Do I talk to my friend about her son being mean to DS?

[TerrysNo3]

DS is in Y2 and since last year has had some problems with this boy, who is also one of his very good friends. Basically the boy says he can't play with the group, he calls him mean, says he's stupid and today he pushed him over in the classroom (while the teacher was in the other room). DS is incredibly sensitive and gets really upset by this (and said boy laughed at him after he made him cry).

I have spoken with DS about some ways to deal with him and I've written a note to the teachers but we're very good friends with his parents (who are lovely and not bullies at all, although not great at discipline) so I'm wondering if I should talk to them directly? I'm a little afraid of how it will impact our friendship though, but I know this isn't the priority.

Also DS isn't the only child he does this to, others have mentioned it but it seems DS is getting it a bit more.

Any ideas? Thanks

It's very, very tricky. DS came home in tears the other night as the other kids in the street were being mean to him and ganging up on him. He wanted me to go and tell them off, but i think they are old enough to sort these things out themselves (they're 7/8 but there is an older boy who doesn't seem to like DS). Although i am not above giving a Paddington hard stare when necessary!!!

If that's the way he is treating your DS then he's not really "one of his very good friends". I heard one of DSs "very good friends" telling him he couldn't play the other day.

Can you encourage him to play with other kids and have them round for a playdate to encourage the friendship outside school?

I think I'd see what the teacher can do first. Speaking to the parents is a minefield.

I had a similar situation in yr 2 and another friend and I took the mum of mean child for a coffee and had a round about discussion about discipline. That worked quite well and opened up channels of communication. The mean boy's mum was aware that there was a problem (as mean boy was never invited back anywhere on playdates!).

In year 3 we had a great and really experienced teacher who got right on top of the situation and things seem to have improved (they are year 4 now). I've even had him back on a playdate! If he's out of line when he's with me I let him know in no uncertain times.

I had this with my friend's DD. I eventually lost the plot about her child's behaviour in my home and we didn't speak, for two years

Everything is OK now though.