Almost 3 and just won't listen or stay still

[Chocolateyclaire76]

I'm hoping someone has some words of advice as I'm starting to get rather concerned about my daughters behaviour.

She has always been extremely spirited and hyper. Doing things on her terms seems to have been the norm since she was born. Now nearly 3 I'm having constant battles with her listening to me. She completely ignores me when I'm requesting something, snatches her hand away when crossing the road - to the point of danger and behaves so bad at swimming we're having to do time out as she just doesn't listen. I am going to get her hearing tested but she hears me when I'm talking about something she wants to do.

If things aren't as she wants she will throw herself to the ground and have tantrums that she seems incapable of calming down from. She also seems incapable of sitting still and constantly fidgets. At meal times she tries to stand on her chair and get down and will scream and lash out if you try and keep her there.

This has been common behaviour for months and months. I've tried reward charts and consequences and they work at the time but the next day it's back to square one.

Her preschool even took me to one side today to talk about how she is.

I'm wondering if it's her age or something more serious?

How much sleep does she get?

My dd is a similar age and was quite like this for a couple of months after she dropped her nap - i think it was overtiredness. I started to enforce a daily nap (went out in buggy) and after a couple of weeks of that she was miles better.

Hi chocolatey. I have a DS the same age and have the same issues. Some people tell me it's normal toddler behaviour but I really don't see others behaving like this - to the same extent.

I find the only way of managing him is to stay as calm and non-reactive as possible. I often fail at this! But I do try. For example at bedtime if he is going crazy I just say, ok I'll wait till you're ready and sit there saying nothing. If he is running off at the park I say, ok I'm going home now, bye... Of course with safety stuff it's harder and I am often that parent holding their wailing child by the wrist or pinned in my arms to get across the road safely.

I find DS is managing his emotions and keeping him fed and rested is key, as well as giving him quiet time. He loves jigsaws, stories etc so he's not incapable of being quiet, just he gets very overstimulated. Is this the case with your dd?

DS is pretty bright and communicative so he doesn't fit the model of frustrated toddler unable to express himself, but that's how he behaves. I think maybe his mind is taking in so much and there are lots of changes like potty training and big beds to cope with, so I try and understand what that must be like and talk about things at calmer times.

He will always choose to do the opposite of any instruction, sometimes I think it's a control thing, other times he just wants to see what will happen or thinks it's funny. I spoke to the local HV team and their only advice was time outs. We do these for significant bad behaviour eg hitting/biting but I prefer positive/reward stuff where possible.

For me it's just a question of keeping faith. My friend's son was very extreme in terms of bad/violent behaviour but at nearly 4 he's a different child, so much quieter and gentler (and happier!) - hopefully our children will get to that point before we've torn every hair out... Good luck!

Sorry, 3rd para should say 'struggles to manage his emotions'

Thank you minipie and MsJuniper!

She gets a fair amount of sleep so I don't think that's it, but I could always try putting her to bed earlier to see if it makes a difference.

MsJuniper, your little one sounds just like mine! She's really communicative and preschool have said it may be a case of her being ahead of herself but not mature enough to deal with it yet which = meltdowns!

I'm expecting number 2 in March so I just hope I get this behaviour, especially the listening, nailed to a degree!

My dd is two years nine months and has some same behaviours as discussed but then at others times she's lovely affectionate little girl. She pushes and pulls other children quite alot! Going softplay is a nightmare but i persevere because i dont want to give up, i discuss before going places with her how to behave, she gets plenty sleep still naps, and is very talkative, i just hope this pushing, hitting other peers soon stops. She has hit me too quite a few times. Happy we can share our experiences.