4-year-old, school, melt downs. AAAAAGH.

[smellsofsick]

Poor old DD is having mega meltdowns and quite frankly I am at my wit's end. She started school in September and while I know in theory that it is probably just tiredness, I've run out of ways of dealing with them.
She has plenty of sleep, gets a snack out of school and has a predictable routine.
I feel so guilty for feeling so resentful towards her but sometimes these tantrums leave me physically and emotionally drained. We've tried ignoring, cuddling, distracting, threatening, you name it. Anything, any advice would be so welcomed!

Bumping

Hi just wanted to post in solidarity as I posted about my DS starting school today also - it's really nervewracking isn't it? I don't have anything useful to contribute just wanted to wave and maybe suggest a couple of things...

Is it worth bringing this up with her teacher? Maybe there is something specific she is struggling with or her teacher could help you in some way, by talking to her about how she is feeling or something?

I don't have daughters but I always find my DSs are more difficult if they haven't had a chance to burn off the energy, maybe going for a play or walk after school would help?

Have you also tried TV? If she's really tired perhaps she just needs to veg out?

Finally, when my DS is particularly being horrible to his younger sib or has just been rotten to me that day I just make sure I always tell him how proud I am of him, how well he's coping and how much I love him at bedtime before I turn out the lights, even if it's through gritted teeth. It seems to sink in then better than in the heat of the moment and has helped us through a few difficult days when he first started.

It's just so wearing. Me and DH are totally worn down by it and trying our best to stop thinking how much easier our younger DD is (at the moment).
Good idea to talk to her teacher, I'll do that. I know it will pass but it's the stroppiness and rudeness that we hate. I've just drawn a behaviour chart. Hoping out and out bribery will help.
You're right about the park after school, that helped this afternoon.

We are in the same boat here. Ds is 4.4 and a very energetic active child. He is used to a lot more running about. Added in that ds2 was born in late June, so there has been a lot of change lately. We have had major tantrums, hitting, cheekiness and accidents after school since term began. Definately has some physical energy to burn in context of mental exhaustion. I spoke to the health visitor and she was actually very helpful, suggesting a stricter routine aftr school for the time being including earlier bedtime, decent snack coming in and avoiding anything other after school activities for the time being. I am now giving more food on arrival ( was just biscuit or fruit), we play, then do homework, then watch tv whilst i do dinner, bath then stories and bed by 7.30 at latest. The accidents continue but health visitor was helpful there too - we are doing a reward system with marbles leading to bits of lego. I did speak to his class teacher who said she hears this every autumn term and not to worry - his behaviour is impeccable at school. I found thwt quite reassuring.
Hoping for the best for you and here too!

Thanks. Reassuring to hear. Thinking that a run around after school is definitely a keeper. Then a bit of down time with the telly. Really hope your reward system goes well. I'll try anything!

We totally failed on these with Dd1 but tried a new tack with dd2. Bit younger than yours but mega successful long term.

We would just say go and get your teddy and lie down on the sofa (or in her safe place) and when you are feeling better/calmer come back and join in.

She could see /hear us through the door so she didn't worry or feel punished. We didn't have to get cross and she learnt to self calm increasingly quickly.

That's interesting. She's a bit of a door slammer but might like 'permission' to be on her own with her teddy.
I think starting school is an incredible change for them and exhausting to be on your best behaviour all day.
I'm just hoping that this doesn't last her entire reception year.