18 months, mealtime nightmare

[Rinceoir]

My almost 18 month old DD never showed any interest in food, threw more food than she ate. I've generally been fairly zen about it on the outside at least. Now it's getting even worse. She has learned how to open the harness in her highchair, and tries to stand up. As a result I've tried letting her sit at the table with us (on a booster cushion) but she just gets up and down non stop and tries to climb on me/the table. Whinges constantly and eats next to nothing. Has a few bites sometimes but just loses interest rapidly. Her comprehension seems pretty good, but her speech is pretty poor so she can't tell me what she would like to eat.

Now everything I read says just to remove the food if not eating but I've been doing this since the beginning and she really doesn't care if she eats nothing. She's dropped from the 75th to below the 25th centile so just letting her not eat isn't an option really. She doesn't do much better if I let her graze in her play area. She won't drink milk from any source but a breast so can't get extra calories in that way either. I've asked to see a paediatrician/paediatric dietician but given that I'm offering her health high calorie food regularly I don't know how helpful they will be.

Does anyone have any tips to 1. Manage the awful mealtime behaviour without putting her off her food even further 2. Encourage her to eat! I really regret BLW, it seems like such a good idea but I wonder if I had spoon fed her purees would we be in this awful situation.

I'm not sure the method of feeding would have made much difference, sounds likes she is way more interested in what's going on than eating, although you could perhaps try some of the pouch stuff if she might work better with that, it might seems more interesting than sitting with a plateful also you could teach her some basic signs that might help with the communication, (my son had a speech delay so signs were really helpful for the basics). You could devise your own for basic food stuff. Sorry I can't be more helpful, fingers crossed someone can give you some more ideas.

I had tried pouches but she wouldn't touch them. She won't take any dairy. I feel like I've tried everything at this point and nothing makes a difference. She's full of beans so if it wasn't for the weight I wouldn't be concerned at all.

My DD was difficult about milk too but absolutely loves cocoa. Half a teaspoon of drinking chocolate in a beaker of full fat milk (Arla Big Milk has extra A, D and iron too) twice a day might mean she's having a tiny bit of sugar but she's getting something nutritious and calorific too.

I've just posted a thread about my 3 year old refusing meals so totally understand your frustration....
Is there anything in particular your lo enjoys? Fruits? Cereals?

With my (milk allergy, bf
& bottle refuser!) 14 month I 'hide' secret fruits often in a soya yoghurt which he enjoys, or I mix a pouch of stage one Ella's kitchen in a yoghurt so he's getting more fruit & veg.
I dread most mealtimes as between my two there is always a drama so totally feel your pain. I'm going to be so upset if I end up with two fussy kids! Good luck

Thanks ByTheNine I'll definitely give that a try. Unexpected that's the thing, there's nothing she loves, no meal that I know she will eat. Occasionally she will surprise me and eat a full plate of something but she will then turn around and refuse it the next time. It's almost like food is just an annoyance, she will take just enough that she's not starving but that's it. Like today so far she's had about a quarter slice of eggy bread, a quarter of a banana and a few raisins. That's a really really good morning! I've just dropped her to nursery where she will hopefully eat some lunch.

Not much advice really, just a bit of solidarity because mine is similar at times (also small, and the same age). Just not very interested in food. A month ago there were a couple of weeks where her behaviour was almost exactly what you describe. But she does have a few favourites and loves fruit and milk. What is yours like when other people feed her? Mine eats "everything" at nursery and is much better with her dad when I'm not there - frustrating as it is, that reassures me a bit! It's worth getting her checked out by the doctor for reassurance I guess, but I'm pretty sure there isn't much you can do but wait it out till she gets hungry/interested. I'm hoping that one day mine just gets ravenous and grows a few inches overnight! I know how stressful it is, hang in there.

Thanks for the solidarity Loops, it's so frustrating! She seems to do better overall at nursery, she will eat at least some of every meal, although still wants to wander off. They say she doesn't eat an unusually small amount although less than most of the other toddlers. There are 5 of them in her room born within a week of each other and she is the smallest of them all. I do think at home there is an element of holding out for breastmilk- I swing between thinking I need to stop immediately to convince her to eat and being terrified to stop in case she gets even less calories! She never allowed anyone to feed her, insists on doing it herself. (Or not as is more often the case).

She is tiny generally also, narrow shoulders, feet only size 3d now do I'm hoping she was just on the 75th centile for so long because of my massive oversupply issues (leaked non stop til around 9months, could easily express 10+oz the occasional time I did it). It's hard not to worry though.

My neary 4 year old was like this! Its the most frustrating and worrying thing ever! We were advised to eat with them.. Always make sure your sat down and eating when u want her to. Overly enjoy ur food show her lots of smiles and yums and Offer her food from your plate..my son was happier feeling like he'd had something of mine. If she plays with her food or rejects it dont give her any attention for it just say 'ok all gone now' and tidy it away. I kno you'll feel like shes starving but any battle with food will only make it more of a chore to her. My son eats a much more varied diet now and eat a good breakfast and tea. Tho he still picks other than that. I found smoothies were great for getting vitamins down him. Sweet ones with yoghurt and bananas but also the odd carrott or spinach thrown in. Again i would pretend it was mine drink it but let him sip away at it. Try not to worry too much about the percentile charts too, she may just be finding where she should sit on them. Some babies are born big and drop down b4 steadily staying somewhere.

Also reading our last few messages it's a great thing shes eating with children at nursery.. Children learn and copy soo much from their peers..she'll learn to eat from them.i never put my son in for lunches as he would point blank refuse to eat at lunchtime. So j begrudged paying for them.He still doesnt eat lunch! Hes just not hungry through the day. Breakfast keeps him going until teatime. He'll then have a light supper after tea but thats it. All children are different it sounds like she just likes to graze and thats fine. Alot of adults do the same. Maybe keep a diary of exactly what shes having over a fortnight and focus on that rather than her daily intake. If shes developmentally on track shes probably getting enough. X

Thanks Kelly, I know it doesn't sound like it but we really don't battle, outwardly we remain calm! Developmentally we aren't concerned- her speech is low end of normal (about 15 or so words, not very clear but consistent), and at the higher end of normal motor skills- runs properly, can jump, do simple jigsaws (2 pieces) and build very tall towers/simple duplo pieces. Still has milk overnight so that probably needs to stop as a priority

Pretty sure mine is the smallest in her nursery room too, also with size 3 feet. Some people are just small. Keep breastfeeding for as long as you both want to, it's so good for her and you know she's getting the nutrients she needs. Have you read the book "My child won't eat" by someone Gonzales? I found it very reassuring.

Thanks Loops, I have read it. Again it's the dropping centiles which has me worried, more than anything. But the inability to sit down and have a family meal is also wearing. This evening we all sat down to dinner. She as usual had 2 bites, climbed off her chair, back up again, on the table, then whinged when put down. Crying to sit on my lap, wanting to get down again, ad infinitum...

Its so draining isnt it! That was my son all over! I still cant feel completely comfortable taking him to eat out. If there's not something he really likes on the menu its a massive chore trying to get him to sit still! Which makes the meal draining for everyone! He is getting better tho! And has improved loads over this last year x