's been just the two of us since ds2 birth, except for when ds2 is napping because i am bf the grandparents don't feel thry can take the baby just yet.
thanks for the reassurance though. i guess i just have to ride it out

I think he sounds like a normal 2 year old sadly. It doesn't last long. 22 years on just now, mine has just left for the gym and is lovely to have around and she hasn't kicked a door for years.
I think the main thing is to deal with you, try (impossible) to get more sleep and time off. Try to get a relative to have him or the baby a bit too. Just love him and smile. Over the years I have found how very much they just really reflect your mood.

i'm going/have gone thru this too. ds is now 3.5 months, and dd is 22 months. it seemed to be worst when ds was 6-12 weeks - i think dd just got fed up of ds. novelty had worn off. she wanted him sent back!

things have improved a lot now. ds still gets the occasional biff round the head / finger in the eyeball, but generally dd has settled into her role as big sis. things that seemed to help were letting ds sit on her knee a lot. loooaaads of praise for being a good big sis. lots of extra attention from dh esp when i'm feeding ds.

oh and i made up a pillow case with 'treats' for times when i could see she was getting bored and needed distraction. i roughly wrapped up loads of little things - funny shaped ballons (uninflated of course!!), 'party-bag' things like whistles and other cheap tat, mini-chocolate bars (desperate measures!)...it would keep her amused for a few minutes unwrapping the thing and a few more minutes playing with it.

Also threw myself into going out to lots of mum & toddler groups. gave her more time to let off steam rather than being stuck in the house with a boring tired and ratty mummy!