Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

4 year old who doesnt socialise a nursery

17 replies

pepsi · 13/05/2004 10:21

My Ds doesnt mix with others at nursery, he is very happy by himself and says he likes his nursery. Should I worry? any advice on how to help him mix more. Nursery concerned and doing all they can.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dinosaur · 13/05/2004 10:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

SoupDragon · 13/05/2004 10:34

Yes, maybe invite a child back for tea. I would stick with one child at a time to start with so that they have to play together IYSWIM. It would be terrible if you invited 2 and they played together leaving your DS alone.

dinosaur · 13/05/2004 10:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:36

Dinosaur, what's HFA?

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:39

Pepsi - I really don't know about this one. I just haven't decided to what extent social skills can be 'taught', and to what extent some children just find it very, very difficult. Neither of my boys are great socially, ds1 being particularly poor. DS2 (now 5) is more sensitive and considerate can see things from others point of view, but both of them have always had in school reports the fact that they don't mix a lot, and are generally as happy playing on their own as with other children.

SoupDragon · 13/05/2004 10:41

HFA = high functioning autistic I think.

Original poster

pepsi · 13/05/2004 10:43

Sorry for being daft but what doins IYSWIM mean?

OP posts:

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:46

If you see what I mean

roisin · 13/05/2004 10:47

Thanks SoupDragon - I knew he was autistic, but couldn't work out the 'HF' bit.

shrub · 13/05/2004 11:01

could you stay at the nursery with him for say the next couple of weeks to act as a sort of 'bridge' to help him play with the other children? my ds1 has had similar experience. i went to the nursery with him and basically played with him and the other children - lots of role play pretending to be tigers, dragons that sort of thing to help him find his voice and give him a bit more confidence getting involved. good luck

lars · 13/05/2004 11:09

pepsi, Try not to worry too much at this stage.
My ds was a bit like this at that age and still is at times and I couldn't understand why.
Some children do tend to play on their own and does ds have a good imagination which if he does might expalin that he is in enjoying his game and doesn't need others.
Some children like to play one to one and maybe he needs to find a suitable friend of his own.
Does he play with children away from nursery?
My ds has recently under gone an assessment and it is something I mentioned to Phsy- His reply don't worry- some adults are like this and like their own company and also may be particular who they become friends with - children are no different. larsxx

roisin · 13/05/2004 11:51

Lars - how old is your ds? Do you think sociability can be taught, or not?

I'm intrigued by your comment about imagination .. both my dss (5 and 6) have amazing imagination and creativity. I think they would both dearly love their mates to join in playing the games they make up in their imaginary worlds, but generally the friends don't understand, or aren't interested. So dss are quite happy playing the games themselves.

lars · 13/05/2004 12:11

roisin, my ds is 6 and half. I can tell you at first I was worried and now I'm not after assessments, etc. I think we automatically expect children to want to play with all the other children and schools do too. But like adults we choose who we want to be friends with and I know I'm not keen on all the parents I meet up the school - if you know what I mean. In otherwords you know who you want to be friends with and who you don't.
Usually if a childs has good imaginary skills it usually means that they don't always need help from others to stimulate this and therefore are happy to play by themselves. In other words they are doing the choosing i.e to play by themselves and are happy to do this. Also means they are normally bright and maybe other children are always on the same wave length as them- does this make sense? I think just encourage creativity and let them choose their friends it maybe only one friend they feel happy with but that's ok.Also as they develop they usually increase their circle of friends and if they don't - so what as long as they are happy. Let's face it not all of us have the same friends we had a primary school. Yes, you are bound to hear from other parents how popular their child is and has lots of friends- but do they always keep them? larsxx

roisin · 13/05/2004 16:09

Thanks for your comments Lars.

tigermoth · 13/05/2004 22:23

I agree that some children need fewer friends at school or nursery. I was like that from an early age, certainly at primary school, but it got more pronounced as I got older. I always got comments on my school reports about not mixing enough and being too reticent. I was really happy living in a world of my own, though, and I didn't feel lonely - I had enough friends. In my case I just happened to have lots of friends out of school. I felt no pressing need to be mega sociable at school.

Pepsi, how sociable is your son away from nursery? does he have many friends or cousins his age?

mears · 13/05/2004 23:25

pepsi -try not to worry. My ds3 was the same at nursery - he also did not mix. The nursery teacher just said he was an individual and didn't 'need' friends. He is now 13 yrs old and still doesn't have a lot of friends but the ones he has are good ones. Interestingly he has a very vivid imagination and is a whizz on the computer.

ANNIE1 · 13/05/2004 23:33

DD1 is exactly the same, actually it was never something I even thought about before the nursery brought it up as she plays well with friends outside nursery and ven with children she meets at toddler gyms adn places like that. I was so worried at first but as long as she's ok with it then it's fine. It would be different if she wanted to have friends but didn't know how to make them or if no one wanted to be her friend (the nursery says this isn't case with dd!)

Flip