Winging, crying child at 3.5 y.o. - is it normal? What do you?

[Frogusha]

How normal is this? My DD is 3.5 y.o.
Average crying per average morning due to:

1. Waking up, doesn?t want to get out of bed
2. Doesn?t want to put slippers on to go to the bathroom (cold floor)
3. Doesn?t want to wear pjs, bathrobe, anything else other than her uniform at breakfast (she?s a messy eater and the uniform quickly gets covered in Weetabix)
4. Dad poured milk on Weetabix instead of Mum ? 20 mins wailing
5. Mum turned up sleeves on cardigan (not supposed to be turned in her view), tights are too high (in her opinion should be on hips, not on waist).
   Ignoring, threats, pleading, arguing doesn?t work. Entertaining her, joking and playing around works but that takes ages and also she learns to cry for the sake of being entertained. She goes to bed on time at 8pm and also has 1-1.5 hours nap after school 1-2.30 or 30pm. Gets up at 7am. Crying more often in the morning. How normal is this? If you have similar problems what do you do? Keep humouring her/him to no end?

It is so hard to say without knowing your daughter though, isn't it? I think wanting your attention in the morning is normal (which is perhaps what some of this is about). But I also think a 1 - 1.5 hour nap is a lot for a 3.5 year old, so it sounds like she is getting a lot of rest but is needing more (i.e. the not wanting to get out of bed). Both of my children had dropped their naps by 3 unless it has been a very busy day. Have you tried a star chart? Do you think she could be in pain at all - I find my daughter is more grumpy in the mornings if her tummy hurts or similar.

Normal. Solution: Hibernate for 1.5 years.

(Sorry :o)

Did she just start school this September? If so, she is probably adjusting to the new routine, and feeling much more tired than usual. My DS is 3.5 and all of this is very familiar - even before starting pre-school a couple of weeks ago.
I know it is utterly exhausting (and frustrating and annoying) but my advice is to stay firm, but offer lots of reassurance and cuddles too. If he throws a wobbly about something minor (i.e. the sleeves thing) I try not to get involved as it just winds me up. My nanny is brilliant at this stuff - she just calmly gets on with things until he has got it out of his system, then gives him a cuddle and says well done for calming down, or something like that.
DS gets very upset about not wearing the "right" thing - i.e. PJs, dressing gown, uniform, "morning clothes", shorts or pants being up too high on his waist.

Thank you very much all for the responses!
No, I don?t think she?s in pain ? she?d be telling me about it immediately usually. Her temperature is normal. We tried to drop naps but then she has no Mummy time in the evening. I get back about 18.30 on a good day. She?d have to go to bed earlier and no reading. We also do a Saturday phonics class and that requires doing some ?homework? every night (just phonics games and tracing figures) ? hence it seems it?s best to keep the naps for now, so she can do homework; intend to drop them in the summer before reception.
We tried star chart before, it worked well ? you?re right, perhaps should reinstate it.
Yes, TeaandHobnobs, she just started Nursery at the new school this September. And it means she?s getting up a bit earlier and the journey is 10-15 mins longer. But unfortunately there is no more time in the day to sleep. It?s good to hear she?s not the only one hung up on what clothes she?s wearing and the style of wearing them!
I like the approach of letting her get it out of her system but it usually takes quite a bit of time. Perhaps next time I?ll say When you calm down I?ll give you a cuddle to (hopefully) speed things up :)

Are you typing in word and copying and pasting? It looks like your apostrophes and hypens are converting to curly/long ones and they're displaying as question marks.

Drop the homework. She's 3.5!

Sounds pretty normal, re the tights thing my dd is very particular about waistbands and where they sit, refuses to have anything above her belly button. I know a few kids who are also fussy re clothes, so quite common.

I would stop the homework and phonics class tbh, she is three! They will do the basics at nursery and she will do it all in reception.

Oh and pick your battles ie does she need to wear slippers? Will she wear a long sleeved bib for eating if you are worried re uniform. Dressing gown again isn't really needed,yeah she my get cold and then she will learn to put it on.

At this age keep.it simple, don't fuss and pick your battles.

Yes, sorry, was typing in Word and pasting. Sorry for the weird symbols.

And no, oh horror, she won't wear a bib or a towel wrapped around, as she is not a baby! :)

Well, homework is just drawing and games. It just gives me something structured to do with her in my very limited working evening time with her, and also I don't have to think about what activity to undertake in the hour before she goes to bed (which would not involve her getting overexcited and unable to sleep). I would still be doing something - like the same drawing but just not called "homework". It is not exhausting - I think every 3.5 year old would like to colour and draw circles or play games where they always win (like match 2 cards).

But yes, jury is still out about the phonics class on Saturdays. I thought it'd be good to increase her concentration span. I paid until the end of term and might drop it once autumn term is over.

Thank you for all the comments!

She's in bed 8pm - 7am but is she actually asleep all that time? I realised recently that DD is quiet till 7ish but actually wakes up any time from 5.30 to 6.30, hence is often very tired.

Also - does she have a high metabolism? my DD does and she is awful cries and whinges a lot if she is hungry. Get some food down her and she's ok. Could you try doing breakfast first in the morning and then get dressed? Or a cup of milk/banana first thing?

3 year olds are a PITA, much much worse than the 'terrible twos'. My DD needs 12 hours solid sleep a night (she's 4). She doesn't nap. Things I found that helped: good bedtime routine, structured morning, snack after nursery/school, picking battles and wine (for me obviously!). Good luck OP it does get better!

Our just turned 3 year old is the same. She never used to be but it seemed to begin when she moved up to the next room at pre school.
She gets up after 12 hours sleep but is clearly still tired. Cries because she dosent want to get dressed because it's cold. Cries if she can't choose her own bowl for cereal, cries if she can't help pour it out and help pour the milk, then when we have to do her hair it creates more tears......it just goes on and often I find my self just walking away from her and going to another room. Tiny bumps or trips (on carpet) turns into wailing when she isn't actually hurt. Her cries are really loud and dramatic. She seems to get very silly and hyper, then just crashes when really tired before bed in the evening. The silly behaviour ends in her being told off and more tears, then that's bedtime ruined and she gets no stories because her naughty behaviour. Even when I have time off work, I want to plan lovely days together and trips etc to places she loves but I end up dropping her at pre school because she can't even make it 10 minutes after waking up without tears over something then by the time we are both ready to go out, I've had enough of the constant crying and decide the is no point and can't be bothered to continue the day like that. I do hope it passes because she was such a calm, happy and laid back 2 year old that this has come as a bit of a shock to us.

I do think you have to let her get on with it and only insist when something really matters. For your sanity! Does it matter if she has cold feet? She gets her own way by crying doesn't she? You are tiptoeing round her every demand. How about you ignore her? Like the nanny does in the post up thread. Don't look at her and don't respond when she complains. Let her do it her way for a bit and see how she gets on. Even if she has a dirty uniform. So what for a couple of days? She may become a tidy eater. She knows you need her to get to pre school so she is trying to put barriers up to slow the day down. Is she better at weekends?

If a child trips up on a carpet and is obviously ok, then let them cry. Ignore it.

I did used to, occasionally, speak sharply to my DC so they actually knew how I felt and that I really would not stand for a certain type of behaviour and that crying had to stop. I hate whinging and crying. I think we have become afraid to say that children must stop crying to get attention and what they want all the time. How did a child even get to choose a cereal bowl? Just give her one with everything in it. No choice. Just do it. They cannot have what they want or do what they want all the time. Only have a battle when you absolutely must. For example, holding your hand when you are on a pavement next to a busy road.

Reward charts can work providing the child is motivated by these. Treats can work. Go to a favourite cafe etc if there has been an improvement. It is hard work, but they do get better. No-one likes a cry baby at school so they soon learn to get on with life.

Oh fuck me, yes!
Mine is 3.10 and she is driving me to distraction - everything in your list!

Whining because she wants something, mardy because something's not quite right!

Aaaaaaaaaargh!

We certainly don't give in to the crying or whinging. It's gets ignored, but listening to it is still irritating.

"How did she get to choosing a cereal bowl" so millymolly your children have never had a favourite item before or something they prefer over others??

Her nan happened to buy her a "pretty" bowl and she now prefers that over her old baby plastic ones. Where is the harm in that?
We let her help prepare her cereal as she likes being independent as do many 3 year olds, and this is something she can help with that dosent usually delay our getting out the door on time. Sometimes if the bowl is dirty then tough she has to use another one but like you said it's about picking your battles and if the one she wants it clean they I'm not going to create a battle for no reason am I?
Your post comes across very much like a slating.
The whole reason she is crying and whinging is because she isn't getting her own way all the time. Which is something she will eventually learn to deal with. I guess this age is all about learning to control their emotions and dealing with things not always going their way.

Mine is 3.10 and exhausted all the time, by rights she should be in bed by 6.30. Whining has become the norm. Absolutely no way she could handle homework or a Saturday phonics class on top of things! I bet if you drop those things she'd be less hard work. Just watch a bit of TV or read a book with her on your knee instead.