Getting depressed because I can't bring my baby anywhere where I live?

[WinterForest]

Sorry I wasn't sure where to write this question. My son is 10 months old and from the moment he got home I realized how hard it would be to travel with him (even to the grocery store). I live just outside of the city, so where I live doesn't really have many options for shopping or..anything really. The transportation here is really bad as well. I live where there are only trolleys (we call them streetcars) and there are 5 huge steep steps just to get up into the trolley and the entrance is so thin and steep it's impossible to get a stroller up there. There are no buses.

The only thing to get into the city is a street car. Once I got fed up so I decided to put my son into his stroller and walked. It took me 5 hours to walk to the nearest area that had places to shop (like Walmart) or anywhere I can buy lots of things I need. (I actually live in Canada). In total it was a 10 hour walk. I don't know how to drive so I can't drive anywhere. I'm just wondering...how can I travel anywhere if the transit here doesn't even let me get a stroller onto the trolley (it's literally impossible).

The one time I managed was when my boyfriend helped and we almost dropped the whole thing. People laughed at us :( Now that winter is coming (and snow) it makes things even harder. I have recently noticed how depressed this has made me. I just stay inside all the time now and my only option for groceries is to shop at a tiny over-priced store that has no selection. I feel trapped. I bought a carriage for my bike so I could use that but he's not old enough to go in there yet and I can't use it in the winter. How do mom's without cars do it?

I feel so depressed like I can't go anywhere anymore. My boyfriend (who lives with me) actually has a car but he works 12-15 hours her day (he's in the film business for lighting) so I often find myself relying on him for EVERYTHING. It's beginning to wear on him and it's starting to turn into this huge depressing problem. :(

I seriously almost feel like moving. I would hate to give this place up as it's right by a giant lake, has wildlife, and so many parks. The one thing it lacks is stores. Every decent store is 5 hours away by walking in any direction. I'm getting tired of shopping at convience stores for everything :( I miss going places. I know one day he will be old enough to walk onto a street car but for now I just sit here all the time at home.

Before I decide whether to move or not I wanted to see if there was an easy solution I totally didn't think about maybe. I really need help. :(

In my area they are starting to construct a few new stores but I don't think those will be ready for at least another year. I think in my area they basically cater to people who arn't as mobile (like old people) so they raise the price like crazy. When I first moved here there actually was a bus that took me mostly into the city (about half way) but then later I found out that bus was only there because they were doing construction for the street car. Once the street car was back in action...no more bus to the city. In some of the other directions it's pretty random...sometimes you get a street car sometimes they send a bus...but it's all very frustrating since street cars have been off limits to me so I will be rooting for a bus...but just more street cars.

The back pack idea might be a life saver for me. I will also get a lighter stroller. I didn't even think of these things!! I guess since my son hated slings I gave up and let him use his stroller...but now I am realizing how hard it is to travel with this. Thanks so much for the ideas, I am so desperately willing to try anything at this point! Thank you!

I live in a similar place although thankfully II can drive. When I take the bus I carry the toddler and baby on (toddler first, then get the baby and fold the pram and put it underneath). I've a lightweight double so I can fold and move it one handed.
Also have a decent double with air tyres so I can get out for walks in the winter.
We tried the backpack but neither really like it and I find it hard to get on and off with a baby/toddler in it, but worth a go.

I had a stroller that had a strap on like a bag so when you folded it up you could lift it easily. It was a Maclaren Volvo.

http://www.bbbuggy.com/store/Maclaren-Volo-12637.htm

I spend my days usually just taking care of my son. I take him out to the lakes and parks everyday (there are no washrooms) so we only are able to stay out for a few hours. I sometimes pick up odds and ends at local convience stores but boy do I ever miss just getting everything I need in one go...where ever I like! I had no idea how depressed this was making me.
To add insult to injury even the home nurse that came over was like "oh the nearest mom's group is pretty far can your boyfriend drive you?" I was thinking "he could...but he's already so exhausted from the long work hours and driving us out to buy food/clothing/general things for a cheap price. We really arn't that rich so ..he really prefers to shop at places where you can gets lots of stuff for cheap rather then small pricey places. It's hard :( Even getting to a mom's group is hard. The good news is there are schools around here for my son. There is a kindergarten and grade school. This is ideal.

For the first time today I talked to my boyfriend about me learning to drive. I said it would make things easier for all of us. He was okay with it and said I can use his car to practice once I get my G1 (I believe). Hopefully he holds up this promise :P

But yeah I think both parents need to be mobile when raising a baby. If it's just one parent it can be so hard on the both of them!

So next time we go to Walmart together it's: baby back pack and light summer stroller. (or any other store that may have these). Thanks!

You need to learn to drive or move. It's just not practical. Yes, one day your son will be able to walk, but what if you then have another baby. Learn automatic only and it only takes a few lessons.

KeyserSophie, yes I was thinking that too. I may have another baby (maybe in a year) so I really want to figure this out now. I kind of regret moving here. It seemed so nice at first. The big lake right outside my balcony, the parks, the schools, the other kids here. I totally didn't even think of transportation.

I kind of wish I stayed closer to the city. I can see the city from my balcony, but it's really like seeing a mirage :P It seems like you can just walk right over but wow is it ever a hike (as well as Etobicoke's mall area) it just takes forever. I can't even imagine trying to get there by foot in the winter. It already takes my entire day and then I get extreme muscle pain after and need to put muscle rub all over my legs just to sleep.

When baby number two comes along I want to be all set for sure, the sooner the better. I will update soon as to whether the light stroller and back pack work. If they don't I might just have to move, which kind of is a downer because I'm not really a city person. I like my nature bike rides and just love nature in general. I hope I can make this work really badly.

How soon can you realistically get your G1 (is that the theory exam?) and learn to drive? Set a goal so you've got something to look forward to.

In the meantime, you need some local friends! Do you have anything like a health visitor service? - in the UK that's a nurse based at the primary care/health centre who visits new mothers and sometimes older people too. One of the things mine did for me was to put me in touch with some local new mums, and they often run baby groups too. I'm in a small city so clearly that's easier, but you don't know what's out there until you ask.

i have to say that my large son was out of slings by the time he was four months old and was too heavy for me to carry in a backpack past six months. I really hope it works for you but I'm afraid it may not. HOWEVER, an umbrella stroller worked for us all, and thank God he walked at 10 months. Suddenly things got a lot easier (and busier!)

Learn to drive- cheaper and a better solution than moving if you live in a beautiful area with good schools.

Start making plans today- do you need a learner's licence or equivalent?

If you start now you could be driving in a few month's time.

I wouldn't consider having another baby until you can get your transport issues sorted out two babies would leave you housebound in your current situation.

Learn to drive asap - esp if you are thinking of a second child!

....or move somewhere with the amenities which you are hankering after......

There is a slings and carriers board on here, I'd ask for advice on there, then you can find a good brand. I think a soft structured carrier like the ergo would be great for you, but I'd go for a larger toddler sized one as they distribute the weight of a bigger baby better. Look at some review videos on YouTube too. I would look at the Boba and Tula to begin with. There are also online libraries where you can borrow a carrier (through the post) if you want to try before you buy.

When you look properly into "babywearing" you'll find it is very different from the front pack type carriers and large bulky framed backpack ones. Not that those are wrong, but they are limited in scope and comfort and most people find them impractical long term. In your position, you really need a longer term option, so it's definitely worth doing your research.

Good luck!

I'd move if I were you, it just seems so remote and inconvenient. Move to an area with more baby groups and easier shopping. Is this a possibility?

But in the meantime I'd use a baby carrier and learn to drive.

Two items I recommend:

Baby sling - the boba 4g. You can order online in Canada also or import from UK. It's one suitable from newborn - toddler, you just move front front to back. Has baby inset for tiny baby to sit on, and foot straps for older toddlers feet on back. So works for all ages, and would be good if you have another baby. Folds up small as just fabric with waist support

Babyzen yoyo - pram that folds up to large handbag size. So if you go out all day and don't want to carry baby all the time you can carry baby in sling with pram folded by feet on streetcar until your in town, then can swap into pram

How long does the streetcar trip take? Surely a 5 hrs walk would still be well over an hour or two on streetcar? And still an hour or more in the car?

Realistically you probably need to both move closer to Toronto, and learn to drive. Where will child go to school once old enough?

I'd also recommend a McLaren Volo. Crucially they weigh almost nothing and have a shoulder strap for carrying to leave your hands free.
Soon your DC will be able to stand for a moment while you get them out, which helps. However if you are planning another DC then driving lessons are the way to go.

I've used buggy-inaccessible transport with two kids. I'd recommend:

• fabric sling that can do front or back carries eg Ergo, Boba
• light buggy that folds easily and has a handle (like a Maclaren Volo)

A big backpack style carrier is unwieldy on public transport and doesn't allow you to stash it under the buggy. A fabric sling can be under the buggy, used on your front (which is easier) for just getting on and off trams and then you always have the option of using it in a back carry for longer distances (much comfier with a heavy baby) if you wish.

If there's a school and kindergarten there must be other mums and babies could you put a note on the nursery wall and local shop to try and set up your own baby group for coffees and walks?

We use to have a baby backpack but it also turned into a min of stiller with wheels. Was amazing, we went on holiday to London and could have ds2 on our back while on the tune and in crowds etc but when we got somewhere we were walkin etc could take him of our backs and wheel him along. Also had a little bit of a zip up bag attached for things.
Sound like this would work for you- use the back pack for the inaccessible bits and then push along when you can. Will save your back

I was about to suggest the same as Winchester.
If there's a nursery / kindy, pop along and see if they know of any groups being run locally. Is there a local Facebook page set up for mums in your area? If not, set one up!

And definitely learn to drive. I grew up very rurally, nearest small town was a 45 min bike ride away, all the kids learnt to drive within 6months of their 17th birthday.

If there's no baby groups in your area why don't you start one yourself? ?? Make some flyers post them in your neighbourhood arranging for other mums to meet up together maybe at your local lake or coffee shop you might be surprised at how many other local mum's feel as isolated as you do

Don't buy a carrier from wal-mart. Seriously, do some research online. The kinds of carriers you can buy in walmart are unlikely to be very good for larger babies/toddlers or for long periods of use. But there are lots you can order online and some do trial periods too.

I know exactly where you. I have family in Burlington and Oakville. There are not a lot of big supermarkets where you are.

So, I know its bulk shopping but you have a costco really close to you and its a good one. Thats where you should get your basics from like your bread, milk, cheese, meat (put it in the freezer). You are also really close to IKEA which has some fab food items like fish items, rye bread, mustard and jam.

If I were you I would def be looking to move to somewhere with a place like Food Basics close to it. Where you are is in a bit of a no man's land when it comes to shopping.

Hi OP,

I've read your thread with interest and I can totally relate as I live in Canada too. Not quite as rural as you, but I can certainly appreciate the difficulty.

You absolutely have to learn to drive. You need to get out of the house, especially in the winter, or you will go bananas.

You know that Winter is Coming and you know what that means, OP! Snow. Ice. Cold. Somedays it will be too cold to go for walks around the lake.

DS was born in January last year. When I was on maternity leave I went to the mall/coffee shop/local every day if it was too cold to go for a walk outside. I often used to spend three hours at the mall, as DS would always sleep there. It breaks up the day and stops you getting cabin fever.

I definitely recommend finding a mummy group too, try :

www.meetup.com/cities/ca/on/toronto/

Or as someone else suggested, try good old FB.

Or start one yourself, I'm sure there's loads of mommas who live near you! (and they might have a car!!)

Was gonna recommend a sling too but then saw that your son is 25 pounds!

You can totally carry a 25lb kid in a sling! I second BertieBotts' suggestions - also maybe look at the Toddler ABC carrier and the Manduca.

Something like a Maclaren Quest or even a Baby Jogger City Mini might be good options for an easy-to-fold stroller. I have both, and neither cost more than £50 second-hand.

It can be extremely dispiriting living so remotely when you have a baby - I really do sympathise. But as someone else has said, if there's a school nearby, there must be other parents? Good luck, and don't despair!

Ah can you learn to drive and drop him to work and pick him up so you get the car all day. Xx

How are you getting on op? I am not sure that I commented on the thread but I've been thinking about you since I read it.