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please help. I'm so confused

4 replies

strawberryblondebint · 03/11/2015 07:23

Please bear with me as this is long!
I have a speech delayed 4 year old. When she was first noticed and referred for slt we were offered an appointment at a development clinic. We hummed and hawed over this as we had intervention when she was a late walker and by the time she was referred and seen she was walking. However we were told that appointments were difficult and just to accept. On her first visit to the clinic a lovely doctor reassured me. He didn't see any obvious signs of autism or aspergers and sent a follow up appointment. We had a rough ride whereby she had serious behaviour issues and tantrums but her language started to develop and she started nursery with no issues. We went back for a referral to the development clinic and the head of speech and language was there with the doctor. She was horrible. No effort made to engage with my child and she kept saying they couldn't progress without a report from nursery. One was duly requested and we have another appointment at the end of this month. Then just before the summer break nursery asked me to come in as they were worried that my daughter wasn't keen to do structured activities and was getting upset. She is also terrified of hand dryers however although very late to potty train is sorted now. They wanted to attend the next appointment at the clinic and I agreed to this. Last week they asked us to come in and see them again. Whilst they agreed my daughters speech is vastly improved now they still have concerns on her concentration and receptive language and suggested that she might be better placed in a different primary when she starts next year as they are not a resources school and she may need additional help.
We expressed concerns about this and tried to reiterate that her language and behaviour at home is amazing compared to a few months ago and if she continued at this rate there may be no need for this. They agreed to wait until after the development meeting at the clinic. The yesterday I receive. A letter saying there will me a multi agency meeting of transition planning to discuss my child. We as parents are not invited and it is an early intervention. It's now called a projection meeting. I now have no clue what is going on. I have a child who is mildly speech delayed and improving daily. Her behaviour is on the whole much better. She does have difficulty concentrating on a specific task and she does have rigid behaviours e.g very fussy about clothes and food. She is the most determined child I have ever met. I'm now at my wits end. I have no idea what all these agencies think she has and am angry that we weren't told at the nursery meeting about this projection meeting. I just want to cry and pull her out of the system but I can't. Please please help

OP posts:
nightsky010 · 03/11/2015 08:57

So sorry you're going through this. I can't really offer that much of use as my DS has Autism but I had a private diagnosis, and DS is also at a private school, therefore all of the procedures are different.

I understand that you feel she has improved a lot, but if the school don't really want her there then I'd say there's little point trying to force it - they are really saying that they either can't or don't want to give her the help she needs. Granted a lot can happen in a year though, and they may feel differently then. Can she be reassessed for school admission in a years time?

You said they initially said she has no signs of Autism, but to me it sounds as though they are now assessing her for Autism? The things you've described sound very typical for Autism.

How do you feel in general about the service from the doctor? If you're really unsatisfied, could you go private? Do you even want her to go to the current Primary, given their behaviour?

Best wishes.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 03/11/2015 09:07

Flowers it all sounds wrong to me. You definitely need to post this in

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs

That area. THey know ALL the legal stuff around things like this. You have the right to send your child to any school you want....her speech does not come into it.

strawberryblondebint · 03/11/2015 12:54

Thanks guys. Reposted. On the one hand I thing the current school should feck off if they don't want her but on the other hand I think what's actually best for her is to move into p1 with her friends and a familiar environment and I actually don't want any diagnosis at the age of 4. It's so upsetting

OP posts:
TheHouseOnTheLane · 04/11/2015 00:06

Yes I've read people saying similar re. not wanting to send their DC to a school that's unwilling to cater to them....it IS upsetting OP and very lonely.

Your DD is her own beautiful self....I totally understand not wanting to diagnose her at 4 but the only issue with NOT getting a diagnoses is that she could potentially miss out on support that could help her.

In any class of 30 kids, a significant minority will be recieving support for one thing or another. My DD2 had to go on an IEP (individual education plan) at the age of 5 due to her lack of progress in reading and writing.

It was just to make sure she had her own, tailored teaching...and she did need it....by the end of year 2 she was exactly where the national average wanted her to be....so it was worth it.

Is your DD now able to talk well enough to contribute to class discussions etc? How is she at making friends?

If you're in the catchment for the school I am pretty sure they cannot refuse her a place due to any needs she might have as that's discriminatory.

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