sleep problems for DD aged 8

[mountaingirl]

Sorry this is a long one....Has anyone got any ideas please that could help my dd. Since going back to school in september she has developed a real problem going/staying asleep. She is now getting very stressed. She has been having problems with various girlfriends (little girls really are horrid to each other), and I think feels rather abandoned by them. During the daytime she is a happy, lively, sporty little thing albeit very sensitive to various things that happen around her/to her and cries very easily. She finds having ds1 aged 12 and ds2 aged 6 rather tiresome, and ds1 thinks he is being "funny" by teasing and irritating her. She seems to be getting more irritated by them, and is much quicker to snap (bit like her Mother tbh!) We have done the getting into her bed, not getting in, being nice, being cross, asking questions, trying to sort out her day but just now at the mention of bed she has just said "I've got a tummy-ache", so I've given her a hot water bottle, given her some homeopathic syrup to help calm her and after a horrendous night last night where she slept intermittendly until 02.45 when she once again woke us up and we gave in and she slept with us. This can't go on though and I think I'll have to take to the GP. Any ideas please? My nieces and babysitter all said this happened to them.
I noticed today when all the kids from school were at the cinema not one of her 4 girlfriends called out to her when they saw here up in the stalls. I have already spoken last month to her teacher from last year to check out what is going on in the playground but feel I'll have to chat to her current teacher now. Things seemed to get a bit better after half term but it is all unravelling now.

hi mountaingirl. girls that age are horrid to each other arnt they? i really feel for your dd ive two dds (one 15 and one 18) so ive been there!! my elder one was very sensitive at that age and cried easily too. it seems that when girls go around in groups they always seem to outcast the most timid one!! is there another girl at school that you could perhaps invite for dinner one evening? your dd might feel more comfortable with one-to-one contact rather than a group? i think it may well be the situation at home with her ds's and the sleep thing might improve once she feels she has made a friend that she doesnt have to compete with iyswim?

Girls can be utterly horrible to each other, really nasty, seem to love making someone the outcast. But often it sounds more hurtful to the parents than it actually is to the child.

I haven't got any good ideas other than staying very calm yourself and not treating the friends business as an issue (unless of course your dd is telling you it is a problem).

Would story tapes help to relax her in bed? My dds talk to each other and I think that helps.

I think this all started when a friend who has lived in our little village moved down near dd's "best friend" during the summer and have both done an exceptional job of excluding dd. They are now in the prossess of being frindly then falling out all the time. Though I did notice today tha they were sitting next to each other. I did invite another girl to stay and once she went back to school she slagged dd off. Have told dd to get friendly with others which she does but I think she is suffering deep down from the change in her friendship with now ex best friend. Am debating have a chat with parents of ex

Dd1's been through all this painful changing friendships stuff. I've kept out of it - just chatted to dd and been supportive - even though I know one set of parents pretty well.

I would just be caerful what you say to parents as there is often very little they can do to influence these things at school. (Again, unless your dd is really upset).

i would really try not to talk to the parents of the other children tbh....even though it kills you not to!!...it will just cause more probs for your dd if the girl tells all at school! all girls do go through this and i bet soon enough one of them will be pally with your dd again and it will be one of the other girls 'turn' to go through it!! it really is part of growing up and learning about relationships ect tough as it might seem. i would support your dd through this....extra hugs, outings ect till things smooth out.

Thanks for your messages, it is now midnight our time and she still isn't asleep. I've been in bed with her but still she is awake. It's as bad as having a baby! I've put off chatting to all the girls parents precisely for the reasons you've mentioned, girls are fickle and it all just goes around in a circle. I think I will have to chat to her teacher though as she really won't be working effectively at school and when she is tired she just cries even more! She shares a room with ds2 and they chat and play and it's all calm before bedtime then her brain switches into overdrive and that is it for the evening. We had one little friend to stay a couple of weeks ago and the friend woke up at 3am! Fingers crossed she goes off to sleep now.

Another shocking night, eventually went into the spare room with her at 01h15, went to sleep but I woke st 5 and had to be up at 6 for ds1 to go to school. I have sent in a note to school to meet with her teacher hopefully tomorrow. Any other ideas regarding ways to get her off to sleep?

Story tapes, massage, aromatherapy - lavender, relaxation, meditation music. I don't know how you feel about this, but spiritual healing really worked for us.

It sounds as if her body is exhausted, but her mind is in turmoil - it is sad for a little girl to be so stressed. I have been through all this with my dd and i understand how you feel.

It is part of life - girls can be horrid to each other, but the above suggestions might help her to cope.

Ds was like this at 8, due to ex dp having new baby, and ds got v upset.

A friend who is a reflexologist suggested massaging his feet. I did it, and he loved it, seemed to calm him down before bedtime.

Thanks for the advice, yesterday I cleaned out all her room, washed her duvet etc, anything to get rid of all the negative energy. I also rang an osteopath but she isn't opening her practice until Wednesday, so will hopefully fit her in asap. I will do a massage and reflexolgy at the weekend, it has been a while since I last practiced! I'd be very interested in a healer though I don't know of anyone here in France, though the osteopathy here is very energy based and no bone clicking. She did sleep all night last night thank goodness. Thanks for your advice.

I don't know if it's any help, but I went through a stage like this myself at around the same age.

In the end, my parents put a mattress down on the floor of their room and I just used to creep in and lie on it if I couldn't get to sleep and wanted to be near them. I also had a 'walkman' and tapes by the bed.

My parents didn't make a big deal out of the situation and I think that helped me not to get too stressed by it. There's nothing worse than lying in bed thinking 'I've got to get to sleep, I've got to get to sleep'

You may well find that by doing something like this, and remaining attentive and caring during the day, she will grow out of it as I did.

Hope that helps.