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Four year old dd going on 14?

18 replies

puddle · 05/12/2006 16:25

My dd is really hard to deal with at the moment. She's just turned 4. I'm finding her exhausting quite a lot of the time.

She is, for want of a better word, a madam. She snaps and shouts, she pouts and frowns, she goes up the hiuff tree at least twice a day. She has a diploma in sulking. She talks to me a a stroppy way quite a lot of the time (I always pull her up on it - ie tell her I will listen when she can speak nicely) and her default setting seems to be confrontation.

When I do tell her off she often laughs or embarks on long convoluted explainations as to why she is in fact not in the wrong. She never wants to apologise and a shouted 'sorry' before she stomps off is as good as it gets.

She seems way too old for her years. She has an older brother and picks up ways of speaking from him and his friends - for example saying 'Oh. My. God'. She can be quite dismissive and will reject things by saying they are 'stupid'. She sometimes has an air of weary cynicism that makes me think of a child over twice her age.

She is pretty bright - she's already reading some words and doing some writing. I am not trying to push her but she enjoys it.

Have I just got a September born girl who could do with being at school? Or is this what girls are like (my ds was nothing like this at this age).

Sorry this is so long - not sure what I want this post to achieve really. Am just feeling worn out by her today (and today is a day when we have a lot of time on our own together so in theory it should be a Good Day)

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nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:30

my dd1 who is 4 is the same

folds her arms and rolls her eyes "god sake mummy" and

i just take her aside and tell her i wont take that attitude from her, she is not to talk to me like that, it is rude and bad manners, etc

she seems to know it is wrong and naughty, and i dont like it, she says sorry

i think its just another boundary test tbh

itll be something else next month

try not to rise to it, try not to lose your temper or shout. get down to her level and look her in the eye and tell her you are sad she talks to you in this way.

i never thought i would have to deal with attitude for another ten years either!

tissy · 05/12/2006 16:32

I've got one of those....

"XXXX please come here so I can clean your teeth"

"I'm just drawing a smiley face on the window"

"XXXX please come here so I can clean your teeth"

"I'M JUST DRAWING A SMILEY FACE ON THE WINDOW"

"Please come here now"

"When I've finished my smiley face"

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5. OK, go and sit on the naughty step"

(Stamping of obediently, if a little noisily)" but it's boring on the naughty step"

"you can come back when you've finished screaming"

"I need a tissue for my eyes...."

it goes on and on.... you have my sympathies, and I will await someone elses wise words!

nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:34

lol yes

me "dd1 you need to brush your teeth its time for school, please"

dd1 "yes i know that mummy, god sake i dont need told"

me

dd2

puddle · 05/12/2006 16:34

NP I have been doing that for ages. I don't seem to be making any progress.

Am v hot on good manners but feel that either she's just not getting it at all or she doesn't care.

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puddle · 05/12/2006 16:36

LOL NP and Tissy.

Blimey! Is it just a girl thing then?

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nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:36

oh puddle

i dont think there is much you can do

unless someone has a secret formula for asking nicely

i hope so

nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:39

dd1 at this present time is playing stickle bricks with dd2 beside me

dd1 "god sake dd2, you cannot put that on there its upside down"

dd2 then laughed at dd1, she looked so daft with ehr hands on hips

dd1 "make up your mind for god sake"

ihave realised i must say "god sake" quite a lot

franke · 05/12/2006 16:42

Puddle - snap! I also have a September born 4yo. Ooh, the sulking and the stropping - drives me insane. I think NP is right, it is a boundary-pushing thing. I think it's also about starting to come to terms with complex feelings. Sometimes dd goes into a strop over nothing and when I ask her what the problem is, she just says "I don't know" and bursts into tears . Sometimes they just need a cuddle I suppose.

franke · 05/12/2006 16:44

(But other times they just need to be told "Drop the attitude!")

puddle · 05/12/2006 16:46

You're all kind of making me feel better.

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nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:48

YES!

my dd1 gets in a state and she doesnt even know whats wrong. she gets very wound up, and sometimes cries and says "i dont know" when i ask whats wrong. i ask her why she is being so rude to me or dd2 and she says she doesnt know

nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:49

puddle, i know what youre thinking, it doesnt mean you have a particularly naughty dd and it doenst mean you are doing anything wrong

franke · 05/12/2006 16:50

I actually find it quite heart-rending, Puddle. I remember feeling like that when I was little. I just felt so confused sometimes. But I am gradually learning to see the difference between this and just pure, bad-tempered stropsville.

franke · 05/12/2006 16:50

I mean np

nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:52

do you see that fist-shaking, face-wretching expression i see in dd1 sometimes...?

its pure frustration over something she doesnt even know or understand

puddle · 05/12/2006 16:57

It's not that I feel I am doing things wrong NP it's that I feel sometimes I don't understand her at all. My ds has always been very easy to read but my dd is a much more complex character.

It's more the feeling that I have run out of ways to deal with her.

Franke - I do relate to what you are saying. I think also that because she seems a lot older a lot of the time I don't baby her enough or expect more of her than I should IYKWIM.

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nailpolish · 05/12/2006 16:59

i think boys are easier

talking to my mum who had one of each she says my brother was so much easier than me

sorry i cant help, but you know youre not alone

puddle · 05/12/2006 17:14

Yes, I think boys are easier (although mine is only 6 so plenty of time yet to eat my words on that one)

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