How to encourage chat after school?

[MiniCooperLover]

So my DS who is 4 has started reception. He's never been the most receptive to conversation, there are no SN's that we are aware of, but he's easily distracted and very stubborn. Every day since last Monday, despite wording it in various different ways and only asking when he's calm and not overly distracted or playing, the response I get to 'how was your day, or what did you eat, or who did you play with' is 'I don't know Mummy'. I'm not bombarding him with questions, I only ask once or twice, but I need some ways to ask that might help him answer me please?? He pretends to whisper in my ear sometimes but then actually just whispers gobblygook and nothing happens. Those who have had new starters please help me ...

I find my dc are more likely to open up just before bedtime obviously a stalling tactic before going to sleep if I ask them what they've done today/had for lunch /who they played with etc straight from school I nearly always get the can't remember or don't know response

When our DS started school, and came home at the end of the afternoon, he had a little notebook - his 'register' - and would mark in mum and I, and that led on to him pretending to write about what he had done in class (even before he could write properly.)

I often drove him to school (3 miles, down country lanes) and we would deliberately arrive ten or fifteen minutes early, so that we had time to chat before he went into class.

School asked for parent-helpers to support reading, and I did a morning a week, and went on to do Friday afternoon gardening activities with Yr6, and also ran a Keyboard music club after school with Yr6.

So, to some extent, school was not just for DS, but a shared experience with parents.

(Obviously, many parents will not have the time or inclination to be so involved in school, but sharing some things with your child, or describing your own school life, in the 'old days' might help bridge the divide.)

I don't know what the answer is OP but I sympathise -- I'm getting virtually nothing out of my DD who started two weeks ago.

She drip feeds and quite often the most relevant pieces of information will come out 48 hours after the events have taken place.

By all accounts its fairly common and I don't think its anything to worry too much about. As long as he isn't distressed or upset and the school hasn't flagged anything to you he will probably start opening up when he is settled.

If I ask what they've been up to I just get 'nothing' or 'I can't remember'. I now try to ask things like who was your favourite friend today? Did anyone make you laugh? What was the best thing you ate/ did you eat all of your lunch? Sometimes their answers lead to them opening up a bit more about what happened - unless they're tired and then it's like getting blood from a stone!

I found this with DD when she started school, I would get home from work all keen to talk about her day and get 'can't remember'. Now we manage to talk about loads of things she does. My suggestions are:

Let them have some down time, a teacher said to me, it's like you having a really long day at work and then someone asking for all the details when you get home. You don't necessarily want to talk about it all having only just finished. Especially at the beginning when it is all very new to them. They need to process it themselves before they can tell you much about it.

We got on a lot better when we waited until bed time and now incorporate 'chatting time' into our routine, the more we did it the more 'productive' it became

Tell them about your day, my DD loves hearing about what I did (though she thinks it mostly involves computers and coffee, which is about right) - then it's a conversation in which they have an equal part rather than being under the spotlight themselves.

Good luck, it get's better as they get more used to school and to telling you things.

Try these

www.huffingtonpost.com/liz-evans/25-ways-to-ask-your-kids-so-how-was-school-today-without-asking-them-so-how-was-school-today_b_5738338.html