Is it possible to discipline a 2.5 year old toddler?

[Kraggle]

Dd is 2 1/2 and is becoming true to form a terrible 2 year old! She does not listen to me or dh whatsoever when we ask her not to do something such as climbing on the table or throwing something.

We have implemented a time out where we go and sit her on the stairs, explain briefly why she's been put on the naughty step and say she has to stay there until we count to 20.
She thinks it's a big game. She laughs, messes about, stands up etc etc. we stop counting and start again from one everytime she stands up but its so hard to do it when she's laughing in our faces and I have sat there for more than 10 mins with her just trying to get to 20.

She is very bright, and has good language and understanding so it's not frustration why she's acting out. I'm just wondering if there's anything else we should be doing it if we should stop doing anything altogether. Some behaviour we can't just ignore such as slamming her stairgate repeatedly or slamming the fridge open and closed (we are getting a lock.)

Stop asking her and start telling her. Perhaps you need to be a bit more assertive? It sounds like attention-seeking behaviour and she is wrapping you round her little finger to be honest... Be firm. If she laughs at the 'naughty step' then take her favourite toy away and tell her she can have it back once she says sorry for what she did wrong.

Or as an alternative to the timeout/naughty step and taking away of toys, you could investigate a different approach. I would recommend the methods in the Toddler Calm book as a way of approaching this differently. It's not everyone's cup of tea, but I find it very helpful.

We use a very firm (but ideally not shouty voice) to say we're not happy with what DS (2.3) has done and, when needed, put him quickly but gently in a safe boring corner of the hall 'to calm down and have a think'. Then walk away and give no more attention until he's sat quietly and ready to have a chat about why throwing toys into mirrors or whatever is not on. If he gets up we put him back. We started this at about 1.5 and he now takes himself off for a think if he gets worked up and slaps us or does anything else he knows is off limits.

It didn't work for us for minor things - we'd have been doing it all the time - and we found ignoring was best. As soon as we walked away he stopped doing annoying things / refusing to get dressed and falls into line.

And at first when 'thinking corner' was treated as a game and we really wanted him to stop hitting us, we had 'time in' where we'd hold him firmly until he calmed down.

All that said, I was in here just a few weeks ago asking for tips on how to manage increasing bouts of bad feeling in the house as none of this was working. He's since started being an absolute joy again, though, so think a lot of behaviour is just phases they go through. Hope this helps.

DD is 26 months - we try and use very clear consequences, so: if you do that again I will take it away. And we make sure we mean it and follow through. We save getting cross for very rare occasions so she doesn't get too used to it. We also give her notice of what we want her to do: I'm going to count to five and then I want you to pick that up/come here/stop doing that etc. if you don't then I will come and get you/take it away, etc

She still is 'naughty' sometimes (pushing boundaries/trying to get her own way) but she really does seem to be learning that we mean what we say and always follow through and it is starting to make a big difference.

I'm sure she'll be a right threenager though :)

Consistency is key, and as HJ said, taking away the attention during her time out. The fact you are still there counting gives her the opportunity to play to the crowd.

We went through this will all the biters. Some DS2 especially were more vocal and stubborn than others but we remained consistent. Biter is asked to please stop it, followed by told to stop it 'or else ' followed by firm, calm consequence implementation (and no negotation even if they're screaming "sorry, sorry, sorry"). Finite consequence ends, apologies, hugs and reset. In our house it was five quiet minutes on the naughty spot (used a timer).

We use essentaily the same method now-even with the teen and we rarely get to consequence stage now (youngest is 6).

I feel for you, it's hard work and just when you think you have sussed they find something new to drive you crazy with

They all go through this phase. The most effective way of dealing with it isn't 'discipline' but ignoring poor behaviour and rewarding good behaviour. Naughty step just escalates stuff and gives her attention when she's being naughty.