3 year old epic meltdowns after school- help!

[LittlePink]

I'll just describe what I've just been through in the last couple of hours. It can only be described as my idea of hell and I actually feel quite shaken. I've never experienced anything quite like it.

3 yr old dd has started full days at pre school yesterday and today. She's been going 2 half days since April so she knows them all well and loves going. The last two days have been full days and she's been coming out with a stinking attitude, talking to me like shit with dirty looks. This afternoon she got in the car and said "mummy I didn't have boots. I couldn't jump in the puddles. Someone else had sparkly boots and I need my hello kitty boots ok?" Whilst giving me a filthy look. I said sweetheart don't talk to mummy like that please. Remember father xmas' squirrel is watching and will tell him if you're not nice. So she said sorry mummy. So that was that. We got home and she fell asleep at 4pm on the sofa. She woke up at 4.45 in the. Worst. Possible. Mood. Ever. Crying, screaming, wouldn't eat dinner. So I put her to bed at 5.30 and she lay in her bed screaming her head off whilst ds who is 8 months totally fell apart coz he was over tired and screamed his lungs off, throwing himself around so I couldn't undress him or even hold him properly. Gave him his milk eventually once I'd managed to get him in his baby grow while dd went absolutely nuts in her room. I felt so awful her like that on her own but the two of them together having complete meltdowns was not good as they were upsetting each other. I didn't know who to be with!

I don't know what do! Do I cut her days to half days? Or wait it out hoping she'll get used to full days? Are they all like this while they transition to full days to begin with? Does it settle down after a week or so? I'm so shocked by her behaviour. I honestly have never seen anything quite it!

I would have found the boots comment funny, myself.

But as for the mood, she's tired. My DS is like this. I've found I have to keep him awake until bedtime. If he does nap he wakes up in a foul mood. Absolutely foul. So I have to keep prodding him, or play with him.

I'd have found the boots comment quite funny myself.

And Father Christmas already?! It's September.

She's shattered and hence in a grumpy mood. As she gets used to it she'll be better. In the meantime give her a bit of a break.

She'll adjust. I say to ds when he's being an overtired grump that if he wants to cry he can do it in his room. Then I go in after a few minutes and ask if he wants to stop crying and come and watch some tv. Usually works after 1 or 2 times.

Yeah I know father Xmas! Eek! It's only because she's been on and on about the aurora doll she saw in the Disney store. So I said she could put it on her list to father Xmas to placate her as she was crying about it. So it's kind of gone from there with the squirrel in the garden watching her behaviour and reporting back blah blah! Anyway enough said about that! I digress.

The boots comment was funny I know but it's just the way she said it with a filthy look and the attitude. Maybe I should have just said haha very funny but I wanted her to know she needs to talk nicely.

She is clearly absolutely exhausted. It's just what do I do about it. Hope she settles in to full days and go with it for now or cut her back to just mornings.

Thanks for all your comments. It helps to get some clarity on the last couple of days. It just seems so much more intense with the baby going nuts at the same time. You feel like you're heads going to explode! I just sang my way through his meltdown. Didn't know what else to do!

Do you give her a snack straight after school, could help perk her up.

You are right to pick her up on speaking to you rudely.

Keep everything awake and calm with a snack in the car and then low key stuff to help her unwind at home. Get dinner done early at 6 then bath and bed. Call it a day as soon as you can. As the weeks go by you can stretch to 6:15 or 6:30. But I wouldn't have her going to bed after 7:30 of you can avoid it. Cur out the snooze after school - that was the trigger.

Thanks- I don't like her sleeping at that time as she goes to bed at 6.30/7 every night but I was in the kitchen sorting stuff out while she was in the living room. I thought she was quiet and when I went in she was fast asleep sitting up! It was one of those oh no moments.
She sleeps 12 hours, or perhaps not quite as much as that, we don't know because she has a gro clock and waits for the sunshine and calls out on the dot of 6.30 every morning but she's in her bed 11.5/12 hours every night.
I will definitely make sure she has a snack as soon as I pick her up and do an earlier dinner and have her in bed by 6, making sure she doesn't nap when she gets in. Good plan, thank you.

So let me get this right. She is not with you all day and asked you for boots with a 'dirty look' and unkind voice and you actually think that's a big deal? Pick your battles and be kinder to her. It's very tiring to be in nursery all day. Bring a snack when you pick her up, and a drink. Praise good behaviour and attitude instead of threat that are absolutely months away. She is three.

Does she have to do full days or could she just up the number of half days? 3 is still so little and even if nursery is fun it still takes a lot of concentration and is a massive sensory overload for a small person. Snack on pick up is a definite winner though.

Crikey when you said she was rude I thought you meant shouting 'I don't like you', 'Go away', 'Stop talking', 'I love daddy but I don't love you' (my personal favourite).

They're tired and ratty after a long day, esp kids that need more/are used to more sleep. Distract with snacks, try to keep her awake, cuddles and gentle activities and bath/bedtime at a reasonable hour.

Avebury - if they're going to be starting school soon it might be a good idea to get them used to not only the activity of a full day but also the independence, sooner rather than later. Better to iron out teething issues in pre-school where there's likely to be more support than reception IMO.

Does she need to go full time? She's tiny and tired. Cut her some slack. When all of mine started school, so aged 4, I would bring them home, turn on the TV, sit next to them on the sofa and hug them for about 45 mins. They were very stressed and just needed a space to just be without any demands on them at all.

Starting school soon - a 3yo in September. I make that a year to go - or a quarter of their life. Ages away. School is good prep for school

Op I think you need to anticipate this and give her the option to not behave like that. I know it is only to us but saying things like "talking to me like shit" is quite confrontational and puts you up against her, which is a sure fire recipe for a stand off.