I'm a new mumsnetter and this is an essay I'm sorry....thank you if you still continue to read :D
My DS is 9. July-born but very bright. Bit of mismatch between his intellect and maturity. He has always been very mummified. Has tendency to moan and can be difficult to cajole but does have a temper and lashes out at us particularly since he turned 8. Softly softly approach works for me, but causes friction with DH as he prefers the 'man up!' approach. Under all that is a very loving, generous and kind little boy with a heart of gold.
He was popular at first school in a class with lots of neighbours children and he was invited to lots of parties, play dates and I hosted lots of these two. He then moved to middle school and ended up in a class with only 2 boys he already knew (not particularly well) and most of the others ended up together in larger clusters in other classes. Cut to MARCH(!) of year 4 (1st year of middle school) and his teacher says he has not bonded with anyone in class. He joined in SEPTEMBER! DS had given no clue that he was unhappy at school and would happily tell me about his day and I chat to my children (DD is 11) after school about their day.
I work full-time by this time so sank into Mummy guilt that I wasn't monitoring things, not able to have other children after school though childminder was fab with son in same class and another boy (all friends too) so he was getting lots of social contact that way. I did a big 'kick start' party for them all in April and really sounded off about school not saying anything earlier. Loads came to the party, DS had a fab time, was a really good host as I had coached him and all the boys went home telling their mum what a fab time they had. Just good old pizza and football in the garden.
We are now in the position that his old classmates all still see each other after school (endless Facebook updates about this party, that play date, that DS was not invited to despite him playing with them at break times and the party I organised that they all came to in April - do they not care that I can see all of them getting together without my DS or me???) and having not bonded with any kids in his new class, not getting invited to anything through the new class either.
I have even quit my job and taking a very part-time one so that I can spend more time with them and help them more. (DD just started high school). That seems to have made things worse in the short-term as he now doesn't see the children from the childminder either!
Then my dad died suddenly just before his birthday and now on top of child now starting to realise that he is not maintaining friendships the way he sees others doing, he is showing real bereavement issues and struggling with insomnia. As you can imagine, i wasn't in any fit state to plan a birthday party. Is he not being invited because they think we didn't invite them to DS's? Are people really that shallow?
What I really need help with is a) how to get DS to go to sleep b) help with how to get school to tackle this c) how I deal with his bereavement and d) help him with friendships when the invites I sent don't get replied to.
I feel utterly helpless at the moment.