4 year old newly started school and OBSESSED with school work

[Swimminguphill]

I just need some reassurance I think - my son has just started school and he can spend 3-4 hours when at home on school days and all day if you let him on the weekends writing his letters, doing maths, trying to read words and write messages. It feels a bit extreme to me. I have to almost force him to do something else, he doesn't even want to watch TV!! He rushes home on Fridays from school to do his homework (that is when the phonics get sent home) and gets really agitated and upset if I don't let him do it right away. I sometimes feel like his brain is overheating a bit.

He does find it quite tricky being in a large class (30 kids in class, 90 in reception playground) and struggles to remember children's names even though he has been going for over a month. I know he prefers quiet small group settings, and I wonder whether this 'obsession' is part of his coping mechanism?

He always liked drawing and that was his preferred activity (but not so extreme) before starting school, this preference has been developing since he left nursery. He didn't want to stop school nursery, was really attached to the teachers and the environment was very spacious and less stressful for him. In the nursery they always emphasised that even though he was a quieter boy he got on well with everyone and was popular with lots of different children. He never had a 'best' friend but I wasn't worried about that.

I am a bit ambivalent about children starting to read and write in reception and I feel as though even though on the surface he is coping really well and doing everything you would want a school age child to do, underneath it's not healthy. I would prefer him to still be doing more imaginative drawing, making friends and being a carefree child. It bothers me to see him pushing himself so far and so fast.

Both myself and my husband are very academic types, quite driven people and he has seen lots of study happening in our house. I wonder if he's modelling this behaviour. What can I do to mitigate it? It's hard to tear a child away from such 'good' activities as drawing, and of course he is quiet and well behaved when he is doing them and I have a younger child so I can tend to leave him to it, especially because he gets quite agitated if I make him do a different activity.

Any similar experiences and suggestions would be very gratefully received.

On the surface, it doesn't seem bad but the amount of time would bother me. My eleven year old is doing this and it seems to be anxiety related in that she is worried about not doing very well. It seems very young, however, to have this anxiety yet....I would redirect him. Even if it's another educational activity such as playing an educational game.

It depends on if he's doing it because he enjoys it and thinks it is fun or if he's worried that he is behind everyone else. I used to spend every chance I got doing maths puzzles because I really enjoyed them!

Could you start an activity outside the house (even going for a walk or something) or start a play date with a child his age (he might enjoy spending time in a smaller group) so he has to think about something else? It might be worth having a chat to his teacher and see if how he's managing stopping work for playtimes.

It is possible that all this will calm down once the newness and excitement of starting school has worn off.

He definitely enjoys it - I think he uses it to work through his feelings about being at school etc. But it is a bit OTT. He is also very competitive but not in an aggressive social way, more that he wants to know all about things and be able to tell others the right way, he wants to understand things etc - he has a thirst for knowledge definitely. But before he started with the literacy he used to use drawings and play to explore these things, now he is just choosing one thing.

I think playdates would be good, because he does need to work on his social skills a bit and also just muck around with other kids more. His younger sibling is more of an irritant than handy playmate and he uses his writing activities etc to exclude the younger one sort of...

It's weird because I feel uncomfortable talking to other mums in the school about it, like it's a stealth boast, rather than a new challenge, that I as a mum need to find out a way to respond appropriately to. I did mention it to the class teacher and she has said that they have already started moving him into other activities because he would just choose to stay all day in the 'creative corner' if he could.

I do try and make him play outside as much as possible, but I am not with him all the time (working p/t) and I also feel like he is probably tired on Thurs/Fri afternoons when I have him so I take him home to rest and relax and he just picks up his pen...

In Reception my daughter used to come home and play school. She'd make registers, pretend she was the teacher (and pupil) and practice numbers/phonics. She'd happily play for 2-3 hours a day and was so happy when I bought her a notebook that was the same colour as the register at school. The notebook has about 100 pages and every page has a register. I saw it as her way of processing school.

Is your son enjoying himself? That would be the key thing for me.

Dd1 used to be like that. She loved working with letters and numbers, At 14yo she does a normal humph to any suggestion of homework. She did and still does love learning though.

Dd2 had the competitive side on that. She likes to be at the top but on her terms.

ds only does what interests him without protest and 30 minutes of homework starts with the 2 hour strop first.

They all achieve approximately the same, although dd1 tends to slightly do better in subjects that need a little bit of effort.

If he enjoys it, let him do it.

Our DS also used to have a notebook 'register' and after school Mum and I had to answer our names, and he you pretend to mark us 'in'.

As long as he is eating and sleeping normally, and seems happy I think it is probably OK.

How is he coping with Phonics and reading? For Number work it is useful to be able to relate numbers TO something - so, have a party for teddies and dolls, how many biscuits, drinks are needed? Include parents/siblings - now how many needed?

Perhaps extend his 'learning' with computer coding, or learning a musical instrument - I always favour Keyboard to start with.

Should he seem anxious or stressed, then maybe think again, but if everything else is 'normal' I don't think he will come to any harm.

Thanks for your comments and really helpful advice - my main take out is to chill out! I will attempt this - just getting to grips with DS being at school myself I guess. He is pretty adept with numbers and I had wondered about a musical instrument, because he likes concentrating on that kind of thing and would enjoy it, but then I feel like he is still so little, I don't want to be pushy and all "Tarquin was reciting the Iliad at 5 and playing Beethoven at 6 etc".

We were going to download scratch though because he likes that kind of logical thinking and while I don't like him having too much screen time as a rule, I would be happier if he was actively working on it rather than just 'consuming' tech. Actually that's my area of work so I am super keen on my kids getting underneath tech...

I love these little register takers - so incredibly cute! It kind of makes my heart ache seeing such little ones following these behaviours, but that is much more my hang up than theirs, obviously. His teacher asked if he was sleeping and he is, so I will just watch out for those signs of stress and take action then.

Thanks everyone who took the time to respond! Feeling much reassured