Dd called rascist word at school

[Mumzy2]

Hi all, today my dd teacher pulled me aside and showed me a piece of paper with the word niga written on it. I asked dd (9) why she wrote it and she said that her friend said it to her and laughed so she wrote it on a piece of paper to show her and make her laugh. She knows its a bad word but does not know what it means. Her friend is white and dd is mixed and there has never been anything said like this b4. Im worried this is going to go on her school report as her being racist. What should i do? Any advice would be much appreciated.

so your mixed race dd is being called niga by a white 'friend' who then laughs and your dd is the racist?! Your dd is trying to be accepted by her white 'friend' so she writes niga on a piece of paper to make the white 'friend' laugh, shows your dd is internalising that it is ok for white 'friends' to call her racial names. You and your dd and the school personel and the 'friend' and her parents and --- need counselling . In the meantime get in touch with righteous anger and let the school have both barrels so you set them straight that it is your dd who is being harmed. Start off quietly and see if they understand why your dd wrote the name she was called and how that shows the harm being done to her. If they do what you fear then you need to get advice about how to make a complaint against the school based on their racism. Because it is NOT your dd who is the racist -she is the victim of racism and is accepting it. Time to get your armour on and go to battle. I'm thinking if you are white, it might be a good idea to get a person of the race your dd shares and who is able to articulate clearly and calmly what is happening here, to go with you to deal with the school. Remember start off quietly and listen hard until you get a clear answer from the school whether they are going to blame your dd or help her and take notes.

Ty for your quick answer and support, i was thinking along the same lines. Im also mixed and i know dd isnt racist, she wrote a word she had been called on a peice of paper and showed it to the white girl who had said it to her. It is dd who is the victim in this and the only thing she did wrong was to write something she knew was a bad word as she knows better. For me its the fact that the teacher said the school takes racism seriously that got me thinking they better not put some bs on her report, but i wouldent put it past her school as it has declined steadily in the last 2 years and many people have left. I spoke to dd in the playground and when she told me what had happened went straight back to her teacher. I was told they didnt know and would sit down with this girl on monday. How can they not know!! I dont get why my dd wasnt asked what had happened in the first place, they were quick to jump on what she had done wrong but not the why. Ive told dd to stay away from this girl and will be meeting with the headmistress to discuss this incident and why my dd is not being supported properly. I will take down everything thats said and take it from there. Dd thought the girl was just playing not realizing she had just been racially assaulted shes so innocent and it breaks my heart that she has been confronted with somthing like this at her age.

yes i know this well with my 3. The teacher saw and heard nothing- 3 little monkeys act , nohear, no see, nospeak= she did not care. The head master said 'some children are natural victims'= it's his fault , that's his role in life. The superintendent never responded to my concerns. So I worked with others to get an anti racism policy for that education authority= it's a piece of paper which helped 20 years later when my friend's son got called racial names and guess what -nobody did anything. So she went to the Human Rights Commission -I am in Canada - the judgement , which is in public records- was that the Education Authority had not followed it's own anti racism policy- the same policy i helped to put in place- the Director of the Education Authority had to apologise to her son and his mother. So what i have learned is fight it from the bottom up with allies and do not give an inch. That way your children learn to respect themselves and stand up for themselves and you know you have done what you can and respect yourself. Hopefully what i have done has helped others.The cruelty and selfishness of others hurt my children and me and still could, but i hardened my heart and dug deep into my anger and fought them. I hope you have personal support and i know you can get it from organisations that work for anti racism goals. Everything you do to fight this will help your dd ,yourself and others, even if you do not see results at the time and do not know about them, it's always worth it to fight evil.Perhaps your Education Authority already has an anti racism policy? Make them follow it. If they do not have that piece of paper they probably have an anti bullying one. Make them follow it. It's somebody's job to make it look like they care. Put pressure on and ge tallies. Go public with a community meeting and notices all over the place as i and my friend did. They hate bad publicity. Invite the Education Authority to send a representative to the meeting to explain how they REALLY ARE antiracist. Most important link up with anti racism groups. We have to fight together.

They are children so they do daft things. It sounds like teacher is handling it well because she's trying to teach them to do better rather than rushing to punishment, but she is right to tell you that the school has to take racism seriously.

8yo DS once hurled the N-word at a load of classmates he was mad at. Complication is: all the kids involved were white. DS didn't have a clue what the word actually meant.

'they are children so they do daft things'= minimise and deny the harm racial slurs cause

'the teacher is handling it well because she's trying to teach them to do better'- NOT -the teacher didn't ask and didn't know why op's dd wrote the word niga on a piece of paper. The person who needed teaching was the child who called op's dd N and the teacher did not take the time to find that out . What the teacher taught was that op's dd did something racist.

'but she is right to tell you that the school has to take racism seriously' - strange wording -'but'? 'has to'?- it has still to be proven that the school takes racism seriously as it has not dealt with the child who threw N at op's dd.

your son knew he was using a bad word -he was not trying to be nice to the boys he was mad at.

Yes my son is exactly the sort of child that MNers often complain about as a complete thug & must avoid. He was angry because the other boys often socially excluded him and wanted to provoke & hurt them.

But he is not a RACIST thug. (Op is talking about the RACIST label). DS was very embarrassed when he found out what the word meant. Call my son every nasty word you want to like, but he is not racist just because he used a racist word.

And just to show we may be getting old...
yr9 DD attends a school which is 95% white. She gets incensed because some of her friends go around always calling each other & selves N---. They think it's cool because it's Gangsta style. What she describes makes it sound like the N-word is becoming the equivalent of 'doofus'.

My dd was in the same position a couple of months ago. She was messing around with another girl and they were calling each other names in a good humoured sort of way. The other girl who is mixed race used the n word and the c word and my dd used the n word back at her. I got a phone call from the school and had to go and speak to the ht. I was so ashamed not only because people would think I was racist and had taught dd this word but because dd knew it was a bad word but did not understand its meaning and I felt that somehow I should have been able to pre-empt that she had accessed the word and told her what it meant. When I asked her where she heard it she said that she had listened to a rap song which used it and that she had read somewhere that president Obama had used it. My point is that dc sometimes don't know what it means (particularly as the word is not widely used today [thankfully]). When I was child we were aware of the word but it was very rarely used (given that I lived in a very multiracial environment my parents would have killed me if I had ever used it (and rightly so). Despite not knowing what the word meant. (I don't believe ignorance is an excuse) dd was made to write an apology to the dc, her mother and the head teacher as well as reading a raft of material I found on the Internet which explained the history of the word, why it's ok for president Obama to use the word but why it's not acceptable for dd to use it

If your DD doesn't know what the word means then surely there is a good chance the girl who said it doesn't know either? Yes, she may know its a bad word, but that doesn't mean she knows it is racist. If a boy called my DD a cunt I wouldn't lable him a mysoginist at 9 years old.

The incident should be delt with via education.

I didn't say that my dd was racist I said that people would think I was a racist because people would think that it is a word used in our home. When I spoke to the Ht about it I made a point of saying my dd usage of the word was not racially motivated.iHowever once a dc is aware of a word (you can't unlearn it)my belief is that you need to teach them about the word from a social point of view and why it is not appropriate to use it regardless of your ethnicity ie via education

what a strange reaction! No names were called .

If your cc are non white you do not have the same feelings about racial slurs as those whose cc are white.

Wow some of this seems like a major over reaction.

We are talking about children here...I'm sure I said some really silly things as a child if which I had no idea of their meaning. Thankfully I wasn't labelled like some of these kids have been.

Of course they need to be told that those are nasty words...but this goes for ALL kids regardless of race. No one should be using that kind of language.

I think it's a little far fetched. As long as it didn't happen again and your dd doesn't end up having it written on her record I don't think it should be classed as 'abuse' of any kind. She wasn't upset by it...and the other child didn't seem to know the severity of it.

I think id ask dd to tell the teacher straight away if the word is used again.

Fwiw I never used that word but I once ran round shouting about 'rubber Johnnys' as a child because id overheard it somewhere....no clue what it meant till my dad had to quietly explain what I was shouting out!! Mortified !

actually snooky , unless you have children who are nonwhite, you should not be telling those of us who do how we should react. Of course maybe you do ?

Perhaps don't post asking for people's opinions if they aren't welcome? Unless everyone is in agreement then they are not entitled to discuss?

i am not the op ! I take it your children are white as you do not answer the question . Also you did not read the posting carefully enuf to know who was posting. But you did rush to post -vely and minimised the effect of racism on other posters children. You are part of the problem.

Im aware you aren't the op! You read that as you wanted to. Regardless of the ethnicity of my children (which seems to be all you are interested in) I am entitled to respond to the original post.
Back to the actual topic... you calling a child a racist is over the top. Ops child was not upset and didn't know the meaning of the word. Guessing the other child didn't either. As stated previously as long as it doesn't happen again and the other child is made aware that that language is inappropriate I don't see the issue. What outcome do you feel would suffice? Maybe she should be expelled?

Are you the same snooky who posted that you didn't think Britain First's posts were racist?. Are you also the snooky who thought the taxi driver who said an op's address was Ebola central because a lot of Africans lived there and you thought he should not be reported because he was trying for humour? Oh and another snooky had some funny[not funny haha ] ideas about the refugees. Someone who thinks children calling racist names are just being silly is unlikely to have non white children. Typically you go from minimising to exaggerating.[=maybe she should be expelled?] The point of the original postings was how to deal with the school which was blaming the victim. You do not address that at all. You excuse and minimise the damage that is done to children's self esteem when they are labelled in a racist way and when the teacher treats the victim as the racist.

maybe time for another name change snooky?

Haven't name changed? Not sure again how this is your business. Perhaps if you're going to delve you should take the time to read all comments I've made not just the ones you feel you don't like.

Made a point....you don't agree....and I'm indifferent.

Good luck to op hope it all gets sorted

Not too many posters show this seemingly anti anti racism pattern. Sure is interesting that you're ok with it. But then you were the poster who said all that - so that's who you are .