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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Seven year old not going to sleep till 11 pm! Help!

18 replies

lucysnowe · 16/09/2015 14:48

DD7 is having big problems going to sleep at the mo. She used to be 7-7 but in the last two years it has been getting later and later - about 10.30-11 pm which I know is crazy (waking up around 8 am when I get her up but she'd happily sleep till 9 am).

At the moment her bedtime routine is 8.30 pm ish, then I read to her/she reads to me for 20 minutes or so, then she reads to herself or plays quietly (she shares a room with her brother who zonks out at around 8 pm and never wakes him). Up till now I haven't had a lights out time and she's had quite a bright light on (bad I know but I have been very lax because she doesn't disturb us ). However for the last few days I have been allowing her to read for about half an hour with a night light till 9.30 pm then turn it off but she still doesn't go off till an hour later. I'm torn between keeping going with the lights off thing or just letting her read herself to sleep, because it seems a bit harsh to have her there lying in the darkness. Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:

Doublebubblebubble · 16/09/2015 14:54

It sounds (and I don't have a 7 year old so I might be talking rubbish) like that is much too late to be starting the whole going to bed thing. Id start it a bit earlier at 6pm... Dinner, bath, book and bed. And then if she wants to read for a bit she can. Also change her light bulb to the lowest wattage (sp??) that you can... Reading in fairly dim light always makes me super tired x

Artandco · 16/09/2015 14:54

Is she getting enough excercise on a school day? Can she always walk/ cycle home the long route and you all stop off near a park or something? Supposed to be 3hrs excercise a day for a child which I doubt she gets at school ( mine are always more tired in school holidays as outside all day)

EnglishWeddingGuest · 16/09/2015 15:06

Start bedtime way earlier as pp suggests

Have a firm lights out and going to sleep time and enforce it

I would not give my 7 year old the choice to play quietly - generally at this age they don't know when they are tired or have the judgement yet to determine they need to go to sleep

Bed at 7.30 or 8 with reading and then lights out 30 minutes later

No playing - reading only

Small night light only

WombOfOnesOwn · 16/09/2015 21:29

She could have the rarer form of the CLOCK gene, which tends to make people desire a later sleep/wake cycle and need slightly less sleep than the average person. Before forcing the issue, consider getting a test from 23andme or ancestry.com and seeing if this is a genetic issue. My parents tried forever to get me to sleep at a "normal" time and I always wanted to be a bit more of a night owl. Turns out I have two copies of that gene, and it would have been unusual for me NOT to have done that with my genetics!

Original poster

lucysnowe · 17/09/2015 10:50

Thanks guys. I think she is ok re exercise. I did do lights out yesterday evening which she accepted but still slept rather late I think. We can't have bedtime too early because her brother needs to go to bed/sleep first, otherwise they play up (in the same room!). I think it is psychological, she likes the idea of playing in secret all by herself.

Womb - interesting, just looking into it now. Both DH and I could happily sleep 12 hours a night though!

OP posts:

Miloarmadillo1 · 17/09/2015 18:50

Another vote for the bedtime routine is happening far too late. My nearly 9 yr old is doing bath and stories from 6.30pm, in bed by 7pm, reads to himself until 7.30pm if there is school the next day and 8pm if there isn't.
7 yr olds are supposed to get 10.5 hrs sleep so even with a late riser (isn't the school run a terrible rush getting up at 8??) she should be asleep by 9.30pm at the latest.

Investmentspaidout · 17/09/2015 18:52

She is getting 9 hours sleep, surely that is a decent amount?

I alwats let dc go to bed much later with a short routine.

NickiFury · 17/09/2015 18:55

My 9 year old goes to bed at ten, reads and falls asleep at eleven, up at 8. She's getting the required amount of sleep for her age so it's just the way it is. Your dd is getting the sleep she needs obviously. If you want her to fall asleep earlier you'll have to wake her up earlier.

IHaveBrilloHair · 17/09/2015 18:56

So long as she is not creating a fuss, is behaving and getting enough sleep, I don't see a problem with it, dd has always been a night owl.
I find it madness that people put their kids to bed at 6.30 and then are up for the day at 5am.

PetraDelphiki · 17/09/2015 18:59

How on earth can you get bedtime started at 630? Dd(9) doesn't get home until almost 5, then there's homework, music practice, supper and some downtime!!! Plus music lessons 2 days a week and a sport another day...

And this is a low key after school schedule - I know plenty of her age round us with drama, brownies, plus 2-3 sports, plus music/homework!!

I'm happy If we start bedtime at 8! Then bed at 830, sleep optimistically 930...up at 7...

OrionsAccessory · 17/09/2015 19:05

My 7 year old is a night owl. Starting bedtime any earlier just results in her getting bored and moaning because she just isn't tired at that time so she goes to bed at 8pm. We let her read for about 30mins then lights out and she usually listens to an audiobook. She wakes at 8am most of the time but she doesn't go to school so that isn't a problem for us. I don't really have any advice because nothing we've tried over the past couple of years has made any difference to when she falls asleep!

LooseSeal · 17/09/2015 19:08

My seven year old is the same. It's not every night, but I know that some nights she's up until 11pm reading (especially if she's really enjoying her book). She's always up in the morning at around 7.30am, and doesn't seem to suffer at all from her night owl ways.

TBH I'm not that worried about it, she stays in her room and isn't being naughty, and never seems tired in the daytime. Her dad sleeps very little, and she simply seems to have inherited her sleep patterns off him rather than her dormouse mother (it's not unusual for her to be up after me, and at weekends up long before me).

Miloarmadillo1 · 17/09/2015 19:12

School finishes 3.15, 4.30 if they have after-school clubs, latest finish is 5pm after swimming lessons. Tea 6pm, bath 6.30, bed 7pm. Two youngest straight to sleep, older one (8) reads or amuses himself until lights out.
I wouldn't do later activities during the week, perhaps because I've got younger ones as well, and because I've had enough of the lot of them by 7pm and I want my evening to myself!
If late bedtimes are working for your family, fine, but OP obviously thinks her DD is getting nowhere near enough sleep.

OrionsAccessory · 17/09/2015 20:03

I get that miloarmadillo but even if those of us with children that have similar sleep patterns haven't found anything that makes our kids fall asleep earlier and so can't offer advice, it is sometimes nice to know there are others in the same position.

Original poster

lucysnowe · 18/09/2015 10:46

Thanks all :) The thing is I do have to wake her at 8 and in the holidays she happily slept till 9.30 (!) so it does seem as if she could do with more sleep now she has to get up earlier. Plus she is fine up there but DH goes to bed quite early and if she hears him she likes to go and annoy him :)

TBH it also makes it a lot harder to have adult time with DH when she is still up.

I asked her if she liked staying up because it was 'secret time' and she said how she would like to stay up all night :) She did seem open to the idea though of getting an alarm and having her secret time in the morning so maybe I can swop things around...

Orions yes the empathy is much appreciated!

OP posts:

WipsGlitter · 18/09/2015 10:53

We are not super strict about this. DS1 is seven he plays out until about 7.45 then in and into jammmies, then he sometimes watches some TV with us or we just send him to bed. He falls asleep pretty much at once!

Would her own room help? Do you have a room she could move into?

Original poster

lucysnowe · 21/09/2015 09:51

No spare room unfortunately Wips although we are hopefully going to sort one out next year.

I am going to try and fix a 'lights out' time of 9.30 and see if I can bring it any earlier.

OP posts:

FrankSpencer · 21/09/2015 10:07

My two are in bed by 8 :30. Up for school at 7 and into school early for breakfast club. One DC zonks out within half an hour or so of hitting the pillow and the other will be in her bed daydreaming and fannying around until well past ten before finally sleeping. It can be a little annoying because she finds getting up for school diffucult and it takes her a while to get with it. But thats how shes always been.
Both DC have lights out and with the doors ajar to let the bathroom light in but other than that, no toys or books etc.
I hope you sort your DC's routine soon OP. I agree with PP who suggested the very dimmest light in the bedroom from now on to aid in 'switching off'.

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