DS 4 - starting reception and behaviour problems

[Needinghelp1]

He's always been extremely challenging. But we've been down the 'medical' route and seen a consultant who deemed there to be nothing medically out of line with him.

He's so gorgeous and so bright. His behaviour IS extremely challenging though.

He started Reception Monday and no word of a lie the teacher has called us back about his poor behaviour every day which we are obviously worried about.

What we don't want to happen is for him to be labelled and I think maybe a bit of leeway to the change of it all should be given?

I did today ask if he'd done anything positive...not sure if that was the right thing.

Anyway anyone else having a problem with behaviour at this stage? Or any advice for us?

Suggest to the teacher that she talk to the SENCO about strategies or calling in advice from outside experts?

How exactly is he 'challenging' Needing? What has been their concern?

You have my sympathy NeedingHelp as I am experiencing the same thing, see my thread started yesterday. My DS is also challenging and we have had support from the SENCO at nursery but I have been left shocked at the draconian attitude to his actions in reception this week. I do understand that they have to set ground rules and establish boundaries of behaviour quickly but the effect on my DS has been devastating. I will be waiting for pickup today with dread and if I see the same sadness on his face then I will be asking for a meeting with his teacher and the schools SENCO. I fully expect to be told some bland stuff about how the school runs blah blah but it would help to just speak to them about my DS, who he is and why he's responding in the way he is. Do you think you would get anywhere asking for the same?

Is he a young 4?

Ds struggled at first. The going in full time was not right for him. I wished the summer starters were half time for a term as they had been when the girls started.
Ds also has glue ear, and lots of ear infections. it got to a point that the teachers could predict an ear infection coming by his behaviour.

I would ask for a behavioural book. I found it very useful. They write down things at various points of the day with a happy face, sad face or neutral. So it might look:

Sat nicely on the carpet listening. Well done [happy face]
Didn't want to do his number work when called, but did it well when he came. [neutral]
No problems at playtime [happy]
Played nicely [happy]
Pushed someone at lunch time. 5 minutes sat out
Threw pencil across the room when asked to write his name
Very helpful at tidy up time [happy face]

So I could then talk it through.
"Well done for sitting nicely"
"What did you tidy up?" "Oh that sounds really helpful."
"Why did you push them?" "What would have been better to do?"

It also meant we could spot a pattern. For him it was lunch time (he struggled with the noise) and then when he got tired at the end of the day. So they could, to a certain extent try and avoid triggers.

The teacher would also when she came out give me a hand sign. Thumbs up for a good day. Shaky hand for okay, but not brilliant. Thumbs down for bad. No hand signal, she needed to see me, so I could go round the back, and take him in through the office so it wasn't so obvious.

but things have improved every year. And when I asked his year 3 teacher if she had concerns about his behaviour, she gave me a look and said "no"-and she was straight talking would have said if there was an issue.

Witchend that sounds like a really good system. Did the teacher accept the behaviour book well or resist because it's a lot of work?

Teacher suggested it. It was a fairly standard method they used at the infant school. There were 3 or 4 in his class who had them through reception, one was because they were very nervous and tended to bust into tears at anything, and when mum fetched them at the end of the day, and the others similar to ds.

Really helpful ideas and I'm sorry for others going through it - Publicenema sounds so similar.

What support has SENCO provided and who are they? Has your DS had any official diagnosis?

We are very grateful but after a fraught phone call today we are having a meeting with his past and present teachers from nursery which in hoping is going to be really helpful.