Help - my ds7 is so unco-operative and argumentative - is this normal or am I doing something wrong?

[SaffyCat]

My previously angelic little boy has become a very stroppy 7 year old, who often refuses to co-operate with the most simple request and picks arguments and just seems to have a negative attitude a lot of the time. I try really hard to be patient and reason with him but his unreasonable behavour stretches us to the limit. We (my husband is ds' stepdad)also have a 20 month old daughter. I don't know if ds feels a little jealous of dh or dd, or if their is some other reason or if it's a 'normal' 7 year old thing. Does anyone else have similar experiences? or advice?

I would say its definately normal behaviour that may well be partly influenced by jealousy. Have you tried reward charts or something like that?

I have tried removing access to xbox etc in the heat of the moment but perhaps now (that I'm in a calmer state of mind, is the time to plan a more positive and rewarding way of dealing with 'His Royal Seveness'. Thank you.

I find with my two that the promise of a reward for good behaviour is usually more effective than the threat of punishment for bad behaviour. We use a token system at home that rewards good behaviour and can also fine for bad behaviour and that works best for us but I would suggest you start off trying a purely positive reward chart first and see if that works as it is supposed to be better for their self esteem.

Well my nearly seven year old pushes us a lot now so I think it is partly age. It's also a dreadful time of year - they're tired, often under the weather and in a frenzy of excitement about christmas.

positive reward chart is an excellent idea and choose your battles theres no point in losing our temper over small things, because then the big things seem to have the same response as the little things in the eye of his seveness.

I ask mine to do something two times, reinforcing this with the reward chart. if they don't do it by the thirs timem, I'll remove a sticker form teh reward chart and explain why i asked them to do something in the first place. (generally because mummy can't do everything!)

i can't really advise on the jealousy issue as mine are a lot closer in age. try to have some quiet time everyday with your DS while your other half does something with your 20 month old.?