Today I was asked if my son was autistic

[Tomfunsnumber1trolley]

DS is just 4, he's a spirited little boy, great vocabulary, funny, energetic. At times, he can be a bit wild and boisterous, loves to run around and pretend he's an octonaut! Today we were at another child's party, there was an entertainer there,not a clown but a guy who was in charge of the games, dancing etc. He was very funny and great with the kids, Ds took a bit of a shine to him and thought he was hilarious. When they were playing musical statues he kept running over to the entertainer and grabbing him. Not hitting him or hugging him, more of a grab, I guess Ds idea of a play fight. I thought he was being a bit cheeky and told him to stop, but he thought it was funny. When I went over to him, the entertainer asked me if he was autistic. I said 'pardon' cos I couldn't quite believe it, and he repeated. I was a bit taken aback and sort of laughed and said no, he's just a bit wild. I was so upset. But now I'm thinking is he? Dh doesnt think so, we are both teachers so have experience of working with autistic, albeit older, children.

Anyone with any experience of younger children with autism or any advice I'd much appreciate it.

My 4 1/2 year old has ASD, and tbh nothing in your post specifically suggests autism to me or conversely that he doesn't have autism. Presumably the entertainer was referring to your son not following the instructions, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything imp. Is there anything in particular that's making you worry?
In my daughter it was a lack of pointing that was the first clue for instance.

Had similar comments with ds2 birthday parties were the worst, he was very unpredictable. Either scared of the entertainer and hiding under tables, covering his ears when the music was too loud, or running like a lunatic when loaded with sugar and excitement. I also had comments from health professionals. However they just have a snapshot of behaviour, and we all make mistakes.

Thanks for your replies. I don't think he's autistic, he doesn't really show any signs other than he doesn't really like loud noises. He's at nursery five days a week from 8 until quarter past 5, sometimes I think that because his week is so routine and rigid he does go a bit wild when he's out of nursery. I've sobbed to my mum who pointed out that at a similar age in a school play I was supposed to be a tree and stand still but instead roamed and the stage skipping and dancing, thus it's hardly surprising he's a free spirit! We've got our parents meeting at nursery this week so I'll see if they say anything.

Obviously if you have concerns then you should have your DS properly assessed, but I wouldn't give any weight to the opinion of an untrained person who has seen a brief snapshot of your son's behaviour in an atypical environment.

If the entertainer (note: 'entertainer', not 'doctor'!) actually had a clue, then he wouldn't have asked that way.

The only acceptable reasons for him to raise the subject would be either
a) he needed to know whether any of the children had particular needs which he should take into account, in which case he should have asked the host up front
b) He thought your son might have needs you're not aware of, and he was GENUINELY concerned to help you, in which case he wouldn't make an off-hand comment: he would try to find a way to share his concern with you in a way you would be able to take on board.

Neither of those were the case. So basically, this is an untrained person making a thoughtless comment when he should have known better.

It is very hard when our children are judged by others. Brings out the mama bear in us.

Happened to me yesterday.

My DD2 has not been diagnosed with any ASD but she does have moderate speech delay, other than that she is a happy, chilled out little girl. I do see her as younger than her sister at this age and worry that she won't be ready/caught up for starting kindergarten next Sept (at 4).

Wasn't helped when one of the mums I vaguely know at school taking one look at her being silly and running in circles and commenting with a snooty smile on her face "and she's supposed to be is starting kindergarten next year isn't she?'

Not sure why she felt the need to comment, but it has worried and annoyed me ever since she said it.

The entertainer was TOTALLY out of line commenting on your DS, and it sounds like he is completely clueless. I know it is hard but try to put it out of your mind.