8yr old behaviour, headbutting a wall!

[nappyqueen]

This may be long so sorry.
My 8yr old ds is very bright but not socially adept (he is Sheldon from Big Band Theory!). Frustration and anger getting more extreme and head butted wall at school today.

He gets anxious, frustrated and is an absolute perfectionist, won't even start some pieces of work if he thinks he has the wrong end of the stick or thinks he might get something wrong.
He does not relate with his peers at all and only really enjoys adult company (he's the youngest of 3 so not an only child!), has a very dry mature sense of humour.

He saw CAHMS team who were great for 1st apt and understood our concerns and saw ds and how it affected him, then saw Paediatrician straight after so ds was more at ease as knew what to expect from prior appt. CAHMS said better to stay with Paeds at his age and Paeds not overly concerned as he was so good in the apt!! Argh!!

They suggested he watch soap operas to help understand other peoples feelings, which I am not convinced about at all, they aren't suitable. He is passionate/obsessed with emergency services.

Basically he has strong traits of a number of conditions but doesn't fit completely so they don't know what to do. I just want help/coping strategies to help him, he can't go on headbutting walls!

Anyone with any support or advice? I'm feeling quite fragile about this today so pls be nice! We offer stability, continuity and he is in a brilliant school that helps a lot. Just need to stop this extreme behaviour spoiling it for him, he is aware that it is not normal and wants to stop but has no control.

Maybe look at what he eats, There's a great deal of evidence to show that some cereals\ wheat can cause problems, mental and physical, see Dr. Perlmutter's book Grain Brain. Also a book called Wheat Belly by William Davis M.D.

I remember a telly programme about it too.

I'm sorry you're going through this it;s awful when we feel helpless with our dcs.

He's Coeliac so gluten free for last 4 yrs! Eats a very good diet all home made and very healthy and natural

Oh, it's good you sorted that out early .

Has he talked to you about the reasons he's unhappy? Apart from his perfectionism? Maybe try HE if you're able to do it. (if he wants it). There are some dcs who can't cope at all well in a school environment.

He's in a very small school (5 in the class) and he does this at home too. Looks like some sort of social and communication disorder but don't care about labels just want to be able to help.
He doesn't seem unhappy just gets quite frustrated if things don't go right (or his way!). He does not cope well with team sports but wants be try to fit in. He understands what social norms are but can't quite seem to do it!

Trying to come up with an alternative action for when he bubbles up inside like this. He feels so upset after and desperately wants to fit in.

Maybe get him to bash a special cushion or something. Aaah bless him.

Well, Sheldon is a stereotypical Aspie - although my DS, who has an Asperger's diagnosis, is much more like Leonard and only has some Sheldon qualities :-) - so even if your DS doesn't tick all the boxes for Asperger's that's where I'd be looking for strategies to help him.

Has he been referred for a speech and language assessment? If not, have they told you why not? He may have big problems with non-verbal communication, with emotional expression and with language pragmatics, which would cause him a lot of social difficulties and head-banging frustration. That's what a SALT would pick up on, and if he has those difficulties then there may be social-and communication skills groups which could help. tbh I would push for that kind of assessment and help.

If he lacks control then do look at Explosive Child - even if he does not often explode he may be dealing with same problems as some of the children there and he may need your support to develop the right kind of problem-solving skills. You might also want to look into sensory integration issues (e.g. Too Fast Too Bright... in case he has over- or under-sensitive responses. Another book to look at is Unwritten Rules of Friendship - try the chapter on "The Little Adult" and flip through some of the others too, for ideas on how to help his social development.

I agree he is young for adult soap operas. At about that age my DS got some good social education (and enjoyment!) from watching Tracey Beaker. He also liked The Sarah Jane Adventures and MIHigh which do have some kid interaction though less of it. Really any TV programme that he enjoys which shows different kids generally interacting with each other is good.

Oops -better link for The Unwritten Rules of Friendship

Thank you Kleinzeit, the only TV he likes to watch is Wheeler Dealers, Countryfile and anything rescue based!! I'd say he is over rather than under on the sensitivity issue, hypersensitive feet, touch, texture issues with food when he was younger, sound etc etc! I know he is quite typical Aspergers but then can be so opposite just to confuse you!

Paediatrician just waiting 6 months and no referrals so really frustrated myself. We're trying to speed things up with the help of school as he can't carry on how he is, had another flare up last night about teeth brushing He can put on such a good impression of normality esp as that appt came after the CAHMS one so he knew what was going on and felt more at ease.

Thank you for the links, I'll have a good look today.

You could post for support on MN Special Needs - Children. There are quite a lot of parents there whose children have ASC-type problems and who've had very long delays and battles to getting assessments and the right help. Mine was relatively quick for DS, but he was having severe behaviour problems in school and everyone was trying to push things along as he would have been excluded without help. If things seem to be getting worse for your DS then you could try calling the ped back and ask for more assessments sooner - can't do any harm but no guarantees

I know what you mean about giving an impression of normality. My DS had (and still has!) some profound difficulties but there were days (and there still are!) when think "he's fine - maybe we're all making a huge fuss over nothing". Sometime he surprises me by coping with things I didn't think he could. But it's often a huge demand on him, and afterwards his behaviour gets worse because he's been over-stretched.