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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

10 year ds given 15 mins detention for giggling in assembly

15 replies

Flowerpower41 · 30/09/2015 12:04

Hi ladies just wanted your opinion. My son is in year 6 and although he can be prone to talking or interrupting in class a little he isn't necessarily over the top. He has however had a bit of a record and a name for himself over the years.

He started year 6 quite nicely so I believed - we are just 3 weeks into the autumn term now and he told me he was very happy with his lady teacher. I know he isn't too keen on male teachers in general - not sure if this is because he has a father he only sees 4 times a year so doesn't get a great lot of one on one male.

I am quite crestfallen to learn that because he was caught giggling louder in assembly that other children - apparently something happened that made them all laugh - he was sent to the front and put on detention today. I think it is for 15 mins. Surely this is quite draconian? I know he was put at the front the other morning too for something I am not sure what.

I have written a letter to his teacher so we can discuss it 330 pm Friday as that is the only day I go early to pick him up.

She also said something about he is on her hit list of children to watch. That sounds quite sinister. Should I pull her up on that too?

I have always been reasonable with the teachers and all staff and although this particular teacher is known to be extra strict it has demoralised my son somewhat whereas previously he had thought her to be a nice teacher - after two years of male teachers I thought we were getting somewhere again!

Last year ds got 5 detentions with his male teacher participating in some of them and at least 2 weren't fairly given but I wasn't proactive enough to go in and discuss. I am not willing to overlook the matter any longer and feel I should go in and find out what is going on.

I am not a precious parent and believe only in fairness and doing the right thing for all and for ds to fit in in society in all settings.

What does anybody think? Any advice/feedback most welcome!

It strikes me unless we are more of a vocal parent it is easy for our children to get picked on once they get a name for themselves ......

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Murloc · 30/09/2015 12:08

You're being precious. You agree that your son can be disruptive, and yet you seem surprised that this is addressed.

I'm not sure why you are so focused on the gender of his teachers, surely you should be encouraging a positive relationship there, not looking to "pull her up" for doing her job.

Sorry to be harsh, but you're totally over-reacting.

KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 12:11

I thought 'precious' too when I read the thread title. He's in year 6, not 6 years old.

murphys · 30/09/2015 12:12

Firstly, how did you find out about the detention? Did ds tell you that it was for giggling or did the school let you know?

Because 16 years into parenthood now, I do realize that what the dc tell me and what really happened, is sometimes two totally different things....

KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 12:13

'hit list of children to watch' IS vile terminology though. I'd focus on that.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 30/09/2015 12:18

Id be giving him a bollocking for disrupting assembly and supporting the teachers. He'll be at secondary school next year and if he doesn't learn soon that he can't be disruptive he'll have a raft of after school detentions.

Original poster

Flowerpower41 · 30/09/2015 12:20

I'm not focusing on the gender of the teachers at all merely mentioning that ds tends to prefer female teachers.

I have always told him throughout that in the real world life is made up of men and women and he has to get used to it and he won't always find people who are his favourite cup of tea.

Thank you for the feedback though ladies and I will go to the teacher to outline just exactly what he is doing wrong from her point of view so that we can focus on that together at home.

Ds told me it was for giggling but he has a habit of saying things like 'I didn't do anything wrong ' etc. which naturally I don't agree with.

Yes I think the term 'hit list' is a bit worrying.

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Original poster

Flowerpower41 · 30/09/2015 12:21

It is such a shame I have such a difficult child at times - I have always discussed everything with him and always encouraged good behaviour I know I am not a lax parent at all.....

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Northumberlandlass · 30/09/2015 12:22

He is 10 - I think it was dealt with appropriately. If he is regularly disruptive I would support the teachers/ school whole heartedly & give him a talking to.

KatharineClifton · 30/09/2015 12:23

Personally I'd not think it's a big thing at all. Mine are 13 now and with hindsight all previous ages were a breeze! But obviously those awful emerging sex hormones are beginning to have an effect by 10.

Don't beat yourself up about it at all, you're an involved parent and can only do your best.

00100001 · 30/09/2015 12:24

well, did the teacher actually say "Hit List" or "List?" what were the teacher's actual words to you?

In Year 6, your PFB should know better than to make silly noises in assembly. He is in the top year group and should be setting an example. It's not like he's never been to assembly before, he knows the rules.

Bubbletree4 · 30/09/2015 12:29

It sounds minor to me and I would be trying to work with the school to sort behaviour out before secondary starts. Some children behave better than others. Mine have had an identical upbringing and one is vastly better behaved than the other. Don't beat yourself up about it, just try and get it sorted.

MrsBalustradeLanyard · 30/09/2015 12:33

15 minute detention is draconian? Come on now, that's a tad overdramatic!

My DD and her P1 class lost 8 minutes from their playtime as they were being too noisy - I don't see a problem with that, and they're 5 years old!

Your son is in for a hard time at high school if his Mum gets him out of detention - for 15 minutes - for misbehaving.

Kewcumber · 30/09/2015 12:33

I probably have your kind of child a year below in year 5. I wouldn't dream of taking this kind of issue up with the school.

Occasionally DS has been more harshly treated or picked up on his behaviour more quickly because of past behaviour. I shrug and say to him "Well thats the price you pay if you're going to arse around more than most, you have a beady eye on you and you might get it in the neck unfairly once or twice"

There are consequences.

Kewcumber · 30/09/2015 12:36

ds got 5 detentions with his male teacher participating in some of them and at least 2 weren't fairly given

I always point out to DS when he's dramatically moaning about the unfairness of one particular punishment that he should see it as punishment for the countless times he got away with something and didn't get caught. Even he sheepishly admits thats probably true.

Original poster

Flowerpower41 · 30/09/2015 12:40

Thank you for all your feedback.

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