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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DD and 'showing bottom'

13 replies

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 10:07

A little worried and admit have named changed just in case identifiable.

Dd is now 5 and in year 1. She has moved schools to a really small setting. Seems really happy.

In previous school in reception after just turning 4 she came home one day and told us a boy in her class had been showing them his willy and bottom and he was touching them.

I spoke to the teacher and she said 'oh it's not happening again is it' so I think this could have been something that other DC were seeing also.

She since seems to be a bit obsessed with touching her bits in the bath etc. says it 'feels nice' I certainly don't want to make her feel embarrassed, but I've told her that what her pants cover is private and she says she 'touches in bed sometimes, as it feels nice'.

Yesterday she came home from school and said she wanted to whisper something.... and I'm not to be cross. She told me 'Sam showed me his willy in the playground and I showed him mine in the toilets' I asked a few gentle questions and her story seemed to change a little. She then said it was her that had asked him first to show.

I had a chat with her about it all but can you help as what to do next?

Dp and I are both thinking we should phone and ask to have a little meeting with teacher to put her in the picture as to what dd has said.

Does anyone have daughters? is all this kind of thing normal at this age?

Thanks for reading this huge post and any help appreciated.

Thanks

OP posts:

Original poster

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 10:11

I've obviously changed names in thread just to illustrate.

Thanks

OP posts:

Twitterqueen · 14/10/2015 10:12

I believe this is perfectly normal, natural and commonplace. I can remember doing the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" thing at about that age - it was entirely innocent.

I really, really wouldn't talk to the teacher at all.

Original poster

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 10:23

Thanks Twitter I guess I'm over thinking a little maybe.

I was just worried Incase the little boy has told his parents and I'd just rather be open about it.

Being ancient first time parents we were trying to think when this stuff happens.

OP posts:

hellBellsJingleBalls · 14/10/2015 10:27

Does she know the pants rule?

hellBellsJingleBalls · 14/10/2015 10:28

Sorry here's a link.

Original poster

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 10:33

Thanks Hells yes we went through the 'pants' again last night.

Just mortified that it might actually be dd who instigated the 'show me yours' bit first.

Thanks for link I've saved it for quick reference.

OP posts:

Sigma33 · 14/10/2015 10:42

I would tell the teacher, as it is a safeguarding/supervision issue. But from the point of view of supervising more closely, and that you understand it can be part of normal development.

Then they can keep an eye on the situation, and also make sure children are protected from hysterical accusations...

Original poster

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 12:09

Yes I certainly see it as more of a supervision thing to just keep an eye out for now I've calmed down a little.

You all seem to think it's relatively normal within that age group.

Many thanks for your help

OP posts:

ThisFenceIsComfy · 14/10/2015 12:16

I think at this age showing off bums and willies is pretty normal. They find it hilarious. I have had the chat with my DS that no one at school wants to see his bum so don't get it out. However I wouldn't be overly concerned about it. Maybe a quick word to the teacher to see if she could say to the class about keeping pants on at school in front of others or something.

Original poster

Thanksinadvance01 · 14/10/2015 12:20

Thanks this fence that's reassuring....

It's her first term at her new school ....tiny class and I don't want her to get known as the girl who flashes her bits

OP posts:

hellBellsJingleBalls · 14/10/2015 12:29

Yes I think it's normal too. I must have been about that age when a neighbour of the same age showed me his and asked to see mine. I also remember a girl getting her bits out at a party in front of everyone around that age!

Tillytoes14 · 15/10/2015 12:50

My son has shown his bits at school before, the girl in his class instigated it, she showed him her bits and he showed her his. They were seen by someone, who told his teacher and both me and the other parent was told we had to speak to the head teacher after school, it was really over the top to be honest, yes I agree it's private and children need to learn this, but a simple chat with the children would have been better. My son has never done it since. In my opinion it's perfectly normal.

Lizsmum · 15/10/2015 14:11

As a headteacher I used to ask the 'showing' child if there was something special about their bottom that we all needed to see. Then, as they looked at me in horror, I would ask if they'd like to show us all in assembly pointing out that we'd have to ask mum/dad first. They never took me up on the offer and there was never a recurrence.

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