not using the toilet at 5!

[mamagrande]

Our daughter has never been great at using the toilet (it feels like she can't be
bothered, doesn't want to interrupt whatever she's doing) and I was hoping that starting
school would sort it out - but it hasn't, and once or twice a week she comes home with
pooey pants in a plastic bag. We've got the teacher and TA on board, and they're
getting her to go to the loo more often, but it's still happening. We tried a star
chart, and it worked for a few days, but only a few days. We're now bribing her with 4
5p pieces a day, which she gets to keep if her pants are dry at the end of the day, but
which she loses at the 'price' of one 5p for wees in her pants and two 5ps for poos.
But it's not working as she doesn't care if she loses some because it's such a novelty
to be getting any money at all. We're stopping this strategy from today....

She's happy at school and as big sister went there, she's very familiar with it. She's
also mucking up her pants at home too, and is clearly not that fussed by it.

It's getting very tedious and depressing - I know it's 'just a phase' and won't last
forever, but would be so happy to move on. Any tips?

oh dear, i do sympathise with your problem, although with my situation ds was just wetting himself all the time he was 4. After trying so many things. We used pocket money and it did work, but we came at it from a slightly different angle. We went out and bought him a money box. he chose it and we explained before hand what the rules would be. At the end of each day if he'd managed to stay dry he got some pocket money to put in his box. It was all centred on encourangement and we'd talk about it a lot. Ie how much mney he had saved so far, what he wanted to spend it on when he had enough. But on the days when he didn't keep dry i put him to bed saying "oh well, thats dissapointing today" or similar. Always calm and didn't get into a disscussion about it. i stopped telling him it was naughty or giving him any attention when he did wet. We focused firmly on praise for keeping dry, and what he'd get if he did. Rather than focusing on the wetting and taking something away if he did. If that makes sense. It worked for us anyway. Just something to try, i know how frustrating it is when they seem to not care. Good luck.

Thanks Tasha

yes it does make sense what you say - and after your message and talking it through (again!) with a friend, dh and I have decided to go down the 'play it cool' route - trying our hardest not to get angry or show our frustration. We may also reintroduce the money angle, the way you did it (rewarding rather than punishing). And I'm pleased to say that if she holds out for the next few hours, we will be celebrating the 2nd day in a row of dry pants! Thanks.