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Behaviour/development

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Think I need help - 9 mo

14 replies

DrMum83 · 21/10/2015 19:07

Don't know where to start. Not sure if I'm the one with a problem or my 9 mo DD.
Had rubbish few years - dM dying, various other stresses. Finally got my PFB in January.
I am so concerned about her development it is stopping me enjoying her and is all consuming. I've got insight,, I know I am obsessional, comparing with NCT babies, constantly googling but I don't know what else to do to feel better. I'm thinking I might need a bit of help from GP as wondering if anxiety is partly down to PND. Anyhow, if anyone can help, I'd appreciate it. I realize me posting is feeding my anxiety but I can't help it. If you can be bothered to get to the end, I'd much appreciate any advice about my DD.

So
Sleep - ok, breastfed, wakes 1-2x
Fine motor - good, immature pincer, grasps at toys, mouths them, flaps hands and twirls feet ALOT, mainly when anxious, happy, wants something

Gross- not pulling to stand, not crawling but drags herself across the floor, sitting well since 6 months, bears weight on legs

Social- babbling, squealing, eye contact- will make contact, not prolonged, not always consistent with those she doesn't know well, seems would rather look at anything else- e.g brightly coloureddistraction in background. Other times, though, eye contact is longer, esp if no other distractions e.g darkened room just before bedtime. Sometimes, she does seem to look at me when I'm not necessarily looking at her, (as though trying to make contact), we have just started to notice an exchange of sounds, she squeals, I squeal, she squeals and she finds this funny. She doesn't always respond to a smile with a smile. When in the right mood, she explores my face. More of an observer in groups, would be described as shy by others. Possibly waves, although I'm not 100%, doesn't clap or imitate really, although I was reading a touch and feel book and she leaned over to touch the bits I was touching. Wouldn't stick tongue out if I did though. Drinks from beaker without being shown. Displays object permanence. Laughs at peek a boo but wouldn't pull blanket over self to play. Loves being 'chased'. Most of the time, pulls her hand away if I try to hold it, except during games and when using me as balance when standing. Grins at a mechanical goose which sings nursery rhymes. Is shy in groups, was wriggling over to me this afternoon at NCT when all the babies were on the mat, wanting to be close to me.

My main concern are the flapping and eye contact as possible early indicators of ASD. There is no family history.

I guess I'm after reassurance really, I think I also need to address my own anxiety soon
Thanks

OP posts:
DrMum83 · 21/10/2015 20:33

Forgot to say - puts her arms out to be picked up (has done for 2-3 months) and knows words such as 'no' and 'dummy' - (not speaking, comprehending).

OP posts:
eurochick · 21/10/2015 20:43

She sounds absolutely fine. I can't see a single thing of concern in your post. Look after yourself.

Liara · 21/10/2015 20:47

You definitely need to get help for your anxiety issues, and stop analysing your dd - she will start being old enough to be influenced by it soon and you will start to do damage to her.

NickyEds · 21/10/2015 20:48

IMHO it's much too early to be worrying about ASD. Even if it weren't I can't see anything at all to worry about in your post regarding your baby. I think you might want to get some help for yourself op, you sound very anxious Flowers

LaceyLee · 21/10/2015 20:48

That sounds fine to me, similar to how my dd was at 9 months. Surely 9 months is way to early to diagnose asd? Good idea to address the anxiety/pnd issue. I'm sure you will come to realize that all is well with your dd when you feel better, and you can enjoy her even more.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/10/2015 20:51

Your DD sounds beautiful and perfect.

Get yourself some help, OP, so you can see that and enjoy it too.

Flowers
Iwantakitchen · 21/10/2015 20:51

Hi, I am a childminder and can say that she sounds absolutely fine And lovely. The hand flapping at that age is unlikely to mean anything. If it helps, keep a diary of her development - key milestones etc. The exchange of sounds is excellent for speech development that is how babies start developing their understanding of conversations - my turn your turn. Keep on doing that and imitating the sounds she makes. Also allow jer to explore foods with her hands it will help her fine motor skills. Pulling a blanket over her face comes, in my experience, between 10 months and 12 months, but it's different for all children some will never do it. Also. Sing her lots of nursery rhymes it's a good way to sustain eye contact if you sit her on your lap facing you.

Try to stop comparing but this is easier said than done my children are 8 and 9 and I still compare...

NerrSnerr · 21/10/2015 20:55

That sounds like my little girl who is 14 months when she was a similar age. She is still shy when I'm around (we went to a group this morning and spent the whole half an hour clinging on to me with one hand and iggle piggle in the other) but she is fine (and really sociable at nursery). She will do everything in her own time. I would get help for your anxiety so you're able to enjoy this time.

Iwantakitchen · 21/10/2015 21:01

Fwiw, I look after siblings and one sister is shy and clingy and the younger sister is smiling to every stranger we meet. It's part of their personality please don't think that it's because of something you do or don't don't do. Every child is different.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 21/10/2015 21:05

She sounds great.
You're right, you need to get some help with your anxiety. I couldn't tell you what my DD was doing at 9 months, and wouldn't have been able to tell you in the same detail you have in your post when she was actually 9 months old!

DrMum83 · 21/10/2015 21:22

Thanks everyone. I'm gonna call my GP for help with anxiety management I think.
Sorry that I'm reaching out.
Do you think hand flapping and aversion to hand holding is something that can be expected at this age?

OP posts:
tinymeteor · 21/10/2015 22:03

Not wanting to hold hands sounds totally normal to me. She is just getting mobile and will want to explore things for herself. At that age they don't know that hand holding can be affectionate, or that it may be about keeping them safe - it probably seems more like restraint. My 18mo still doesn't like to hold hands when walking as she is determined to do everything herself. It's just her personality and individuality emerging.

Good luck with your GP, and well done for reaching out.

DrMum83 · 22/10/2015 10:10

Thanks again everyone, really appreciate the feedback and kind words.

OP posts:
WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 22/10/2015 10:21

Not sure my 23 month old has ever willingly held my hand!

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