DS4 doesn't listen.

[MrEBear]

DS4 is still in preschool, 3 full days. Barely a day goes by without him getting into trouble for not listening, often it's during circle time, and him getting a time out. How much should I focus on it when I get him at the end of the day?
There is a bit of me thinks I should try ignoring it and focus on the times he was listening. I'm also starting to wonder if his teacher just doesn't like him.

When you say he's not listening, what is he doing? Calling out, talking to his friends, ignoring instructions?

Is he being disobedient (as in touching something he's been told not to touch)?

Time out doesn't seem like an appropriate punishment for not listening, which is why I'm trying to clarify what is going on.

Is he hearing?

My DS2 is a terrible listener, but he suffers from recurring glue ear and he really can't hear very well a lot of the time. I'd find him really frustrating for not listening if I didn't know this. His experience at school (he's in reception), has also been transformed since I talked to his teacher about making sure he's listening, getting his attention before speaking to him (or the group), and rewarding him for good listening.

Lots of the time he's trying to engage other kids in chat
or he is interrupting, other times he has selective hearing and ignores whoever is talking.

Yes when I think about it, being put out of circle time hardly seems appropriate for not listening.. He only has this year to go or I'd consider changing nursery / preschool.

Right well the first thing I'd do is get his hearing checked - just to be sure he can hear.

If he can, then what you are dealing with seems to be a pretty typical case of social immaturity. It does need working on, as sitting nicely and listening well are pretty important skills at school but I don't think that time out is useful or working. Ask them to try some other strategies - get him to sit at the front, or by the teacher, or at the edge of the group (less distraction)- they may need to experiment to see what works. Plenty of positive reinforcement and praise for good listening - at our pre school the children got a smiley face stamp on the hand. Or maybe he could have a special job to help the teacher and keep him engaged.

Bottom line is what they are doing now isn't working so they need to do something different. You can support this by practising good listening and not interrupting at home, which may or may not help (different environment) - but get his hearing checked first.

Thankyou you are so right. I will suggest a change of tack from them.
And there is no point in me banging on to him about it. It just depresses us both.

I also think that sitting still and quiet for any length of time is very hard for young DC, and particularly boys. Of course its a skill they must learn, but perhaps the teacher is expecting too much of him? I like the suggestion to challenge the teacher to be more creative, rather than falling back in methods that clearly don't work. If she's any good she will work with him to find something that motivates him, but not expect too much at this age.