I Really Really need some help here!!! Anyone?????????

[cruisemum1]

Ok, here we go, I have a 12 week old ds and an 8.10 yr old dd. Ds is lovely; a wonderous addition to our family and long awaited . Problem is that he will not settle at bedtime unless he has about a 2 hour suck-a-thon (he is bf) and I want to do this in the quiet, with low lighting etc. etc. As I have a dd who also needs me at bedtime I am finding it difficult to say the least as I cannot neglect dd or expect her to creep around like a mouse between 7 and 9pm. dh rarely in or of much practical use.. Also, ds will not settle until he is fully asleep and then we have the 'place-me-in-my-cot-and-my-eyes-will- pop-open' scenario... and even though I may put him in cot around 7:30/8pm he always wakes yelling and does not back down AT ALL . The good thing is that once he is asleep in there he will go for 9 - 10 hours! He will NOT take a dummy nor will he take a bottle, he becomes completely hysterical with both. I am getting really frayed now as I have not had one quality bedtime with dd since his arrival nor have I had any evenings downstairs as I settle him in his bedroom once dd has gone to bed at 8:30pm and he is often still sucking an hour later. Sorry this sounds a bit muddled but ask questions and I will clarify anything that is not clear . Any suggestions???????????

get a sling and let him suck away while you ignore him and read to dd?
get dh to do dd's bedtime if he's in (may take serious convincing, I know)?
give up feeding ds in his room and feed him in front of television with living room lights off once dd has gone to bed?

sure more ideas will be forthcoming...

I second the sling. It would mean he'd be happy & quiet because he could BF without being disturbed and he'd be 'out of the way' as it were so you could focus on DD and get her off to bed before doing DS's bedtime. I only have 1 DC but once he got the hang of BF in the sling, I could do anything. It was GREAT!

hi, i have ds1 who is 8 years and a day ( i mustnt forget the day!!) and ds2 who is 5 months ( and a day!!) i had this trouble as dp works nights and usually has to leave at bedtimes ( conveiently in the end i have a big bf pillow which ds2 lys on and feeds while i listen to ds1 reading his book or testing him on spellings etc. then once ds2 has fallen asleep (around 7.30) ds2 gets 30 mins undivided attention till his bed at 8pm.
how has your dd coped with the new arrival? my ds was not happy when he knew i was pregnant but soon got over it and now is so proud and helpfull with him, ihe loves being the big brother, but we do have to make special time with him and he goes to stay at his grandparents for one to one also.
but anyway, thgings do sort themselves out and im jealous your ds sleeps so well, mine only mnages abour 3-4 hours at the moment

p.s i gave up trying to get ds1 to creep around, it just doesnt happen now, hes like an elephant runnign around but ds 2 seems to cope and is used to it, now he sleeps through it

do you have a dp? Can you make sure you get a bit of time with dd BEFORE the feeding onslaught? we have dcs 10, 8, 4 and 18mths. when the last arrived we put her to bed later - sorting out all the others pretty much as our routine was before she was born. I did the night feed in the living room - it was about the only time in the day she was with us in her own - so nioce for everyone. At 18 mths she now is in bed at 7 - so we didn't ruin her and make her a night owl either.

Have a serious talk with your dh! He is a dad of two now and things are hard at present so he has a responsibility to be in more and be more use when he is around! Don't let him get away with it!

I do second mrs b tho, I think as your ds is at the boob for so long then I think have him in a sling and just take him to dd's room and do her bedtime as the priority. He will be ok, getting what he wants and you will be able to give dd some time.

but mainly get that dh of yours involved!

or, why don't you start ds sucking at 5pm? He may then finish the 'suckathon' by 7pm, allowing you to concentrate on dd?

If you are worried about him waking in the night if he's asleep by 7 instead of 9, you could always lift him out of the cot when you go to bed and feed him then, he might even go through the night after that....

All your advice is gratefully received. It is manic here at the moment dd has her friend for tea and ds is cooing and gurgling in need of some attention. I will defo read up all posts andn respond asap. thank you thank youthank you.

Mrs B & Christmamamas - i cant get along with a sling tho i agree they can prob be a godsend...

mamapron, sunnyside and worley - dh not that great at the baby thing. He loves his lo's dearly but is never ever in at the time when I most need him and not much use when he is.. Even if he was, dd would still want mummy anyway .
ds already goes pretty well at night - around 9-10 hrs . I'm wondering how to get him off using me as a dummy at bedtime I guess and also if he should be left to cry if he wakes.(when i have left him he becomes quite frantic).Also, how do you successfully get lo's down awake? is he too young to expect that? I can't recall what i did with dd. Trouble is, i have so many questions i can't phrase my post well enough!

I have a 17 week old and a DD 2.6yrs.
Im lucky that DH helps out most nights but if hes out then this is what we do.
Bath DD and DS, get ds out of the bath and dressed on the floor while DD still in bath, then get DD out of the bath and in pj's and into bed. I then start feeding ds while reading DD a book in bed, once story is finished I stop feeding ds while I go in his room and then start feeding him again. Im lucky that he feeds for 30 mins, omce hes finished feeding I swaddle him and cuddle him for a bit until hes asleep/almost asleep and then I put him down. Its normally 8.30pm If your ds feeds for so long could you feed him downstairs with the tv on but lights off and volume low.. Could ou try giving him half a feed before getting your DD to bed and maybe even give him a short nap early evening in order to get him to be happy just until youve put your dd to bed.

BTW ive never managed to get DS to bed awake, im hoping it will come over time!

kbaby - that looks like a plan that could work. it isnot dissimilar to the kind of thing I do now. I bath ds, get him in babygro with low lights and mobile playing tune. I run dd's bath then when she is out we watch TV downstairs until I put her up to bed at 8:30pm. Then I go into our room (sharing with us at the moment while we get our loft conversion decorated) and finish marathon feed in the dark. Trouble is that I am not getting an evening to do SFA! I haven't even written a christmas card yet! I know this will pass but........ Also glad to hear that you are still putting lo down asleep. Makes me feel less pressured knowing that I am not alone at 12 weeks . I just feel terribly stressed at the moment with routine/naps/bedtimes/time for me etc. It doesn't sound so bad when it is written down buthe reality is far harder.. I wish ds would take a dummy and then at least I would not be tied to being sucked every night for 2 hours! He stalwartly refuses one though .....

I only have one DD who is 15 weeks. However I have just cracked the putting her down awake thing (I hope!). Until 13 weeks she also liked to suck for about 2 hours before bed and also refused a dummy or bottle. I would feed her downstairs and then at 6.45pm each night I would take her upstairs to the dark and give her the last 15min feed lying down with her. I would then gently try to lie her in her cot without waking. At 13 weeks I was getting exhausted so I started letting her suck for about an hour downstairs in the light etc then at 6.45 (when she was used to going upstairs to feed then sleep) I took her upstairs. Once upstairs I kept the lights low and swaddled her as I had before but I did not feed her. I spent a week rocking her to sleep in the dark. After the first few nights she got used to this and began taking less and less time to drop off when rocked. I then experimented with putting her down after only limited rocking once I could feel her beginning to drop off. For the last 5 days I have found I can rock her for only 2-3 mins 'til she is calm then I can put her down awake and creep out quickly (if I stay she stays awake to watch me).

It might be worth a try. I think going from feeding to putting themselves to sleep is too big a leap so a bit of rocking in between helps. DD still wakes at least twice in the night though so I am no expert. Good luck.

mumtoapiglet - that sounds like you have it cracked - well done . I am glad to know that I am not hte only one feeling shattered with the breast-a-thon! It is such a tie and I am getting quite down about it . I will try the same method as you with the rocking etc. It is so disheartening when night after night your evening is totally blown to bits and spent in darkness in a bedroom with a needy lo. Thanks - you have given me hope that there is light at the end of hte tunnel!

hi cruisemum. i cracked the 'putting to bed whilst awake' with my dd at 13 weeks by using a light projecter music thingy! i did it by bf for half hour then laying her down for 5 mins first time then picked her up and finished the feed i then gradually bf for longer..ending with just the feed and then the lights! perhaps you could start the bf earlier? then if he is still awake the light thing can be on whilst you give time to DD?

ellesbells - thank you. I have asked for a light mobile thingy for him for Xmas so I'll try that then if Mumtoapiglets idea hasn't worked...