8 year old DD beyond endurance!!

[AuntieMeemz]

Does anyone else suffer this..
ALL day long..'my foot,leg, knee, jaw, finger,neck hurts/aches/has a mark
400 times a day 'look at this MUM, hold this,carry this. listen to this, read this, watch this, do this, undo this, fix this,sort this ..

When asked to do something, her response is always 'wait, I''m going to do this/get this/ (ie you wait and I'll do it when I've made you wait first). If I say you need to do it before I count 5, she will not move until I get to the last sound of the word five!

Whatever meal is served up she hates/refuses to eat/snorts/growls/ argues/negotiates down to the last pea (even though I refuse to join in).

She has her special time with me, approx 3 times a day, and it goes like this..
'What would you like to do?
DD don't know
Me how about x/y/z
DD no, I hate those
Me what about 1/2/3 no I don't like those ==== circular discussion== special time all gone! (if I choose something, she just refuses to do it).
I make sure I engage her by holding her hand when eg walking,or asking her something, or doing a little thing with her. So, I don't think she's short of attention. I also make sure she has a fair say in discussions. Alhtough when asked her opinion or what she thinks, she usually replies 'I dunno', or 'I hate it'.

She argues every detail of a comment, suggestion or information. When I'm trying to explain something or tell an anecdote eg, she shoots rapid fire question after every few words.

She gets her turn to choose where we go for a trip, but if it's not her turn= spitting, snarling,growling, lashing out at her brother,stomping, tantrums.

All the usual parenting methods work, if it's one thing at a time, but when it's ALL of the above ALL day, every day, I'm absolutely exhausted and driven to the edge of my sanity.

We have a peaceful, settled, secure family homelife, free from any major worries. She is happy at school. Her teachers think she is just fab.Every year we sit there and listen to the teachers saying what a lovely, helpful, happy soul she is!
We are absolutely consistent, all day, every day, but it yields no results at all! We don't smack or hit our children. I do raise my voice and use discipline which is usually earlier bed time, or loosing pocket money, or (small, manageable)extra chores.
DH and I both work full time, but our evenings are set aside form family time until the children go to bed. We have a regular routine (the children have some say in what chores are done when, and a rota is on the wall). We have a sensible diet (organic food,very few additives-occasional sweets etc). Bed times are regular and at 8.30 for DD.
We love her dearly, believe and practice positive praise, and share our affection openly.

Oh that feels better, to just get it off my chest!

You sound like a lovely parent!
The only thing I can think of is that she may be feeling everything is a little too structured! I may be wrong, obviously

Well, I always think if you're properly worried, or something really bothers you, chat to a professional. Sounds to me like she wants more of you, and maybe you need to be a stricter parent - eg we are doing activity x at 9am. Rather than giving choices or time count downs. But chat to someone?

Hormones can start around 8! She's entering the tween years 8-12!
All sounds normal to me. Kids argue as much as you let them! Don't ask her lots of questions, let her tell you what she wants, don't suggest!
Don't count to 5, it's just a game! Of course she waits until 5 any kid would!
Also the backchat when you ask her to do something, don't accept it!

Perhaps you do to much for her, accommodate her too much??? It's almost like she expect equal rather than child rights?

angryangryyoungwoman - Thank you,it was nice to hear that we sound like lovely parents. (We are older than most and went through 8 years of IVF - including 2 trips to Russia- to have our family). We certainly are trying hard, we love having children, it means the whole world to us. When I hear them laugh, or look at their sleeping faces, every time, I think 'I'm so grateful for the gift of you'.
12 years on from the start of our IVF, I still feel that for us, having children is still better than not having them.
I can see from the other posts too, that there is a common thread, so I'm going to spend today giving less choices and just saying what we/I want. Less choices etc.

meemz - what a lovely post ^^

You have had some good advice above. Just to add that being "good" all day at school is bloody draining and home is place where one can just flop (and complain ) in a safe zone. So yes, fewer choices and lots of sympathy for the sore foot etc, with cuddles and kissing it better. The phase should pass once she's confident of getting what she needs when she asks for it.

My DD is 14 and extremely cool but still needs to be babied sometimes. It's increasingly rare these days though!