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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

School mornings and 7 year olds

11 replies

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 10/09/2015 13:39

Dd2 is nearly 7 and a total nightmare in the mornings. She hates wearing socks so I bought her seamless ones which she still hates. She keeps asking me to put them on for her which I do, but then yells at me and kicks me for "doing it wrong". For the last few days I haven't helped her, told her I wouldn't and she's managed just fine. This morning she wouldn't get dressed and shut herself in her room. I managed to get her to let me in and put on some music so she did actually dress herself but not her shoes and socks. She wouldn't get in the car, lots of screaming, wouldn't let me brush her hair, yelled at me for being lazy not brushing her hair etc.

Dh has just literally carried her to the car and taken her to the school bus with no socks and shoes on (she has done them herself in the car), no hair brushed etc. We always keep her informed of what's going on ie "if you don't put your shoes on, you'll go to the bus without them on", we keep very calm in the face of screaming and shouting.

She loves school, gets good reports, has lovely friends etc so I don't think it's a school issue. She is however generally argumentative at home and can throw a fit at literally anything.....

This has been going on for a while now, though we were making progress but this is a huge step back, any advice?

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Bluecarrot · 10/09/2015 13:51

My dd used to do this kinda thing.
One night I said to her " tomorrow I am going to call you to wake you up, and 5 mins later when you actually have to get out of bed. Then you are going to dress yourself and come down for breakfast.
If you are not dressed you will go to school in your pyjamas"

I set all the clocks in the house forward 5 mins, wrapped up a few pancakes and a banana for breakfast-on-the-go, and followed through. She got dressed literally with 30 seconds to go before we had to leave ( based on adjusted clock time!) when she realised I wasn't mucking around any more. We got to school on time and no issues since unless she was feeling unwell.
( also turned out she has ADD which actually made the organisation of getting ready harder for her, but still, she found a coping strategy!

Original poster

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 10/09/2015 14:17

Thanks bluecarrot, we've done the "you'll go to school in pyjamas" thing too, she very nearly did today. It's the yelling and screaming abuse that really upsets me. Dd1 was in tears too this morning, she has a huge dentist appointment to fit a brace this afternoon and is very nervous about that, I really wanted to send her off to school very calmly.

I just feel wrung out on mornings like this (I'm in the USA, it's 8am here), I'm in tears myself. Dd2 told dh she hated us and wanted to leave home - he said that if she wanted to, that would be fine.... Like most parents I bend over backwards for my kids, love them to bits, can't take the shouting and abuse and am dreading the teenage years....

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m0therofdragons · 10/09/2015 14:25

As soon as the shouting starts, calmly say "I will listen to you when you can speak to me nicely" then walk away and ignore. Busy yourself doing anything but act as if you can't hear her. If she gets in your face then gently move her to one side but do not speak. It's really hard but I was exhausted and really couldn't be shouted at by a child anymore. The first time she went nuts but the second time she seemed to remember what happened the first time as soon as I walked away so that was less traumatic. Since then she will occasionally start but it's nothing like it was.
Once she's calming down I do offer a cuddle to help her to calm down.
Re shoes and socks - this is not something to argue about. They go on her feet and she's old enough to do it herself - stay strong and consistent and it will improve but it's hard.

BlueBananas · 10/09/2015 14:27

For the getting ready - egg timers and sticker charts
For the screaming and abuse - punishments; no tv when she gets home, no dessert, no whatever until she stops. And follow through every single time

Also could you tell her teacher what she's like, I had a really tough time when DS was 5 getting him to eat breakfast/get dressed and to school on time and after I spoke to his teacher they spoke to him in school and did some sessions with him (although I'm not sure what these consisted of) and now we have no problems atall

gandalf456 · 10/09/2015 14:34

It's an attention and control thing, definitely. I found the more I got wound up over the fact that she wouldn't get ready, the more she battled. I wish I had just carried on getting myself ready and she'd have realised that the playing up wasn't worth it if she was getting no attention over it.

I have a feeling the pyjama thing would only have to be carried out once, too. I have threatened this myself in the past, too. I have also threatened to take them to school in my nightie if they carry on fighting so hard that I can't get dressed.

Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 14:43

When my DC were like this I would just start walking out the door and tell them they'd have to go as they were, ie in pyjamas or whatever state of dress they were in. They soon got on with dressing themselves.

yeOldeTrout · 10/09/2015 14:47

I used to reward mine with a chocolate raisin as soon as they were out the door with socks & shoes on. Worked for us, just to get him into the habit and he soon forgot to ask for his reward.

Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 14:50

Plus I hate conflict in the mornings. If they didn't get dressed I would just calmly say you will be going dressed like that if you don't hurry up because it doesn't bother me how you look at school.

Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 14:54

If it's a shoe issue maybe ask her if she would like to choose a new pair of shoes she is happy to wear?

My DD won't wear certain socks I bought so I let her choose new socks she is happy to wear.

Aroundamulberry · 10/09/2015 14:55

Bizarrely even my DS won't wear certain socks either.

Original poster

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 11/09/2015 00:20

Thanks for all your replies, they made me feel I wasn't the only one to experience this! Mulberry, she chose her own shoes before school started.

Bananas, we've done sticker charts and no screentime, dessert, early bed etc but she is in such a rage that it barely registers. I have no idea how she gets so worked up. I like the idea of a teacher speaking to her, I'm sure it wont be the first time her teacher has been involved in something like this and I may ask.

Motherofdragons, yes, I am super calm, I walk away, I just get "you get back here NOW!" I'm still waiting for it to calm down but we've had this issue for over 2 years now and it's getting worse....

Trout, I offered her a sweet this morning for when she had her shoes and socks on, I still have the sweet as she didn't put them on until dh got to the bus stop.

She hides in her room sometimes (upstairs), hence dh carrying her down the stairs. I have sat in the car with the engine revving on the driveway while she sits in a corner ignoring me. She's not bothered.

For this morning, she had her brand new water bottle (which she loves) taken away from her. We've all had apologies, she has been explained for the millionth time that we love her but we don't like her behaviour and that it's not acceptable. If this happens again, we may not book her birthday party later this month ....

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