Difficult child actually dyspraxic

[jude3184]

I have an 11 year old daughter that has always been difficult. It's gotten worse as she's got older.

She hears something and twists it and relays it to someone else completely differently and has at times got me into trouble for getting things wrong. She's stolen and been caught for it, she's cheeky, she doesn't do as she's asked without displaying a huge fuss about it, she often had accidents and wet her underwear and I just thought thought she hadn't got to the toilet on time. I just thought she was manipulative and in ashamed to say I just put it down to her being a difficult child!!

Well today I have had a phonecall from the school and they have told me that after a test last week she is dyslexic and dyspraxic. I've been reading some symptoms this morning and I feel like the worst mother in the world for not knowing about this sooner. I feel awful for blaming her for being naughty when in actual fact it seem that there's a reason she's been the way she's been. It's because her mind can't process what's being asked of her etc. Her reading and writing skills are fantastic but they told me that it shows itself in lots of different ways.

Has anyone else got any experiences with dyspraxia? The more I've read the worse I feel for not knowing when I'm her mum.

Hi Jude,

my DS is 11 in a few days, he was diagnosed with Dyspraxia and Aspergers earlier this year. You are not the worst mother, it is easy with hindsight to see the issues now. Contact the school they should have some advise for you on this, you can only go forward with this now and help her over time.

it is a relief when you know what the issues are and you can understand a little more of how our kids view life around them.

Hi, my two are dyspraxic also. Known it since Reception year but only got the formal diagnosis done recently.

Don't beat yourself up about it, your parenting should be pretty much the same with or without the dyspraxia. Obviously for tasks you need to list the steps separately rather than giving instructions all in one go. Buttons, laces, bike riding all different too. But, stealing isn't anything to do with the disability. Some behaviour can be put down to frustration, but don't excuse anything because well hey she is disabled. Just don't. I've found symptoms have become very exaggerated with adolescence. It's great to be aware of the existence of dyspraxia but it's not a get out of jail card iyswim?

This group is a fantastic resource and the people on there are so patient with every and any question: www.facebook.com/groups/dyspraxia/?fref=ts

Oh I definitely know that stealing wasn't part of it. She was just mixed up with a girl for a while that was trouble and she felt pressured to please her for the girl to like her. But i know she should have known better. She genuinely didn't think she had really done anything wrong though. She just acted is if she was unphased by any of it. The actual stealing and the consequences.

How did you go about getting your official diagnoses if you don't mind me asking?

This has been a long time coming around but now I have answers to so many unanswered questions I've had over the years x

Doc referred to paediatrician and they referred to OT. My two also got a diagnosis of hypermobility which did surprise me and explained a lot.

Don't beat yourself up. DD1 diagnosed age 15 in the middle of year 11.

She hears something and twists it and relays it to someone else completely differently DD can completely miss the point of conversations. She hears a word and builds understanding around that, not noticing that other info doesn't fit. This in particular I think makes friendships hard too.

she doesn't do as she's asked without displaying a huge fuss about it This could be avoidance tactics because she can't understand / do / remember what is wanted. Make sure instructions are simple, get her to repeat them back. Even basic things 'tidy your room', better to say 'put your clothes in the drawer, then books on the bookshelf'.

Having understanding makes life easier, but will still be frustrating for both of you at times.

Me and DD are dyspraxia. DD also has dyslexia and ASD. I also have epilepsy.
Life is hard and sometimes scary because we don't understand the rules that everyone else automatically knows. If you're on FB are some really good groups. DD if she's having a difficult time with something asks me to type it into the group so we can get either suggestions or she knows she's not alone with it.